Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors

I lost my only son to suicide March 2024. Alliance of Hope let me feel less alone. That what I was going through was as normal of an experience as that can be. There really is no "normal" anymore, but I have found support, advice, friends and love at Alliance of Hope. It is a light in the darkness. Sending hope and hugs to anyone else dealing with grief.

The Alliance of Hope (AOH) is a unique and important charity that I highly recommend. They provide help and support to some very vulnerable people in our society, including widows and orphans. Let me explain…

AOH is one of the few organizations that provides comprehensive support for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. That includes myself.

AOH offers many services. They have a library with useful articles about how to deal with suicide loss and mental health, and a forum for people to get support.

The forum is moderated to keep it a friendly and helpful place for people to discuss their grief. The website is moderated and provides help 24/7.

The executive team running the charity truly cares about it based on my experience. They routinely post articles, conduct free Zoom video support meetings, and make posts on the forum. Also, the Founder and Director of the charity, Ronnie Walker, routinely makes posts, sends out email updates, and leaves comments of support for people on the forum.

Please consider donating to this important cause. If you have doubts, please check out their website forum and see the work they are doing with your own eyes.

People who have lost a loved one to suicide often suffer alone because they are ashamed and don’t want to admit their loved one died from suicide. Please support AOH to help these people find a way back into life!

My name is Leslie and I own my own business in Dothan, AL. I am interested in forming an event to raise money to donate proceeds to Suicide Prevention. If anyone has advice on where I start, all advise welcome!

I found Alliance of Hope while trying to struggle with the reality that my best friend was gone. Not just gone but in such a tragic & sudden way. I didn’t know how to feel, let alone talk about it. I found the forum and blog posts earlier on & it has helped me understand and relate in ways I couldn’t have done alone. The support from people on the Alliance of Hope Suicide Loss Survivors online forum is something I’m forever grateful for.

The Alliance of Hope helped me realize I wasn’t alone in my grief journey. Reading about others in the same situation of suicide survivors helped me. I appreciated the personal responses I received whenever I wrote. And it was special when a photo and short background on my daughter Melissa was posted. She mattered. Thank you.

On December 13, 2015, our beautiful, irreplaceable 21-year-old daughter died via suicide, after suffering a terrible trauma she could not overcome. Exactly a month later, I was injured in a severe fall, and confined to a hospital bed in my home. I found the Alliance of Hope in a search for support on-line, but I didn't dare to join it or voice my story until a year later. AOH has become an invaluable lifeline and source of support for me throughout the past nearly 8 years. The precious ability to connect with other survivors of suicide loss has helped me to find my way forward once more. As I have gradually progressed through my grief journey, AOH has also allowed me to use my experiences to assist others to find their own way and voice. Sometimes out of the worst possible experience comes understanding and healing that benefits not only yourself but includes others. The Alliance of Hope is such a place of healing and a haven for so many of the unique community of survivors of suicide loss. Peace!

We all have those well-intentioned friends and colleagues that say, "time heals all wounds," "your grief will get better in time," or "I understand." They don't. I was told I'd stop counting the days since Craig's death and that I'd find a new normal and carry on. I'm still waiting. Unless you've experienced a loss by suicide and the loss of your son to suicide, you don't know. I lost my 25 year old son to a self inflicted gunshot wound. I was clueless to his sadness. It destroys me knowing he took his life because he was in such pain. Alliance of Hope has been a blessing. Not because the forums and fellow community members can take my pain away, but they are the only ones who can say they understand and mean it. Reading their stories and sharing our grief makes me feel I'm not alone. I have a community to be real with. I wish my son felt the same while he was alive. Thank you Alliance of Hope

I lost my 29 year old son in August 2017. I immediately sought therapy and joined an in-person support group. Three years later, I found Alliance of Hope by googling. I’m so glad I did. I wrote my introduction and very soon after, I received many supportive replies. Since then, I’ve been on the forum almost every day. AOH has become a lifeline for me. It’s like a second family. I’m now to the point where I can offer support to newcomers. I’m forever grateful that I found this loving community.

I lost my daughter Chloe to suicide in October of 2017. She never gave us any signs. When this happened I felt like I was caught up in a nightmare. In the first few months after losing Chloe there was a lot of support. But little by little everyone went back to the normalcy of their lives and one day I was there alone except for the support of my husband and two sons. It wasn’t enough. I found Alliance of Hope by chance. In this forum I could reach out any time of day or night and someone was always there. It was here that I could share my thoughts with other survivors who truly understood my pain. These survivors shared their own stories and held my hand and heart while I navigated through Chloe’s loss. Many nights when I could not sleep Alliance of Hope was there for me. I am a 6 year survivor and I still visit Alliance of Hope when I need help, or even when I don’t, and I simply want to reach out to other survivors. This forum has given me hope that, while a piece of my heart has left with Chloe, there are still good days to come.Thank you Alliance of Hope for all the love, support, and kindness.

One day in June 2007 I came home from work to find my husband in the garage, dead by suicide. Our son heard my screams and rushed over. He had just turned 14. He saw the suicide scene.

I was broken but had no time to grieve. I had to take care of my son and help him to heal. Following my son’s wish, within two weeks we moved to my home country. Financially it was a disaster, I quit my job and sold all our properties for little money. I was a certified psychologist, but after failing as a wife and as a professional I was no longer able to work in my field.

In 2008 I found the AOH forum and it became my lifeline. Looking back, I think that the AOH forum really was the best therapy for me. It gave me something that no professional is able to offer: Hundreds of true stories of suicide loss survivors. I started to divide them into two categories: Cases with no signs, where the suicide came out of the blue, and cases with previous signs of mental illness. The former showed me how unpredictable suicide may be, the latter how difficult suicide is also for professionals to prevent: “I had him committed to a psychiatric hospital. He was released within 5 days, and less than 24 hours later, he completed…”; “My 16yo son died by suicide… We spent 2 years trying to help him battle OCD. We had just brought him home from psych hospital 4 days earlier.”; “She was struggling very badly but was diligently working hard in treatment.”; “He saw a therapist even before he started talking about being depressed and when that wasn't enough he saw a psychiatrist and started taking antidepressants.” Eventually, my guilt surrendered to so much evidence. Thank you, AOH!

I lost my boyfriend, my best friend, my soulmate, on September 2, 2023, to an unexpected suicide. He was accomplished, confident, brilliant, caring, loving, kind, and willing to do anything for anyone. His energy was vibrant, energetic, and he would light up a room when he walked in. He showed me what it felt like to be loved, to feel safe, secure, and taught me what I truly deserve in life. The connection we had with each other was profound. …I am so grateful to have experienced every moment with him. I joined Alliance of Hope on September 28, 2023. Alliance of Hope has helped me tremendously through my healing process, and honestly, I don’t know where I would be without it. I view the forum daily as a reminder that I am not alone on this journey. Through the forum, I have found relatability, guidance, support, wisdom, clarity, inspiration, and a community. A community of people from all over the world that are coming together to help heal themselves and others along the way. Thank you, Alliance of Hope, for being the support we need in this world.

I did not find AOH until 2 years after my first son died. Prior to that I was stumbling around in the dark, alone and not understood by anyone. My friends and coworkers had no understanding of the kind of loss and grief I was experiencing. They expected me to “get past this and go back to the person I had been." Well sadly that was impossible. I couldn’t get past it, I could barely make it through the day. I wasn’t ever going back to the person I had been before. That person died with my son. I was in a place of dark despair with very little support. Therapy is essential but does not provide the daily “who do you go to at any time of the day when you’re falling apart."

Finding AOH for me was like a drowning person being thrown a life raft. Suddenly I realized there were so many people who were struggling with similar issues. I felt so understood and embraced and surrounded by support. I have never met these people in person, but they have become dear friends. They are my first go to when I fall down in that deep dark hole and need help getting back up. I am so thankful for the Alliance of Hope forum and the many loving people here that help me find my way along this life of grief.

I was already a part of this community when my second son was clearly struggling so badly. We were trying to help him but he refused everyone’s support. Sadly, he went the way of his baby brother. I had now lost two precious boys. It was helpful that through my unimaginable grief, I was already involved with this supportive community. It was impossible for me to believe that I was going through this again. I was still in so much pain from our first loss. I could not see a way of going through it again. But through it all, I have felt the love and support and understanding from numerous compassionate people. There are days when I still think I can’t make it. But I will open up here and the next thing I know there are so many life rafts being thrown my way.

What I know is that I am not alone. I am amongst friends that have experienced this and know my pain. They understand, I feel their love. We stand together and hold hands as we also reach our hands out to those who are just starting this journey. AOH has without doubt been my lifeline. It is my fervent hope that other people can get the help I have received here. That this community can make a difference in their grief journey.

I lost my husband to suicide in 2010. I am not exaggerating when I say The Alliance of Hope saved me from some of my darkest days in the months after his death. Finding a community of people who could understand what I was going through (and at all hours of the day/night) gave me comfort and strength to get through those days. Fourteen years later, I am still thankful to Ronnie Walker for starting the Alliance of Hope: truly a befitting name.

A light in the dark. A calm port in a storm. A safe haven. A place of grounding when the rug has been pulled out from under me. A space of acceptance, tolerance, love, compassion, understanding and hope. Those who have walked this journey light my path and give me confidence and validation. There are no awkward conversations here, no choosing my words carefully, no need to nurture the hurting family and friends. I can be nurtured here and I am grateful.

I lost my son in 2019, after a battle with depression and anxiety. I had also lost my father to depression many years before. I found Alliance of Hope three months after my son died. I was still numb, but feeling incredibly isolated and I did not know how I could survive. AoH was a beacon in a very dark, lonely world. I felt immediately embraced, understood and held with compassion, wisdom and understanding. For me, at over 4 years, AoH has been the most singular source of my healing. I had no access to a local support group. Therapy is not helpful for me. I needed to connect with other mothers who had experienced this loss. Other mothers who completely understood. Other mothers who had been kind, loving, resourceful, competent and educated, who had put their child above themselves, and yet their child had still died. I needed to know that there were other similar mothers; ‘good’ mothers, who this tragedy had happened to. I needed to write things that no one in my world wanted to hear. Words no one in my world could understand. I needed those words to be read and heard and understood. And to hear the wise responses to my unfathomable pain. Suicide grief is very ugly. Only AoH members understand and are there for you 24/7, no matter where you live.

Hello, my name is Sue, I live in rural South Australia, and in 2019 my world completely shattered when my 24 year old son John died by suicide. I didn’t know what to do, how to be anymore.
My daughter was the one who found AOH in the resource section of a booklet handed to us by the police when they came to tell us about John, and she rightly believed it would be a good fit for me, her introvert mum, so I joined about a month after his loss and haven’t looked back. I immediately felt supported and understood, such complex grief is a journey best done with others who understand.
I became part of a worldwide community of survivors like myself, and in my darkest days it was my lifeline, a safe space to read and share, to begin to feel a glimmer of hope for a very different future to the one I’d always envisioned. Now, almost four and a half years later I am still a committed member of this unique and very caring community, to lean in when I need to, but also to try and provide a little of the same support I received when I first joined.
Thanks to AOH I now feel able to say to the newly bereaved that you can do this, you’re not alone, we are always here.

In January 2023, I lost my husband to suicide. To say, this was a shock is an understatement. I was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness. I was so unsure of how to navigate the devastation that my children and I were going through. I honestly didn’t think I could survive this loss. A little over a month after I lost my husband, I found the Alliance of Hope. The support, understanding and compassion that I received when I first posted my story on the forums was like a balm to my wounds. No one can understand suicide and what it is like to be a suicide survivor, unless you have walked that path. The Alliance of Hope has been my guiding light through this darkness and I can honestly say that I don’t know if I would have got through this without other survivors holding my hand in this journey. I am 15 months out from my loss and this wonderful forum still provides me with comfort and support. People who have travelled this road before me, inspire me and give me hope that I too shall survive this tragedy. alliance of Hope and all that it offers has been my saviour.

This is an amazing nonprofit organization. It's genuinely one of the best spaces on the internet to feel safe, supported and heard. I joined a month after my older brother's suicide and was immediately met with compassionate support. I needed that. My brother's death shattered me. My friends were sympathetic but didn't know what to do or say. Losing a loved one to suicide can feel isolating so joining AOH was invaluable to help me get through that extremely hard first year. The organization has created a culture of kindness which envelopes all survivors no matter when they lost their loved one. We are really there for each other. I am in deep gratitude for AOH.

I found my way to the Alliance of Hope website several months after losing my wife to suicide in November 2022. I shared my experience with the forum, and within hours had received a warm welcome and wonderful support and help. In particular, sharing a space and thoughts with others who have experienced this kind of loss, was exactly what I needed, and continue to need.

For the last year, I have been checking in to the site nearly every day and have found it incredibly helpful. The support, advice and understanding from others on the site is always sensitive and appropriate, and it feels like a safe place where I am able to share my thinking, whenever I need to, 24/7. I do not use any social media, and was therefore initially wary of sharing my thoughts on the forum, but it has been a 100% positive experience for me.

Not only are there other people always there to read posts and offer guidance and help, but the resources and links to articles, books and podcasts provided on the site, often by other forum members, have been invaluable. Without a doubt, the forum has been the number 1 most helpful resource for me this last year. I wholly recommend AoH to anyone who has lost someone to suicide, and I personally cannot thank AoH enough for their support.

There are organizations and websites in my home country that support those who have lost loved ones to suicide, but none of them appear to be anywhere near as well-thought out or as well-maintained as the AoH. Thank you AoH.

After I lost my son to suicide during the start of Covid, there was no place to receive help. In desperation, I did a Google search for resources to help me. It was during this search I came across the Alliance of Hope. I was able to share my thoughts, feelings, and grief with people who understood this kind of loss. Suicide is complicated, as similar as some stories may be, they are also different. I was met with the kindness and compassion that I so desperately needed. This organization has been vital in my growth through grief, and am forever indebted to it. I wish I didn't have to find it, meaning my son was still here, but I know I'd be lost without it.

Alliance of Hope is a wonderful nonprofit community which exists because it helps to fill an enormous void. It offers many resource including books, movies, poems, articles, and website links as well as a posting forum with many categories to explore. I found AOH 9 months after the loss of my son. I desperately searched one winter evening for a resource after many attempts to find support. I was a shattered parent broken into a million pieces and needed a support I could access at various times throughout the day. I am still an active user 18 months later and continue to visit AOH often and have no plans to leave. The organization helps to connect a vast web of people at all stages along the journey following suicide loss.

Alliance of Hope is a wonderful and unique support group. It was my lifeline in the early years of my grief and continues to offer me guidance as I work through my complex grief, compound grief and PTSD. A loss from suicide is especially traumatic. AOH has wonderful resources and understanding staff that are truly helpful. I’ll be forever grateful.

I found the Alliance of Hope (AoH) one week after losing my beloved son, 22, to suicide in 2018. At the time, I couldn’t fathom being able to handle his death. Through many hours of reading and writing on the AoH site I learned from other survivors further along that there was still hope. As months and years passed, I learned from the kind, loving members on AoH that it was possible to survive and turn back into life again, though in the early days I couldn’t imagine it. I also started to participate in AoH’s tiered training and support program, and eventually have become a moderator. By being behind the scenes, I have learned how well-run and moderated the site is and I’ve continued to receive support.

After my young adult daughter's death by suicide in September of 2020, I was so adrift. The existence of Alliance of Hope was a true godsend. When I found the site a few months after her death (still so hard to write the word "death" in relation to my baby) - I was able to pour out my grief and suffering in the wee hours of the morning, as there are survivors all over the globe who are part of this beautiful, supportive group. I cannot overstate the value of Alliance of Hope in my grief journey. I thank Ronnie Walker and all of the moderators and others who make this site a reality, from the bottom of my heart.

I have been a forum member for almost 6 years. The Alliance of Hope has been an important tool in my healing after the death of my son in 2017. To be able to connect with others who have experienced the same type of traumatic loss is so comforting. The connections I have made with other forum members have helped me feel less alone and less of a social outcast.
The forum is truly a unique place of healing and acceptance in a world filled with hate and strife.

I don't know where I would be without Alliance of Hope. After my boyfriend took his own life in 2020, I found it impossible to access face-to-face support in my own area. I faced hurdles at every point without any energy to attempt climbing over them. Alliance of Hope, however, provided the most incredible international community of fellow survivors: people who would read what I wrote and respond with wisdom and compassion, helping me figure out this overwhelming experience. It honestly saved me: a small light in the darkest days of my life. I'm forever grateful. I want to applaud the team who make this organisation possible, from the CEO to the dedicated community members who take seriously the role of extending kindness to every person who joins the forum.

I have been a member of the Alliance of Hope for almost two years now. I joined a few weeks after my wife of forty years took her life and I was faced with a storm of grief, shock, and an overwhelming need to understand something so foreign to most people that we are just not equipped to cope.

The Alliance fills so many roles for its members. New members are greeted, usually within minutes of posting, and find people who understand what they are going through because all of us have gone through it ourselves. This was especially valuable because there are so few grief counselors who understand the special trauma that comes with a loss to suicide.

The Alliance also provides insights and support as people move further along their grief journey. The insights are wide ranging and include emotional support, advice dealing with family and children and even new relationships, and sometimes just practical advice such as when to stop the cell phone account. But the advice is credible as it comes from fellow travelers who have already lived the experiences with which newer members are struggling.

My own experience with the Alliance started as a new loss survivor and has transitioned into being a contributor and supporter, especially of the newer members.

I lost my mom to suicide on 11/25/22 and on 12/19/22, I found Alliance of Hope (AOH). My first post was, "I lost my mom to suicide 3 1/2 weeks ago. My heart is shattered. I don’t even know what to say." My pain was immediately met with kindness and empathy, the kind that comes from those who have lived through the nightmare of suicide loss.

Suicide loss is very complicated, and I needed (and continue to need) the support of the community. I'm no stranger to hardship and loss, but the trauma that comes with suicide loss is beyond anything I could ever imagine. I was crushed. Members told me that my grief would soften, but I couldn't see how that was possible. I can honestly say that the grief did soften. I have even had periods of joy. I miss my mother and always will, but I have a clearer understanding of how much pain she was in and that she would have never taken her own life if she knew how hurt we would be. The AOH community taught me this, and so much more. I don't think I could have healed as much as I have, if not for AOH.

--SummerRay

I found AOH through internet searches after my mother died by suicide. I read the forum for a few weeks and ultimately joined so that I could also post. Being able to interact with the compassionate, caring suicide loss survivors on this site on a daily basis has helped me tremendously, especially in the early months after her death.

I have checked in daily or multiple times per day now for months. The wisdom shared on the site, along with the compassion and understanding of survivors has been invaluable to me. It helps that some survivors are 1, 2, 4, and more years out from their loss. Life can continue, albeit differently than expected.

Suicide is not 100% preventable. People of all ages and relationships to others die by suicide. Suicide is complicated. I appreciate this non-profit's recognition of all these truths. Most of all, I appreciate the compassion and care shown to every poster. I am always sad when someone has a reason to become involved with AOH, but I'm incredibly thankful that it is there.

I can honestly say I would not be in the place I’m in mentally and emotionally if it weren’t for the Alliance for Hope. They were a godsend in helping me connect with others like me who have lost loved ones to suicide. Words will never fully encompass how grateful and forever appreciative I am that I found this amazing space of hope, love and healing.

Back in 2021, I lost my mother one month, my dog exactly a month later and then my partner died by suicide 6 weeks later. These three events were shattering but my partner’s death was a mind-shattering, harrowing experience as I found him myself in the early hours of a Friday morning.

How would I get through this? I felt so alone – like no one else would be able to understand or appreciate my pain. Not knowing anyone who had experienced a suicide loss, it was like I was now living in a bubble but not one where I could escape from or look through its walls. Rather, this was a black bubble; it was claustrophobically confining, silent and no light penetrated its walls – that it how I honestly experienced this event.

Eventually (6 months later) I stumbled across AOH and, though not convinced that it would really be able to offer me any help or respite, I reluctantly and apathetically posted my story. The next day others responded with much love and support and I no longer felt alone or that people did not get where I was coming from. The Bubble began to slowly crumble as its walls become thinner from the Light emanating from these total strangers. Even now I call these my Faceless Friends for that is what they have become.

Folk on the AOH Forum are extremely supportive and they are able to truly appreciate another’s loss. No one seeks to mend another’s pain but by sharing, we do begin to change from within and no doubt others may resonate with something that we ourselves share (a perception, a coping mechanism, the pouring out of our emotional pain and our sometimes mental anguish) The Blog page offers many useful, insightful and inspiring essays.

For me personally, I would have followed my partner had it not been for AOH and its (sad but true) vast community of fellow survivors. And if I had done so, then others around me would experience what I do – and I would never want others to go through this.

I would wholeheartedly encourage anyone struggling to reach out to AOH as they will find solace and a path which just may eventually lead them to an even plateau where they can find rest, healing and hopefully peace. They will not forget their loss, but they will possibly cope with it better than if they tried to navigate the Grief Journey alone.

This place is a wonderful place. The director reached out to me personally even though I was not expecting her to know fully how busy she must be. She made me feel at ease and welcomed as well as many others did. I would recommend this place to anyone who needs support

in April 2020, my four month old grandson died of an unknown metabolic issues. My daughter in law was a nurse practitioner and taken him to many doctor who could find nothing wrong. She had another appointment with a specialist the day after he died. She and I were extremely close; she was the daughter I never had. I loved her deeply.

After the baby died my son asked the doctor in the ER how to help his wife and the doctor said she will be fine, just get her some counselling in a couple of weeks. They came to stay with us since it was hard to go home to a beautiful, but empty nursery. A week after the baby died she died by suicide and I found her. Before this I had a nearly perfect life- a fabulous family and job that I loved and found success at, and a comfortable lifestyle. My world was shattered after she died. I worry about my son who also had a near perfect life. I cried every day. My husband and I think of her so often. After more than two years I still miss her greatly and think of her daily.

I did some grief counseling soon after her death, but the counselor was not particularly helpful. Some friends avoided me because they did not know what to say, while other went out of their way to check in. Then I found Alliance of Hope.

I got more helpful support through the forum, than from anything else I tried. People offered helpful suggestions. I no longer felt like I was a tiny island out in the middle of the harsh sea. Some of the kind responses I get on the forum bring tears to my eyes, because I feel someone truly cares and understands. I know that no matter what time of day I log on to find support, it will be there for me.

Since everyone on the forum has lost someone to suicide, there is an empathy one will not find elsewhere. I try to offer support to others on the forum. I want to feel I can help others going through this and want them to know they are not alone. Reaching out on this forum, has helped me feel resilient.

The people who volunteer their time to AOH are really amazing. They have put so much of their lives into this work. More items are added and updated often on the forum to aid the survivors. This forum has probably saved many survivors. It gives us a place to safely say what is on minds, things that sometimes are hard to say aloud. I am truly grateful for AOH everyday.

I came here not knowing where else to go after my mother took her life with a gun and I was the one to find her . That was in March 2020 . I’ve had many struggles throughout my life with a very complicated relationship with my mom . I almost felt like it was my fault for not being able to deal with her much and also that I didn’t have a right to feel bad as we had so much baggage .
What I found here were people who reached out to me and did understand that even if we weren’t the closest and had a strained mother daughter relationship , it was still so hard to except and even harder to except the fact that we would never be able to fix all the damage we had lived with our entire life . I felt as though my mother set it up for me to find her as a punishment to me . I learned that I wasn’t seeing things clearly and accepted that she was a very broken person . I still come to this site nearly every day for comfort and to support others coming in . Being able to say a kind word or show understanding to a fellow survivor helps me heal just a little more . This is much needed site because only those who have been there can truly understand .

When my brother died by suicide in November 2021, the axis of my world tilted sharply into the unknown. Deep shock, devastating pain and overwhelming anguish consumed my every thought and breath. I could not imagine navigating this devastating trauma and I began to look for wisdom beyond my immediate familial and friendship resources. The Alliance of Hope was an extraordinary beacon to discover in my darkest moments. The light was always on 24/7.

Initially I read posts for many weeks from the sidelines, and time after time discovered compassion, hope and understanding. There were strong, authentic voices of support and hope was offered from a community forged by common loss. The kindness is profound.

As a new survivor, I was welcomed, validated and understood. The standout message was ‘ you are not alone’. I leaned in, and was able to begin the hard journey of sitting with grief and living the journey, knowing that this community was with me as part of my healing support.

I am grateful for the generous, inclusive vision of care that is offered through AOH. The resources are wonderful, and fill a gap for many struggling for support. It has been astonishing to learn that it is even possible to thrive and grow.

I give the Alliance of Hope my strongest advocacy in supporting survivors of suicide loss. This organisation is making an enormous difference for thousands of people. I am deeply grateful for their vision and ongoing care in this unique, safe community.

Stumbling onto Alliance of Hope four months after we lost our son to suicide was serendipity. I was drowning in my grief. It was the height of the pandemic, support groups were online and only meeting sporadically, and the isolation, trauma, and stigma were overwhelming my personal coping abilities. I had no where to go with the pain. The AoH community instantly resonated with me. It became my daily go-to support system. Even two years later, I visit the forum every day. I often think to myself what an incredible gift Ronnie Walker (started AoH) gave to the suicide loss survivor community. I am so grateful for this forum. It is well organized and full of great resources. The moderators are amazing! They are loss survivors who possess an incredible ability to really "listen," understand, and respond within a short amount of time to a variety of complex situations. Their words are so often spot on and leave me feeling calmer and more hopeful. I am sad that there are so many new members everyday but I am truly grateful that AoH exists to provide that absolutely needed support for this type of complicated loss.

The Alliance of Hope has been one of my primary lifelines following the loss of my husband to suicide in August, 2021. Being able to connect with others who have experienced this kind of traumatic loss has been imperative in my healing and quite frankly survival. At 3 in the morning or anytime time of day I can go on the forum and know I will be supported. The service they provide is invaluable to anyone going through something like us. In addition I have been a part of their counseling services and a support group - and through that I have found immense healing and guidance. The staff and those involved in running the organization are beyond kind, professional, generous and responsive. I can't say enough positive things about this organization and the value they provide.

My wife competed suicide in 2012 and my journey into the unknown took me down a dark path. Luckily the Police and Fire Chaplains in my area have a Survivor of Suicide Group that I joined within a week of losing my wife. I was doing therapy and joining online FB groups but discovered the site were unsafe and not really active. I needed more than a monthly meeting to fill in the gap for the month, I found Alliance of Hope in 2017 and found the platform to have very active members that are very supportive and it is a very safe place for me and all other survivors that join the platform. I encourage other survivors in my area to take a look at this platform as it is a place to be around other survivors, a place that has an excellent group of moderators and members that are willing to share their stories learn from each other. I like how the platform is broken up into individual sections Re: "for survivor who lost their spouse" for survivors who lost their children etc. and is very easy to navigate and find what your looking for. If I could give this a 10 star rating I would.

My sons life ended September 2019. It was the phone call that left me falling to my knees. End of life was not on our radar, as far as we knew as his parents, he was living his best life and we were totally blindsided.

That was the moment our whole world turned dark. We were beyond devastated, we felt isolated, alone, confused, bewildered. I so wished I wouldn’t wake up in the morning to have to live another day of sheer horror. I was his mother I should have known, I should have saved him. I was living with guilt, I had failed him..

It was about six weeks after he had died I found AOH. It was the day I was saved, they saved me. AOH is filled with loving, caring compassionate people who understand. I was pulled out of the darkness and made to understand all that I didn’t understand.
I was given hope when I had no hope. All the lovely, generous, beautiful souls on the forum have helped me on my road to healing.

AOH is and will always be my go to place. I really and truly do not know where I would be today if I’d not searched and was lucky enough to have found such a wonderful healing place. For this I will be forever grateful.

After losing my daughter to suicide in Aug 2020 AOH has been the rudder that has guided me through the worst storm ever. I came here and found a loving, caring community. This is a complex grief, one that must be given the respect it requires. I was provided resources as well as a connection to others that I knew felt what I was feeling. I will always be a part of this community and I hope anyone reading this would consider a donation.

I found refuge at the Alliance of Hope after my son took his life. I was in a very dark and lonely place, desperately searching for a safe place where I could express the sorrow of my heart and know that I'd been heard.

The compassion that I witness and receive from this community daily is beyond words. Their healing culture offers hope that we can go beyond surviving . . . and that hope is something I latched on to almost immediately.

I'm not sure where I'd be on my journey without the continued support, kindness, and gentle guidance I receive from the Alliance of Hope.

Thank you for being available 24/7, unlike a therapist that can be seen for one hour, once a week, and then there is the chance that this therapist won't be able to fully grasp the depth of suicide loss. Therapists may mean well and may genuinely want to help, but you basically don't know much until you have felt the trauma of suicide loss yourself.

On the day, my husband died by suicide in 2021, my and my sons’ world came crashing down. Suicide grief is a pain like no other. For months, we were in such shock and pain. My children needed me, but I could barely speak or function. I had fallen l down a deep dark abyss and couldn’t get myself out. While I had been blessed with supportive friends, they didn’t know or understand about the complexities of suicide grief and I felt so alone.

When I found the Alliance of Hope - six months after my husband’s suicide - it provided me with the support and resources much needed to understand the complicated and complex grief associated with a suicide death. I found different ways for my family and I to properly heal and move forward in life. it showed me different ways to navigate the suicide grief journey. I wish I found it sooner.

I think Alliance of Hope plays a unique and much needed role in the suicide community. It provides a multitude of easily accessible resources for survivors of suicide loss: a well-designed website, 24 hour online moderated forum, useful articles, blogs, books recommendations, grief groups and individual counseling

The 24/7 online moderated community forum provides kinship - a supportive, caring, loving and constructive group of grieving suicide survivors who are experiencing similar challenges.

Alliance of Hope has been my lifeline this year. With AOH, I am climbing out of the abyss and no longer feeling alone. My children and I are surviving and healing better. We can even see light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you AOH.

Moderators are indeed self serving. Not allowed to discuss real issues unless you give them some money. If your posts get more attention than there’s they will purposely censor you to get you to go away. It’s a social self serving clic mostly for older women looking for narcissist supply; Who have nothing better to do very fake stay away

After much searching for resources for suicide survivors, I came upon Alliance of Hope several months after my sons suicide in May of 2020. I immediately felt welcomed into this community filled with understanding and compassion. Reading other survivors stories and receiving support meant the world to me. No one else can truly understand what you are thinking and feeling unless they have gone through it themselves and that is exactly what I was looking for. I was and continue to be grateful to AOH for being there for me during my darkest times. I appreciate the resources and links that are shared from other members and the moderators.

I lost my young daughter to suicide 18 months ago. The agonizing grief, despair and disorientation that comes from suicide loss is indescribable to anyone who hasn't experienced this tragedy.

I was seriously contemplating my own suicide when I stumbled across the Alliance of Hope website during another sleepless night. There were no Psychologists or useless platitudes that I found on other loss support sites. Just people like me who had lost someone they loved dearly to suicide, making their way through as best they could.

I waited a month before making my first tentative post and was overwhelmed by the compassionate responses I received from people who were in the middle of their own struggles. The AOH has been my constant companion and almost sole source of support since. I can say in all honesty that if I hadn't found this site I may not be here to write this review.

I first accessed the Alliance of Hope website and forum in November 2017, a month after my son had completed suicide. This charity has an outstanding cadre of trained moderators who are supervised by Ronnie Walker, a trained mental health professional, who herself is a suicide loss survivor.
The death of a loved one by suicide is still a taboo subject in many communities in the U.S. and many countries around the world. The Alliance of Hope forum is a safe place of survivors of suicide loss to share their experiences with a community of fellow suicide loss survivors. The moderation team of volunteers does an outstanding job of ensuring that the forum is free from spam and posters who might attack or malign any suicide loss survivors.

If you are a suicide loss survivor yourself, or are someone interested in supporting suicide loss survivors worldwide, the Alliance of Hope is a good investment of charity funding. The board of directors are volunteers as are the moderators. This is an outstanding charity doing supportive work.

June 24th 2020 was the worst day of my life.My 16 year old son lost his life to suicide. The thought never crossed my mind that this could happen to my son. The sadness the grief the guilt of not knowing anything was wrong. Where do u turn to for help. I just happened upon this site and I am so glad I found it. This was and is still my lifeline.Talking to others who have been on this journey before me can be so very helpful.Knowing that someone understands what u are going thru. I really have no idea how I would have made it thru this last year if it wasnt for the kindness and understanding of all these wonderful people who make up this site. I recommend AoH to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide!

Nine years ago, shortly after my brother's suicide, I found Alliance of Hope. It was perfect for me, because, I was able to simply read others' stories OR interact with others experiencing the same pain I was. Whenever I was overwhelmed with grief, I logged on and read or interacted, and was comforted. To this day, Alliance of Hope is there for me whenever I need it. I am very thankful to Ronnie for creating this excellent and comforting resource.

The community here saved my life after my brother died from suicide in February 2020.

My brother's death was my first big loss. The uniqueness of this community is that I do not have to explain my experience. It is ok if we don't use the right words, or whether or not we use words at all; everyone here already understands. Thank you for that.

I lost my husband of 37 years to suicide in November 2019. I was shocked and devastated. I began counseling to cope with my grief, but after a few sessions I knew that my therapist was not the right fit for me. Before I could find another therapist, Covid 19 shut down the world as we knew it. I was on my own to manage my grief. I began to research and read everything that I could about suicide loss and grief. It helped a little, but I was still so lost and hurting. Then I found Alliance of Hope. At first I just read through the posts of others. I realized that the individuals on AoH understood what I was going through and how I was feeling. I signed up, introduced myself and began posting. Immediately I was welcomed by so many kind, caring people who understood my grief and validated my feelings. I felt safe in posting exactly what I was feeling, and never be judged; only met with compassion. I still have a long way to go in my journey toward healing, but I am forever grateful for the wonderful people on AoH that have brought me to where I am today.

My husband of 34 years took his own life by self inflicted gunshot appx 19 months ago. I found his body and was devastated and experienced a great deal of emotional trauma as a result of his death. There were very few to almost no counseling resources in my community to assist me as a suicide survivor. In addition, I am a US Army veteran and EVEN THEY WOULD NOT HELP ME- for when I contacted the local VA office, they said they were only providing PTSD services/counseling for combat related veterans. I did not serve any of my 5 years in a combat role/mission. It was yet another blow to my already fragile state of mind/existence in the aftermath of his suicide. I found Alliance of Hope & immediately connected with others who have experienced the emotions and many of the situations I went through and am still going through. Their members understand, support, in a non-judgmental way and truly "get it". I feel it it were not for them, I could also have taken my life as a reaction to the emotional trauma I was going through in the first several months following his death. The members are genuine in their remarks and I have found them to be kind and gentle and honest with each other. I highly recommend this site for all suicide survivors, even if you don't want to post anything now, or in the future. Just read and understand you are not alone in your grief journey. I also appreciate knowing that there is a trained clinician as well as experienced moderators and a process for further mental health referral if it is ever needed. Excellent job!

I turned to AOH and Ronnie after the passing of my brother a few years ago. The forum, the moderators and other users were such an amazing, calming presence during countless, never ending, dark stormy grief days. The kind of honest, compassionate, relatable support I got through the forum (especially on those late, grief stricken nights), I was not able to find anywhere else. I sought professional in-person help outside of the forum and it was quite simply not the same, not even close.

I ended up doing one-on-one virtual therapy sessions with Ronnie (the founder of the site) and she was simply amazing! She always emphasized kindness, "kindness matters", it's such a simple yet powerful statement that really stuck with me.

Thank you to everyone on the forum for all that you did for me and that you continue to do for survivors like me everyday!

I found AOH a couple of months after my son passed. I was looking for anything to help me, and I have found myself visiting the site multiple times a day. There is a wealth of knowledge on suicide, up to date articles on studies, lists of books to help those grieving suicide, and most of all, a forum of supportive loss survivors. We share our stories, concerns, deepest thoughts and emotions, and receive so much feedback with so much compassion. This is a place I can go where I feel that people really understand and aren't afraid to listen and share. I've found this more helpful than my in-person support group. This is an extremely horrific loss. AOH has helped me so much.

I found AOH after loosing my oldest son to suicide. On this site I felt compassion. I learned I was not alone.

Alliance of Hope has been my lifeline in the last three months. On July 16th I lost my beautiful 39 year old son to suicide. I was despairing and devastated and really didn't know how to survive. After a few days, in the wee small hours when I thought I would not be able to go on, I found this site. It helped me tremendously in so many ways. It is full of caring and compassionate people who have all travelled this incredibly hard road and give such good advice. No one except suicide survivors understand the pain of this type of loss. The resources and links to helpful articles are brilliant. Thank you AOH

Before the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors, there was little help available for this population, certainly not the 24/7 care and support that the community forum provides, certainly not readily accessible information for which I was desperate. It was a lonely, dark time in my life.

Now, as I serve in the organization, I know what new survivors are feeling when they stumble in. I understand how difficult it is for them to believe they can experience any healing. And how alone they are.

Because of AOH, I can help. One step at a time. By shining a little light for them. All our lights together make it possible to change one life after another. To offer hope that they can make it.

But I do think of those who do not find us. Those who are still hurt and alone in that terrible grief. And I hope the Alliance can continue to reach out into the world.

CocoRo
New Member
Joined
Aug 20, 2020
Messages
0
Sep 3, 2020
Hello Ms. Ronnie,

I come to this site regularly and I suggest it to those around me that I believe can use it. I have several friends that are therapists and suicide is a hard, hard row to hoe for their patients.

Suicide touched my life life twice. In 1979 when I was 19. My father was a pastor and in our congregation was a wonderful young couple with a 4 year old daughter. The husband was bright, one of the brightest, a super student at the university in the chemistry department. This young family was often invited to my parent's home as they were broke college students! And they were delightful. I loved it when they came over. One fall evening, he was working in the research lab, and for whatever reason he decided to end his life with cyanide. He swallowed a fair amount. Then he panicked and ran outside. The next day I drove to the hospital where he was on life support and I knew my parents were there. I was just sick over the entire thing. I couldn't do anything so they sent me home. I remember driving out of the parking ramp weeping so hard that the ticket attendant told me never mind and just waved me through without paying. I struggled with this for a long time. I was not a super close friend, but I looked up to them and thought they were so "cool." It has come back to me time after time for years. He left a beautiful wife, and the most darling little girl behind. And why???? Being part of the Alliance of Hope has helped me come to terms with this.

Then many, many years later, suicide touched my life again. A family my husband had grown up with, gone to church with, were neighbors with had a tragedy. Their son in his 30s, shot and killed his wife, then shot himself. Their 5 and 11 year old children were at the grandparent's home at the time. We were asked to do the funeral. My husband the service and myself to provide the music. It was standing room only, and all I could see were those 2 children.

At the graveside service, the 5 year old asked his grandpa "where is daddy?" It was heart wrenching to say the least. I have carried that day with me for many years as well.

No one in my immediate family has completed suicide, but I have had countless conversations with congregants and others that have had suicidal thoughts. The Alliance of Hope website is such a Godsend to those that are left in the aftermath. A lifeline, a beacon of hope, a place of respite if you will.

Thank you for your diligence in creating and maintaining a site that offers a safe place and offers hope that life can continue. Your dedication moves me. I think I have read every single page of the website, every blog post, and forum entries. They are moving and life changing.

I lost a husband 8 years ago, not to suicide but to a sudden and severe stroke at the age of 50. It was traumatic for me. I have found hope and healing just reading through things here. Again I thank you.

I will promote and spread the word of this site to anyone and everyone that I can possibly mention it to. Thank you again for providing a place of solace and hope. You are an angel of goodness and mercy!

Dawne Renee Brown

The service that AOH provides for survivors of suicide loss is tremendous. When I found the group, I had been a survivor for almost 2 years already. My first thought was, “Thank God I found this information”. My next thought was that I wished I had found it sooner. Reading articles stories and viewpoints from people who understood what I was experiencing was so helpful. I was and am impressed by the ease with which the site can be navigated. It’s quite simple to find exactly what you need to read when you need to read it. I sincerely hope AOH is given every opportunity to continue to grow and help people deal with such a staggering loss.

Incredible complicated grief of loss coupled with traumatic stress. In no other loss are you facing accusatory questions of why like an invitation into your personal life and relationship status. Added insult to injury with the already crippling self induced feelings of quilt. Stigma.
Painfully simplistic awareness messages. I could go on and on..

Many loss survivors battle mild to severe symptoms of PTSD but with no flag of service. A physical and psychological train wreck where no one truly sees or understands. A kind of pain invisible to others. AOH offers a much needed space of validation. Resources to gain an understanding and facilitate healing. 24/7 you can simply read posts and comments of others and most assuredly be responded to by other caring and understanding loss survivors should you share. Finally, not alone!

I was a while before finding AOH and wish someone had shared the site day 1! I am 8 years out now and have come a long way in healing out of the dark and saying yes to life again much thanks to AOH. Ronnie Walker has created a much needed valuable resource to many around the globe...Thank you, Ronnie!
#SomeoneYouKnow #KindnessMatters
Tidbit

Jenaw35
AOH has been a lifesaver for me. I lost my husband to suicide in December 2018 . I also suffered secondary losses from his death. The forum has allowed me to have a safe place to express my thoughts without judgment. Someone is always there, even at 2 in the morning. Thank you AOH

I joined AoH a little over a month after losing my grandchild. I felt overwhelmed by shock and grief and feeling I needed to figure out how to help my family in their grief. I had one dear friend who came alongside me as I struggled. With others, I listened to instant judgments of either blame or being told my feelings weren't okay. More so, many simply didn't want to discuss loss by suicide and the grief that follows for survivors. I did not want to overburden that one friend or to add to my family's burdens in their own grief. I began searching for support online. I found AoH and quickly joined. I am so grateful I did. Joining felt like a warm embrace while in the midst of unimaginable pain. I was supported with every step of this journey and encouraged. I also learned that giving that same support and encouragement to other survivors helps in my healing process. This forum always encourages kindness and respect among all members so that it is a safe place for all to come to and be real and share their most heart shattering loss. For many, it is a lifeline. It has been the most helpful source of support in my grief journey. I'm grateful Ronnie started AoH because it stands out as one of a kind support that is available 24/7.

I stumbled across Alliance of Hope a couple months after losing our 27 year old son. I was desperately searching the internet for any advice, knowledge and comfort that I could find. AOH has been the place where I go daily to cry and share my sorrow. Losing a child no matter what age is horrible. Losing a child to suicide, knowing they hurt enough to leave this earth hurts even more. Indescribable. At Alliance of Hope there is always someone that listens and truly understands and feels what you’re going through. There is no judgment l; just kind caring words of understanding and wisdom. It is a community of strangers bonded together to form a family with one commonality..we all are those left behind by a loved one that took their life.

After losing my son to suicide ten months ago, my entire world turned upside down as did that of his wife and young daughter. I went to therapy for a few months, wasn’t working for me, tried everything, no support groups in my area, so I did an online search for ‘survivors of suicide’ support groups and came across Alliance of Hope. I immediately introduced myself, told my story, and was immediately welcomed and comforted by the most amazing people. That was five months ago and I’m still here. With them. Always. We all ‘get it’ and can share anything and everything without judgment. Full acceptance and understanding. No matter what or when. We are a true ‘family of suicide survivors,’ traveling this journey together, this journey none of us want to be on. But we are here. In support of each other. Adding insight and support. Step by step. Day by day. This is a phenomenal organization started by Ronnie Walker. She is amazing and continues to lead and comfort us along our journey. Unfortunately, in today’s world, suicide is on the rise. Attention needs to be paid to mental health/illness to stop this ‘pandemic’ of suicide. Suicide is not 100% preventable. Suicide is complicated. It needs to be discussed on a public forum, researched and successfully treated and stopped. In the meantime, Alliance of Hope is saving lives. Lives of survivors.

My nephew took his life by gun a little over a year ago. Afterwards I sought out a grief group, counseling, etc...,..
I live in a remote area and services and not nearby. So finding AOH gave me just that. Hope that I’d survive this. Hope in learning that I’m not alone, although I was very alone. I’ve utilized the forum and counseling services. It’s been my lifeline. Thank you AOH for being there where there were no others.

A friend of mine shared the link to this wonderful website 3 weeks after the loss of my son to suicide. In the beginning, it was a source of validation for the many chaotic and sometimes terrifying emotions that come with a loss to suicide. Reading stories of others is validating and helpful. Having a safe place to share where others others understand has been pivotal in any steps forward I've taken in a little over a year. I have suggested this site to others after they experienced this loss. I would not be where I am on my journey without The Alliance of Hope. I am forever grateful to Ronnie Walker and her team for creating and maintaining this place of hope and compassion.

I had the opportunity to interview Ms. Ronnie Walker for a school project. Very kind of her to accept the interview request and educate me about the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors. She is a very knowledgeable and kind professional who inspired me to think outside the box. She talked about the organization as being comprised of diverse individuals with different backgrounds, ideologies, and religions – people who relate to the pain of losing someone to suicide. I am grateful that the Alliance for Hope exists because now thousands of people, who need to be listened to, share their experiences without judgment, and know they are not alone, have a place for them.
The organization offers hope, love, kindness, relatedness, empathy, and empowerment 24/7. Ms. Walker supervised trained moderators who regulate the forum to maintain a culture of kindness. I read some of the forum posts and learned how therapeutic it is for people to share their journeys and find others who understand their pain. I wanted to say thank you to Ms. Walker, who allowed me to know more about the Alliance of Hope for Loss Survivors.

I wouldn't speak to my loved ones about my son's passing and suffered in silence for the first year. I read posts on this site but didn't have the courage and wasn't mentally capable of joining. When I finally got the courage and introduced myself, someone replied acknowledging my pain.​
Then and there started my healing with hope starting to shine on the horizon.​
I'd hate to know what would have happened hadn't I found this site as nothing else seemed to "fit" with my circumstances or state of mind.​
Alliance of Hope was the only "finger in the dyke" for me.​
​
A big thank you doesn't feel good enough

My 22 year-old son died by suicide on February 18, 2020. He was a college student and was devastated by the end of a romantic relationship . Despite my efforts in talking with him daily for a month he took his life; I thought he would get better with time and was not aware of his feeling suicidal. His father flew out West to be with him but he hung himself in his apartment before he arrived. We were living a nightmare. Soon after his death, I reached out to a counselor I had seen in the past. He had been very helpful in dealing with other issues in my life; however, I found that he didn't have the skills to help me deal with the grief and immense sense of guilt I had surrounding my son's suicide.
I had read an article about suicide in the NYT and Alliance of Hope was mentioned as a resource. It was a month after his death before I visited the site.
I am so grateful for finding AOH as I had never been so pained and confused in my life. It is the gentle support from other survivors on the forum as well as the available counseling that has helped me cope with the loss of my precious son. Both supports have helped me be there for my other three children as I am more informed about our shared loss. No one can understand the pain associated with suicide but another survivor who has experienced a similar loss.
I don’t know where I would be without the support that I have received from the AOH.
I am forever grateful.
B.Davis
Houston, TX

My husband shot himself this past February. I’m still in shock. I had no idea what this type of death does to you no matter who tries to help you they can not know what this type of death does to you. It’s only the people who have gone through it can understand this pain. I would not be here without the support from all these people. Thankyou for being here for me

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS like my new AOH family. I have gone to a counselor I like and really respect. She has helped me identify where I am in the grief cycle but my AOH family have validated how I feel AND ENCOURAGE me by their authenticity and vulnerability. I love my family, but would not want to wake them when I can’t sleep, when I can’t breathe, but AOH is available 24/7 without fear of waking anyone up.
I felt lost and confused as to where I fit. My title is Kaleb’s Gma- but our house was his stable home. AOH recognizes I am affected also.
I have so many words for this Site. Right now my AOH family helps me breathe
I have shared with my Family members. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Bridget Stovall

I lost my son to suicide. Sorry, I just didn't find the organization was very helpful. I understand they need donations, but felt that was the center of the organization, not actually helping people. The forum was difficult to use. If you wanted to talk with some one, counseling was $75/hour.

I just felt overall the site and people, were condescending.

Losing some one to suicide, shouldn't be about the money.

Since 1983 Friends for Survival, based in California, has been providing peer bereavement support to grieving persons affected by a suicide death. There were very limited resources for this grieving segment of our community. We have been honored to provide our services now to about 10,000 families.

We now offer our families the additional resource of Alliance of Hope. Their website is comprehensive and truly relates to the needs of persons trying to cope with such a traumatic death that can traumatize persons for a very long time. Many people do not have resources in their area but Alliance of Hope is available 24/7 and this service can save lives and allow persons to connect with encouragement and hope for the future. We distribute their brochures to every new family that contacts us.

Marilyn Koenig
Executive Director

Loss to suicide completely turns all you think you know about the world and people you love completely upside down. I have used the forums of AOH for close to three years trying to come to terms with and navigate the loss of a beloved family member. Nothing could have prepared my family for this loss, but AOH has helped me find a way to survive it.
Still a work in process, and I have received valuable support at every mile of this very long road at AOH.

There are not enough words to explain how this forum has supported me, given me gentle insights and even some good chuckles!
Grieving a loved one who died by suicide is not like other grief. There are many, many layers to this. Although society is slowly becoming enlightened, it's not fast enough when this tragedy is yours. It's a lonely and terrifying road. But, it helps beyond measure when you have people who truly understand. People who are always there. People who have walked along this journey and extend their encouragement and wisdom to you. I am thankful for the forum.

I don't know how I would have survived without the help of this group. Most "in-person" support groups meet maybe once or twice a month. This group is always there for me 24/7. I have always felt respected and validated. My needs and questions has always been met. It is a forum full of compassion.

I feel deep gratitude towards AOH and those members who were and are there when I need most. There was always someone there providing support to members who need to write out their feelings and seek comfort and support, be it the monitor, the members themselves, the administrators, etc. I feel safe there.

I found Alliance of hope after losing my dear brother. I was in shock, desperate and lonely. The staff answered me quickly and gave me comfort and support when I needed the most. They were wonderful. I don’t know what I would have done without Alliance. There’s always someone there to help you out.
The forum is easy accessible and convenient when you feel low. We are all like a big family to help each other. We are all survivors. Thank you so much for your support to the wonderful staff and friends in Alliance.

Suicide loss is utterly devastating and suicide loss survivors can feel isolated and misunderstood by others around them. AOH forum is a safe haven, a compassionate place of understanding and hope where you can connect with others, know you are understood and not alone. The excellent moderators and administrators of the forum are all suicide loss survivors and strive to keep the forum a place of kindness and understanding and are mindful of keeping it a healing environment, so there are membership guidelines and members are expected to follow them to ensure this healing environment is maintained. Having been a member for a good number of years, I am surprised and question the 1 star reviews I see here - they seem very out of place considering the number of very positive 5 star reviews and the thousands of suicide loss survivors who have found AOH a lifeline.

A few months following my partner's suicide, I was looking for ways to help me in dealing with the grief, guilt, and all the other emotions. Luckily, I found Alliance of Hope and since that day I'm on the forum almost daily. The support, compassion, and understanding I found here far exceeded my expectations. I never imagined the connections that I would make with people from around the world who literally opened their arms to me during the darkest days of my life. It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay, male or female; if you loss your child, spouse, sibling, partner, best friend, or whatever ... everyone here truly cares and offers insight to help navigate the whirlwind of emotions that come with losing a loved one to suicide.

Sadly, I read one review where she didn't feel included due to being queer. All I can say is that as a gay man, I have felt VERY included and supported by the administrators, moderators, and other members of this forum. Not once have I ever been discriminated against nor "shunned" because of this one very minor part of who I am. Suicide knows no boundaries on who it effects ... and this forum knows no boundaries on whom they help.

I found this wonderful website 2 weeks after losing my son. I am in therapy, I have support at home and am not without resources to aid in my coping. Alliance of Hope has by far been the most helpful tool in dealing with my traumatic and horrific loss. I have found a place of solace with others who, sadly, know what I'm going through. My feelings and experiences are met with understanding and genuine concern from an incredibly dedicated group of survivors. There is always someone available to share my pain and offer me heartfelt care. I can't say enough positive things about AOH.

I found Aoh after losing my son a little over two years ago and I continue to come here daily for the support, understanding and validation that losing someone this way causes. Those in my personal life feel I should be done grieving. Moved on. Fortunately they do not understand how shattering and rocked to the core losing someone this way causes. Unfortunately the members here understand all too well. They are the most compassionate, kind, wise and validating group of people I have ever encountered. When support is needed they will lend out a hand and if support is requested they will reach out knowing someone will grab theirs to get through those difficult times that can come out of the blue. Honestly do not know if I could have survived without this forum. Forever grateful.

I found this wonderful safe place to share my thoughts and feelings two years ago after losing my dad to suicide. It was the only place that I felt I was understood during the darkest time of my life. The members there reach out consistently and offer hope for healing and support all while managing their own grief. It is a truly beautiful thing to witness such kindness compassion and understanding from such a horrible tragedy. They are amazing warriors and I am so very thankful for the site resources and forum that AOH provides in addition to their services.

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT go to this website for help with healing, for help with loss, for help with any of your issues related to grief.

DO NOT DO IT.

The moderators and management on this site are self-serving, they have their own agendas and that does NOT include true help for loss survivors.

I can almost guarantee you will NOT get any help here, it is a waste of time.

This organization has truly played an incredible role in my healing after the loss of my husband. I have not the words to express my gratitude for this organization.

TAS
I have been on the Alliance of Hope daily for almost 4 years. I have never felt more welcomed and supported. I don't know how I would have survived the loss of my husband without the compassion and support of everyone on here. It is one of the best run support groups that I've seen. These members have become much more than just faceless, nameless people. They understand what I'm going more completely than other people in my life. The advise I've received has enabled me to navigate my loss. I'm glad I can be there for others and other people were there for me.

There are no words to describe how grateful I am to Alliance of Hope for their support after my father died by suicide. Confused, alone, and in so much pain, they offered compassion and understanding like no other. The loss of a loved one to suicide is so very difficult. Alliance of Hope gave me a safe space to talk about the things I needed to talk about. This is so important for survivors.

Grief support groups for suicide loss survivors is unavailable in my community and I found Alliance of Hope to be easily accessible, always available, much more than a meeting once a week for an hour or two. Members are supportive and understand the devastating and complicated loss of suicide. My raw emotions surrounding the death of my child are always met with compassion and kindness.

I stumbled upon the Alliance Of Hope a week after losing my husband to suicide. I was completely devastated and overwhelmed. I was unable to find support in my area. I was welcomed with open arms and found a port in the storm. I clung to the words of more seasoned survivors who offered hope and encouragement. I now had access to free support, 24/7. I honestly do not know where I would be without this amazing community. Thanks to Ronnie Walker, the staff and all the wonderful forum members, I began to find my feet and believe that we can and do, go beyond just surviving. AOH is a wonderful safe haven where survivors can gather. There is strength in numbers. The support here is phenominal!

Found the Alliance of Hope a few months after losing my son. Even with tons of family, friends and community support .....still I was feeling my intense emotions were too much for family and friends, counseling too infrequent to meet my needs.... even with all the supporters I felt isolated. I found AOH one evening and I just cried as i knew immediately i had found others that understood this horrid loss, this trauma to my soul. I felt heard. I felt embraced. I felt caring. I truly attribute much of my healing to AOH. Writing posts and reading the posts of others helped me feel so much less alone. Truly I am not sure where i would be without AOH. Real people, real emotions, very real support. Thank you Ronnie for creating such a sacred place of support.

The Alliance of Hope saved my life after my son took his life. The help I received was critical to my survival. If not for this organization, I would have never heard the term “suicide loss survivor”. I found out that I could be a survivor and now I consider myself to be one.

The support of the community is essential to navigating this complicated grief. The information and counseling through the site is second to none. I am grateful for it every day.

Moderators are poorly trained and unqualified to interfere in people's grief. They repeatedly invalidated my feelings, are inappropriately critical of emotions, and insensitive. They break all the basic rules of what one should not say to someone grieving and are too self-congratulatory to examine their own shortcomings. This forum is not queer friendly and I felt traumatized by the treatment I received from culturally insensitive staff. I went there seeking healing and intended to pay for their counseling and donate, but within a week, I became alarmed by their incompetence and found myself awake for hours, upset over their gross insensitivity, both to my grief and to my need to identify as queer and seek queer companionship. I deeply regret stumbling on this organization as they are utterly clueless about gay issues.

I found AOH about 2 weeks after my beautiful son took his life. My family and I are participating in counseling and grief support groups. I have not posted on blogs but read them and cry daily. The support and understanding mean everything to me. I am devastated by my son’s passing and feel supported by the compassionate guidance from AOH in moving through grief.

I found AOH a week after my son took his life. This was 3 months tomorrow. I don’t know what I would have done without the forums. I was a total mess as his death was unexpected and I felt like I couldn’t go on. With the support from members I’ve made it this far. I log in several times a day and find the care, love, advice and empathy amazing. Everyone on AOH ‘gets’ how I feel no matter who they’ve lost. I’m so lucky to have found AOH as we have nothing that compares in the UK.

Finding a group where the depth of your pain and loss is truly understood, isn't easy. Having a go-to-place that is always available 24/7, is almost unreal. Having found such a caring group of strangers some time after my child took his life, was being welcomed into a loving home. Lots of tears and hugs are shared, and healing truly happens here.

Since I lost my husband in 2016 to suicide, my life has been turned upside down and inside out. This is the most traumatic thing that’s happened to me. I have no family in the area and I’m all alone now with just my dogs. AOH has been a wonderful help! Having support from others who really understand this type of loss is extremely helpful. I’m grateful I have AOH to turn to in my many times of need.

Following the suicides of my mother and step father, this group helped me more than words could ever describe. I was completely lost in grief. I didn't know up from down, left from, black from white. Everything felt backwards and inside out. Like I had been thrown off the world completely. Through sharing and talking to other suicide loss survivors, I managed to cope with the insurmountable loss and continue to do so today, 2 years after they've passed. Without this group, I would still be lost. AOH saved my life and made living bearable when nothing else could.

This community of survivors of suicide loss has offered invaluable support to me since losing my son almost 3 years ago. This members of the group are always willing to offer compassion and understanding, even while dealing with their own painful experiences and deep grief. Though I am fortunate enough to live in an area with a number of in-person support groups, the Alliance of Hope has been available whenever I needed it, with people willing to listen and provide solace. I am extremely grateful to the group's founder, Ronnie Walker and to all of the good people that are part of AOH.

My 24 year old son hung himself right before Christmas 2016. He didnt live near me and I searched frantically for 2 weeks trying to find him knowing something was wrong. Jan 5 2017 I was contacted by police , he was hanging for about 2 weeks in his closet. I was of course devastated . My brain was on fire. I found this sight. I wrote everything at all hours of the night going crazy wondering why, how, and the guilt. And I found the most kindhearted moderators , whom never judged my son or I. And it gave great peace to all those questions and thoughts that consumed my brain. Im not 100% and not sure I will ever be but this sight saved my life cus I wanted to go with him in the beginning. Awesome people here that truly understand what its like to loose a child to suicide. Thank GOD for Alliance of Hope.

After losing my son in 2015 to suicide, the people in my life tried their hardest to understand what I was going through, but despite their love, and patience and support; how could they understand? I finally found Alliance of Hope 2 months later. It was this website where I found others who had lost loved ones to suicide, and they truly understood what I was experiencing. From the trauma of finding my son, to the little baby steps starting to put my life back together. I have yet to post something on this site that no one else has experienced. The members cry with me, and share my accomplishments. No matter what time of day or night I post,others are there to listen and share their journey. Three years later I still turn to AOH, and can say, that this website has been critical in my healing and journey through grief. I am forever grateful for this website, for saving my life, helping heal my broken heart . Alliance of Hope saves lives, and heals hearts. If you are a suicide loss survivior, I invite you to our forums where you will feel understood and unconditionally supported.

This site was something I just stumbled upon in May 2018, while desperately searching for some help after my best friend's suicide. This site has truly been my lifeline. I'm not sure where I'd be without it. I recommended it to my friends and family.
While everyone there has gone through such tragedy, it's a beautiful thing to be able reach out 24/7 and always have someone there to talk you through your darkest moments.
The moderators are wonderful and the resources are truly helpful.
This site is a Godsend.
Shannon

My 19 year old son died in 2014. The very worst unimaginable pain was assuaged slightly when I found AOH. It literally saved me. Sharing my thoughts, feelings, with others who understood was the only way I could heal... four years later I'm still here trying to help others. Thank God for AOH!

This site has been so helpful and instrumental in my coping with my husband's recent suicide. The warmth, understanding , sharing and helpful advice of other caring members has gotten me through many dark hours. The members understand the complicated and extraordinary grief and circumstances we are each going through and are there to help or simply to listen so you are not feeling all alone. I cannot say enough good things about it. It is especially helpful that those whose losses are more distant are there to provide encouragement and relate their experiences in things getting somewhat better as time passes. I am very grateful for this site and the way the site is moderated and organized.

This site has been a lifesaver for me. I lost my husband to suicide and felt as if I had no reason to live and no will to keep going. No one in my day to day life seemed to be able to relate to my grieving. Finding Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors was so overwhelmingly comforting and continues to bring me peace on a daily basis. It helps tremendously to have a place you can log onto any time day or night, weekends and weekdays, and holidays. The support is reassuring and to know you aren't alone has helped me in getting through the devastating loss. This site is absolutely wonderful and the members are so supportive of one another. It truly makes my heart happy when I log on to be able to read and reply to others who know exactly what I am going through.

When my husband took his life, I was broken and shocked beyond words. His death left me without my best friend, companion, love and my young children without a father. Other losses came steadily in all areas of life.
Mourning this loss is a unique and complex. I have known many losses in my life; nothing compares to this. The isolation and stigma are very real. The people I expected to be the most supportive disappeared after the last casserole dish was returned. I have learned this is not a unique experience. So, where does a devastated person turn? Thank God for the Alliance of Hope. A member quickly learns that any guilt, fear, a host of other emotions & experiences are not that unique. Not in this world. They're still painful, but what a relief to find comfort & understanding! Those who have built lives of meaning after this loss, share experiences and hope. They prove a real life is possible. Support and help are here 24/7. At some of the hardest times, holidays, the trained moderators are available for support.
There aren't enough words to express how much the Alliance of Hope means to me. How do you explain what being able to live and having hope for a full life means?

I lost my husband to suicide. I was going through a very difficult time when a good friend of mine suggested I find a group to connect with who have also lost someone to sucide. The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors Forum has goes above and beyond my expectations. At first I was afraid about broadcasting my personal thoughts and feelings, however, the members on the forum have been very caring, supportive, and understanding for me. They helped me feel comfortable when I did not. The members on the Forum have given me a place to share with them and they understand and know how painful my circumstances are because they have had similar experiences and can relate to my feelings. Now, I feel better in my skin and I can also send love and caring thoughts to others in need which makes me feel good about myself.

The forum on Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors (AOH) has proven to be a tremendous resource for me during a very difficult time in my life. I have met people on the site who have experiences similar to mine, and who have helped me in countless ways. I know there is someone to share with online virtually any hour of any day, and that person will be supportive and understanding. I have also found satisfaction in helping others as best I can. AOH is a blessing.

As the one-year anniversary of my 17-year-old son's suicide is slowly and quickly approaching, I look back and cannot be grateful enough for the lifelines I still have left. Alongside my only surviving daughter, local support groups, my psychologist and walks with a fellow suicide loss survivor, Alliance of Hope continue standing as an absolute necessity to my survival. It is only within this tiny circle that I feel safe to share this most challenging journey that have twists and turns when least expected. No other family member, friends, coworkers, etc. could even remotely understand. Some expect me to keep a stiff upper lip and move on as if life is still great and grand. This unreasonable expectation came from some almost immediately after his sudden and unexpected death. Only other suicide loss survivors can understand the horrific challenges we continue to face. The beauty of Alliance of Hope is that it is available 24/7. It allows us to find others with similar losses because those are the ones we can connect with most – each loss comes with its own set of issues. I don’t know where I would be without Alliance of Hope.

I found this site while searching for answers after I lost my son to suicide April 14, 2017. I have found this site to have many kind loving people who thru their own journey have found words of wisdom to share with me and others. To go through losing a loved one to suicide is so awful, hard and lonely. Having somewhere to go anytime of the day and reach out to others helps a little with not feeling so lonely . I am so grateful for this website!

I stumbled across Alliance of Hope a week after my sister took her life after doing a search for support forums for those who have lost someone to suicide. I received responses very quickly after I posted on AOH and have found all the members and moderators to be full of compassion empathy and understanding, something that is so needed when you lose a loved one in such a tragic way. I have yet to find any in person therapy or support groups close to where I live because I reside in the desert and everything is spread out and takes a long time to commute to. I am so grateful for AllianceofHope.com for making me feel so at home and cared about. There are times my grief hits me hard and it's such a comfort to have somewhere to express my sadness day or night.

Alliance of Hope has been like a lighthouse in the raging storm of what it is to lose someone you love to suicide. Even before I was ready to join the community I came and stayed on this site, everyday and sometimes all day, just to get me through the first three to four weeks.

I needed help. I needed understanding. I needed love, acceptance and reassurance that this experience was just as awful as I thought it was, but that I would be okay. Alliance of Hope gave me all of that and more.

It is a grace by itself, and yet that it is a free resource makes it a salvation. I am one of those who lives pay check-to-paycheck. I would never have even considered trying to find space in my budget to help me with what is a truly, near unbearable grief, because I simply wouldn't be able to afford it. I have needed this support more than I could have known and that it was available to me on this website just makes me feel lucky. Lucky to be heard. Lucky not to be alone.

I am so glad that Alliance of Hope exists. No one wishes this site was necessary, but everyday I'm grateful that it is there anyway.

I am so grateful for this loving, caring community. I never thought I would need to find such a group however, here I am. I have gotten so much support just from reading other's posts and from responses on posts that I have written. I don't post a lot, mainly because it is sometimes hard to find the words, but when I do, I know that there are many people that fully understand the pain and can encourage me. Without this group, I'm not sure I could cope as well as I have!

AOH has been an exceptional help for me to feel not so alone. There is nothing I could really do to thank everyone for support .
In my family we were not told what happened,just that she died.I was a child of 7,when my mother committed suicide and 3 months before took the life of my baby brother...AOL even has a special forum for murder/love suicide. Sad but so soft to land my feelings here. My dear dad had so much love and concern yet could never speak of this. Hurts to imagine his hurt. Eventually as an adult I tried to get some answers as I have never really grieved ,yet felt so tangled up inside. Finding AOL has given me a listening ear in a way not to feel so alone and that my feelings are valid and it is ok to talk of them with others in this community of sadness from loss of this kind. It's like an oasis in a desert. A sip of water to help me through some difficult feelings. Untangling my emotions after so many years is also like a breath of fresh air. I still cannot talk to anyone face to face about this, where I have tried in the past to not feeling they understand.so this gives me the privacy in some ways to face myself with kind people.

Alliance of Hope has been a tremendous resource for me in the aftermath of my son's suicide. The forum site is well run and moderated, which equates to making it a safe place to share. The forum members provide so much understanding and suppport that I was not finding in other places. There is even skype counseling available if you need it. This organization provides connections to other resources as well - like local support groups, books to read etc. I can not say enough positive things about Alliance of Hope. It is sad for when new members join, for the reason they have to be there, but I am glad this resource is there for them.

I lost friends family members to suicide I think of them and miss them daily I tried many times myself but it never worked not a day goes by I xobt think of them and want to be with them but then I think of how it affected us and how my fAmily would feel how it may hurt them

My son took his life in September 2014 on what would have been his first day of high school. I found AoH about 2 months later. I watched the forum and read posts for a couple weeks and discovered there were so many people like me -- trying to heal, trying to help family members heal, trying get re-grounded. I joined a couple weeks later and have found unparalleled encouragement, support, healing, wisdom, and hope.

After losing our dad by suicide in January 2015, I was searching online for support groups for myself and my brother in our respective communities. I found weekly meetings in his area, but where I live meetings are only held monthly. During that search, I found Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors and joined immediately. Unfortunately a few days later, my brother also succumbed to suicide. AoH was an incredible support during those devastating days. Reading and writing posts there kept me going in the following days, weeks, and months. Alliance of Hope is an invaluable resource for the loved ones of those who die by suicide.

The only thing that has remotely helped so far. So grateful that this site exists. Losing someone you love to suicide is so isolating. This site reaches far and wide to show you, you are very much not alone.

I accidently stumbled across AOH on the web after being blindsided by the suicide of my son in 2014. Everyone greeted with me with open compassionate hearts. Family, friends, and church members had no idea of what it was like to go through suicide loss. I was all alone, until I found AOH that morning. I immediately realized that yes, I could survive this and someone did understand! Here was real help & hope, not just the standard clichés you get when someone dies. And someone is always here 24/7 to reach out. I will forever be grateful to AOH.

I am happy to share my experiences with the life-saving nonprofit, The Alliance of Hope.
As you might expect, I experienced the greatest shock and the greatest pain of my life when my husband died. There were no warnings. He showed no classic signs of suicide, with which I am familiar. I am surrounded by a loving and supportive family. I have an excellent therapist and Doctor. But, I needed something more and I wasn't sure what that was.
In-person support groups were not an option for me.
I spent a lot of time reading articles on the possible causes of suicide, reviewed statistics, read studies. All this reading left me feeling more terrified and alone.
Somehow I tripped across this site. I was immediately relieved to learn I wasn't losing my mind, to see others truly understood.
This site is monitored 24/7 by trained moderators. There is no fee to join. You don't even have to "sign up"; you have still access to information & help. All are anonymous here. The website is concise and precise. It is easy to navigate.
The first time I posted, I was overwhelmed by the support and genuine care I received. I also learned some good tips that were easy to follow to help myself. I became a more active member, posting questions, concerns, deepest fears.
There is a lot of mystery and misinformation about suicuide. Whether it's a news report or a movie, one is lead to believe suicide results from one singular event. This adds to the confusion and horror to those directly touched by suicide.
It's right that people who are suicidal have access to immediate help and hopefully receive it.

There's one group that's overlooked - that's us. Those left behind in the wake of this tragic loss. Professionals in the medical and counseling fields often not know what to do with us or how to help. More isolation and fear is often the result.

AOH addresses the needs and concerns of us. I could find no other online resource for those who lost a loved one due to suicide.
There are many worthy nonprofits out there. But, our group is a solo group that tends to the needs to such a vulnerable group. There are no walk-a-thons or ribbons to "raise awareness" for us.
If you have lost a loved one because of suicide, this is the ONLY online resource you will need. We understand.
If you are trying to help a child, friend, coworker that has been touched by this tragedy, please visit for insight.
It is not an exaggeration to say AOH saved my life and, by extension, the lives of my children.
Thanks for reading this!

As is often people's experience, I found AOH at a time when I most needed a compassionate online community of people who shared my uniquely life-altering experience. I was immediately enfolded by compassion, empathy and a feeling of safety to express even my darkest emotions without judgement. Responses to my posts were generous and timely providing me with strength that I could hardly muster myself.

Members on AOH are at various points in their journeys, from the very new to many years out. I found there was/is something to be learned from each post as I read them. There is never any pressure to respond or write a post-any person is welcome to simply take what they need until they are ready to participate. Everyone can feel comfortable according to "where they are" at any particular moment.

The Alliance of Hope Forum is a collective consciousness on a shared journey to try to turn back into life after the anguish of losing a loved one to death by suicide. There is at least as much light, if not more, as there is darkness in the sharing of each person's struggles and accomplishments, large and small. It feels like hope eventually becomes part of every personal story.

The AOH Forum is moderated with professionalism and attention to all of the details surrounding a public Internet Forum. Infrequent issues that come up are addressed immediately so that members feel as secure as possible. Navigation on the site is user-friendly.

The AOH founder and Clinician, Ronnie Walker, is amazing in every way as are all staff members!

I found my brother hanging in the attic in 2012. My life fell apart. I found that when I talked to people they either walked away or didn't really understand. I discovered Alliance of Hope and find that this site is a great help at times when I am low and talking freely with people who have gone through similar experiences helps me offload and get through it. I also feel that helping others gives me a sense that I can be strong despite the trauma of surviving my loss.

My nephew completed suicide in March 2015 and my husband in June 2015. My whole life came crashing down around me and I was devastated. I also lost friendships I thought I'd always have, I lost my home, my job, family, and I lost hope.

Out of everything I lost, hope was what I needed most. Without hope, I couldn't start again, rebuild, heal, or find a new normal. When I found the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors, I found the hope I was searching for! I also found others who understood, caring friends, and support any time of the day or night. I absolutely would not be where I am today without AOH. It is my safe place amongst the chaos of my life.

After losing my son to suicide I was without hope of ever being able to fully join life again. Traditional therapy left me feeling a disconnect as the counselor was not familiar with the unique challenges that come with losing a loved one to suicide. I found the Alliance of Hope 6-7 months into my grief. For the first time I felt not only heard, but understood, I sobbed at that realization. The Alliance of Hope provided me a safe and caring environment to voice my grief and to honor my healing. Recently I wrote a post that summarizes my thoughts of the Alliance of Hope. "I think the beautiful and certainly unique quality of the Alliance Of Hope is that it is a living, breathing place where grieving and living come together to offer hope." I will forever be grateful to Ronnie Walker for her vision and hope.

I lost my wife to suicide earlier this year. A friend found and mentioned Alliance of Hope to me. The Alliance of Hope has been a critical part of my healing process. The people there have helped me through some difficult times. I would not be where I am without this organization.

I lost both my spouse and son six years ago. AOH was, and continues to be, the one community I can turn to when I feel unconnected. AOH provides survivors with a desperately needed sense of belonging. In this community, we are never judged and always understood. In a world where survivors often feel isolated, alien and painfully alone, AOH is a safe haven.

Infinity

I lost my youngest son to suicide in December 2012. Some nine months later I found the Alliance of Hope forum. Not only had I found a place where I was understood, where I was not alone but where there was a message of hope. Hope that I could go beyond merely surviving and feel happiness again. Hope that I could again contribute in a positive way in this world.

I live in regional Australia the availability of services in my area experienced in this type of traumatic loss was zero. The Alliance of Hope fast became my lifeline. The support I received from this community is the reason I am where I'm at today.

Now nearly three years later I serve as a moderator on this forum keeping it the same safe, nonjudgmental place and offering support to the many members of this unique, though hurting community.

Alliance of Hope has been the single most helpful resource after the loss of my 21 year old son to suicide in March 2014. It is a place of compassion and understanding--everyone "gets" the unique grief brought by this kind of loss. It is a lifeline and, indeed, a place of hope.

A little over a year ago, I lost the love of my life and my best friend to suicide. We'd been together for two and a half years, and he was my everything. It was incredibly out of the blue, made/still makes no sense, and has changed literally every aspect of my life. He was only twenty-three.

Not sure how I was going to go on without him, I went searching for resources. I found Alliance of Hope almost right away. After a month or so of lingering without joining, I finally became a member of the forums. Since then, I can say that the people on the site have been one of my greatest support systems. I don't know where I would be without the forum, but I can guarantee it is nowhere good.

No one wants to be a member of this kind of club. No one deserves it either. Regardless of the tragedy we've been dealt, everyone on this forum (from the moderators/creator to the new guests) is incredibly supportive and understanding. We are able to cheer each other on in times of good and also understand, with literally zero judgment, when others are having a day so bad that we almost want to follow our loved ones. It is a welcoming, loving, safe environment for people in all situations and from all walks of life. This non-profit is literally a lifesaver and a complete asset. I'd recommend it to anyone who has experienced the crater that suicide leaves behind.

I lost my father to suicide in August 2013. This experience has been intense and painful. The support given by Alliance of Hope each and every day is powerful. It saves lives. It provides a safe space for families and friends of loved ones who've completed suicide to process and heal these devastating losses. I will be forever grateful for Alliance of Hope and the role this organization has played in the aftermath of my father's suicide.

In November 2014, I lost the love of my life of 28 years to suicide. The impact on my life was beyond anything I could possibly have imagined. I tried for many months to cope on my own and get back to some semblance of work. I believed I was perfectly capable of healing myself. After 8 months, I finally realized it would take more...a lot more.

I live and work in a small city in northern British Columbia. I did not feel comfortable seeking out counselors I knew personally or through my work. And, I could not find anyone that had experience with survivors of suicide loss. A few months earlier, I had found the Alliance of Hope and occasionally watched and read the forums and Facebook posts. I went back there and signed up for a set of counselling sessions. It was the best gift I ever gave myself.

Almost a year later, my sessions with Ronnie Walker continue albeit not as frequently now. Ronnie has gently guided me through the gut-wrenching maze of despair and has helped me begin to put the pieces of "me" back together again. She has encouraged me to write - something my husband always believed I could do. She supported me as I navigated through the bureaucracy of filing disability claims and let me vent when it seemed the odds were stacked up against me.

Most importantly, Ronnie and the Alliance of Hope gave me my life back. Is it different? Yes. Is there still a long way to go? Absolutely. But...through the unconditional acceptance of everyone who is involved in and contributes to this organization, I have hope again. For that, I will be forever grateful.

My role as a user of Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors is no doubt different from the norm and I would like to briefly explain. After 2 losses in my wife's family to this unforgiving disease, we sought any and every means available to help us heal. I had good prospects to recover but my wife because of very complicated reasons, was in danger of being eternally damned by the fallout. Years and years went by. We had no resource like the Alliance (AOH). Our strongest weapon was to participate and then help facilitate a local support group. After the local group dissipated from lack of promotion, we started building a new group that would stand the test of time. Researching this startup is what brought up the site of AOH. I was actually looking for alternative resources for members of our live group when there was no immediate meeting. I am sorry for the lengthy opening but I felt that this type of intro was necessary to put my impressions of AOH into perspective.

I have never been a fan of online forums for support. They just fall short of the goal for various reasons. I came to AOH site with very low expectations. When I arrived I was impressed. The first thing that was blatantly obvious was the respect and sincerity between members. The issues of suicide in our families is not a light topic. All of us survivors have special requirements and the first posts and blogs I read on the site actually fulfilled those needs. What was just as blatantly obvious was the absence of the typical drama and questionable material in the posts from the members. Those things are all too prevalent and have soured my experiences in lending help in online forums. This caught my attention so vividly that I was intrigued to dig deeper into the site. I signed up and started participating in the posts. It was at times too emotional, especially when reading and responding in the introductions forum, where the raw grief and despair of new members left me with feelings as deep as I had experienced years ago. I had to pace myself in that particular forum but moved to others where I participated, sharing personal experiences and validating other people's experiences. All this time, the AOH site left me with a strange feeling… one that I cannot explain. I was talking to people on an online site but I had the feeling from somewhere deep inside like I was participating in a live group. That to me is a powerful feat.

Things I found that made me admire the way AOH was built include, most importantly, the presence of a large number of moderators. Not just moderators in name but moderators who actively work the forums. Whenever someone posted, the post was addressed very quickly. If no members were online to respond, a moderator appeared to soothe the painful feelings of the member. I cannot stress how important that is in a support group of any type, let alone one that is there to fill the needs of those in excruciating pain.

Another priceless trait of the site is that religious faith is not promoted but it is welcomed with open arms. I myself believe and love reading members offer prayers and condolences based on faith, but at the same time, the ones who do not believe, exist here perfectly content without being preached to.

Those are just some of my observations about the Alliance of Hope. Being the engineer and scientist that I am, I cannot help analyzing things I don't understand. I can define some of the things that make AOH successful but it still leaves a big question unanswered... What is it about this site? I cannot honestly answer that question but I am overwhelmed by how well it fills the needs of people who need an extreme amount of help, caring, understanding and compassion. For this, I applaud the organization.

I lost my mom two years ago today. There is a huge hole in my life, I am anchorless, she was my rock, my safe place, I knew I was loved unconditionally and that is gone. The Alliance of Hope really helped me, I have friends but they don't really want to hear it, me and my feelings, at least not for long. The community on this forum has always been willing to listen, the responses always caring and concerned and thoughtful. It is so helpful just to vent and everyone just gets it, they understand the need to vent, it is so hard, right? I just talked to my brother, today, on the anniversary of her death, and not a word about her. This is why forums like this are so helpful. I need to talk about her. If my family doesn't or can't, this forum lets me talk and I feel like someone is listening and caring. And this community does that. It helped a lot and still does.

Hello, my name is Ariunaa J. and i'm not allowed to enter my last name. See that's the thing, i'm a minor, 12 years of age. I lost my father to suicide when I was 8, while my mother was in a different country and barely even talked to her. My father was the only one who actually understood me, at the time I had an IQ of 121. Guess you're here thinking "Haha this kid is just here to brag about her IQ!" No. No other day I was diagnosed with depression, and found out my dad had a bipolar disorder.
I'm 12, I can't write long and detailed texts. I'm 12, don't understand the world. I'm 12, but I know that suicide is a horrible, horrible thing. To be honest I have attempted suicide multiple times. Too many people have told me "I understand" or "You have to move on". Tell me, did your father commit suicide when you where 8? Researched 5 long years for someone who could help you? Everyone telling you to just move on? You might think a 12 year old shouldn't be here. 12 year olds are children, meant to be looked down upon. They are stupid, young. Oh how I wish I could be as oblivious as my classmates, as innocent and pure as them. My father was my hero, like superman. He was my role model, I wanted to be him. He was more than just a dad. My first word? Dada. What was I? A Papa's girl. After his suicide I had not said a word for more than 2 weeks, I tried not to talk to anyone. It's not like I did normally anyway, I was the nerd in class. Dad and I were so alike, we had the same birthday. One month passes and it's our birthday, just a quiet dinner, with the family. Even my mom was there. I can't remember that there were presents, I wouldn't have wanted any.
Imagine, being a child. Your birthday should be the happiest day of the year, and you get to share it with your favorite person. Now hold onto that feeling, and crush it by the sudden realization that they will never be there again, and multiply that by 10. That's my depression. My depression has gotten so bad, my grades have dropped to that of mainly Fs and if i'm lucky Ds. I try, honestly. It's just that... I can't. I need help.
Just today, I was going to take my life. Then I found this, and thought i'd give myself some more time.

For now, i'm stable. Does anyone know how I can maintain that way? Sorry my English, grammar and spelling is horrible. The last time I was in America was when I was 8.

Five months ago I lost my husband of 15 years, the father of my two children to suicide. I was completely shocked and devastated, convinced I could not survive this terrible blow. My family was there to support me through the funeral but then everyone quickly resumed their "normal" lives. I was drowning in a pool of grief so complicated I couldn't begin to make sense of what I was feeling or how to deal with it. And I had two children who needed their mother more than ever. That's when I began searching the web for some much needed support. I found it on the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors. I couldn't believe it. Sadly, there were many others who knew just what I was going through. This community of survivors has held me up when I needed it most. I will be forever grateful to AOH for helping me when others simply did not know how. AOH helped give my kids their mom back. I keep coming back to AOH to gain the strength I need and to support others on this journey of the suicide loss survivor.

I am a suicide survivor. I never thought I would have to say those words in my lifetime. When the youngest of my three sons took his life Septmber 9, 2013 at the age of 22 I was blind sided. None of us saw it coming. We had no warning. I found him. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder in addition to unbearable grief. I found the Alliance of Hope by chance. It has been my saving grace and lifeline.

The Alliance of Hope is a club no one wanted to join. But the members share a strong bond of love and hope. There are people who care about you, will listen to you, will cry with you, and who will try to smile with you again one day. Pain is shared but so are memories and inspiration and suggestions.

I sometimes feel like I am the weakness person I know and other days I feel I am the strongest person I know. I reach out to family and friends and my counsellor for strength. And everey day I go to Allaince of Hope for my daily inspiration, a kind word, and strength from others who know my pain and can help me deal with it.

In August of 2014, our youngest daughter died by suicide. We were totally blind-sided by her suicide and never dreamed in a million years that would be something she would consider. In the aftermath, we were scrounging for someone or something to understand the pain we felt and to make sense of our own pain. We live in a very rural area so the resources were just not available. We finally did find a telephone counselor but she had never dealt with suicide and was kind of out of her element. After four long months, I finally discovered the Alliance of Hope Forum. It probably saved my life. It was somewhere to go in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. It was full of kind and compassionate people who had walked that same path. It has brought me healing and hope.

Our only daughter suffered from sever fibromyalgia, migraines and IBS for a couple years. Depression followed along with side effects of the medications she took. She overdosed this past April. and left us. In a millions years I would never be able to describe the sense of loss, isolation and devastation I felt. It was difficult to breathe, then the dawning that many around me had no idea what to say so they said nothing. Even my husband and I had trouble speaking about it. I started to search for some help and found this site. It has truly been a lifesaver. The survivors in this group know intimately how I feel, they say what I am thinking, they feel the same sense of isolation and they give from their hearts. There is so much empathy, love and caring, when I sign on, I feel a connection that I desperately needed. I honestly don't know where I would be without the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors and thank them all form the bottom of my heart each and every day.

Losing a loved one to suicide is devastating. I lost my husband, the love of my life, 9 months ago. My heart had been ripped from me and I didn't think I could go on living w/o him. But I have. I can honestly say, AOH has been a life saver. I have had guidance and love and truly caring people helping me get thru this tragedy. Other survivors KNOW...they know how you feel and what you are going thru, they know the devastation, they know how to comfort and to listen. AOH has made this life changing journey feel not so lonely. I have been given HOPE that I can live again....and learned a great deal about suicide, to really understand. I am so grateful to all the survivors...they are family and will forever be a part of my life.

This journey has been so difficult. Everyone on here understands and has been so helpful in my healing. Anything that I am feeling - they understand. They have been my lifeline for the past 9 1/2 months. I don't know how I would have survived to this point without them. I tried an in-person suicide survivors support group but it just left me feeling sad and lonely. No one there lost a husband and they didn't know what it was like to be totally alone - no family nearby. But at the Alliance of Hope - they know. And I don't feel so alone. Any questions or concerns that I have, someone else has been there and knows how I feel. The Alliance of Hope has been the biggest and best part of my healing.

When I first lost my boyfriend to gunshot wound to the head in October of 2014, I was feeling so much shock and trauma that I couldn-t function. I knew people loved me and cared about me in my personal life, but they simply didn-t know how to deal with someone in trauma. As the early days wore on, I finally found this site and would rise out of bed, if only to read and write on this forum. It helped me get out of bed and eventually, to work. I didn-t feel nearly so alone. I learned about ways to cope from other survivors further along. I learned to accept my experience and emotions as they occurred, which served to lessen my pain exponentially, at a time when I didn-t think I could take 1 oz. more of emotional pain without completely buckling under the pain and taking my own life.

So, yes, I will be forever and ever indebted to the support I have received here. True unconditional acceptance is something that isn-t always so easy to encounter or to show to others, but I have found both at AOH.

Since losing my son, Daniel, age 28, to suicide on March 9, 2015, I have been really struggling with coping with all parts of life. In the very early days I considered committing suicide myself, the grief and pain is very real and very hard to cope with. Living in a small town in Nevada it is hard to find a group to connect with where the members have been through a similar experience and are able to understand your feelings and struggles. At Alliance of Hope I have found others who have been through this trial and they are able to give me suggestions as to things that will help me to find a new normal in my life. At only 5 1/2 months since my son left I am still in the very early stages of healing and so many days are still extremely hard. Alliance of Hope is there for me at anytime of the day or night. It has truly been a life line for me. There is great comfort in having the support and guidance of those who truly understand. Bubbie

Losing a loved one to suicide is the hardest thing you will ever experience, I know, I lost my beloved 24 year old son last November to this tragedy. When this first happened I was desperate, how does one deal with the immense pain and guilt , the shame , and sorrow? I found help in the Alliance of Hope forum. They are a group of loving and compassionate people who get my pain . By reading and posting , I have a semblance of healing take place. I feel so supported , and comforted. I know my son was ill , he didn't do this to hurt me, and nothing I did or didn't do caused this. If you find yourself on this road of loss , I would highly recommend giving this online forum a chance . With them, you are not alone. They will walk this road with you.

I'm just feeling immensely thankful for and IN AWE of this whole forum...the holy outpouring of pure love and wisdom and understanding....

On this site we can connect with other survivors at any time of day or night. This has been invaluable to me as a way to connect on a regular basis with other survivors and to tap into the much needed understanding and support during my own moments of hopelessness.

I'm feeling blessed and touched that I can witness this richness...

I have been a part of support groups for other issues and found that connection with those who truly understand is the path toward healing. The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors Forum offers compassion and insights and makes me feel not alone when the rest of the world has gone on around me.

My husband, a tremendous support and individual, summed my experience with this forum using Eric Clapton lyrics: Who alone will comfort you? Only the brokenhearted. (From his album Pilgrim, written after his son passed)

Thank you for helping to create this sacred space.

We found the Alliance of Hope website recently following the unexpected suicide of a young, beautiful and loving member of our family. It's impossible to explain the devastating impact a death by suicide has on a family, but it's true to say that it is devastating and catastrophic. There is a very great need at such a time, and in the months and years that follow, to seek guidance and support, especially from people who very sadly understand exactly what you are experiencing. They show you how to move forward when you think you may not be able to. The Alliance of Hope website offers a lifeline and the work it does is extremely important. A huge thank you to all those volunteers and other survivors of suicide for the work that they do in making a lonely and desperate experience less so. I and my family have found strength in the warmth and kindness of others. The work you are doing is phenomenal. Thank you.

Not worth bothering with, staff are all fake, they are disrespectful to some members

I lost my only son to suicide Jan 17th 2013, almost 2 yrs ago now, its been a long lonely road, I am still on antidepressent's which has helped. My friend's have been very supportive too, but don't really understand, so I have joined a support group for this kind of loss, it take's me an hour to get there, once a month, I don't feel quite so isolated being there. I kiss his photo & talk to him every day, I find that help's

My son ran in front of a train, I still can't bring myself to travel on one . i still get nightmare's, but put that down to stopping my anti depressants.

I can't say I look forward to xmas anymore, he alway's helped me decorate the tree, I can't do this now. I wonder how other people cope ? A lovely long term friend has invited me to her house this Christmas. I don't have any family apart from my brother who lives 4 hrs drive away, though we do ring each other every week.

This is a partically hard time of year for all of us without our loved one's.

I lost my sister September 14, 2014 to suicide. She poured gas in her van and got in and lit it on fire.She was the one that took care of everyone else. A year before we spent the last 4 months daily of my other sisters life together until she took her last breath. We formed a special bond. I called her sister mom because she was such a caregiver.She had it together and a classy lady is what we all thought. The day I got the phone call I was in total disbelief. Not Nancy,imposible..wrong person. Was like getting hit with a shot gun . I didn't know how to react. I threw chairs and took 3 people to hold me down .I was so angry ,confused, my body didn't know how to react. I passed out. My husband and son got hold of my pastor and she sat with me for hours and just let me talk crazy. I wake up crying out of my sleep almost everynight. I counsel with my pastor which thinks im like a rock and doing great. But I feel at times like im dying inside. I don't know how to do this. I have days when I just go with the moment and other days I feel like I took 10 steps backwards. I sometimes forget she isn't here. She made everything look so normal .She spent the night at my house the week end before and we planned a sister trip with my other sister. She seemed so excited about it. I look back and things now make sense. Why didn't I see it then I ask? But then why would I suspect when she seemed so normal . She did a lot of visiting the month prior to doing this. She was married and had her daughter and 4 grandchildren living with her.She also had a son and two other grandchildren. She so seemed to love life. Will I ever understand this horrible tradgedy? I love and miss her so much .Im just trying to process this. I spoke at her funeral and never shed a tear for the Lord helped me.It was a celebration of her life. I wrote remember me with a smile..oh her laughter was so contagious and her smile lit up the room...please help I don't know how to do this one and I have lost a lot of loved ones.

Suicide. One of the hardest words to say and understand. No one wants to ever think that this could happen to you. Ever. But it does. Suicide doesn't discriminate. But if you are on this site, you are grieving over the loss of someone you loved. I've been there. I know exactly what is going through your head. Its the most gut wrenching, heart breaking pain to endure. You feel as if the world around you is caving in and you think you yourself will be unable to survive. But you will. I promise!! Its not easy by any means, but let me tell, without this community of strong compassionate people, I wouldn't be here right now telling you that you can and you will make it through this. Its a long tough journey of tears and pain and a whole slew of other feelings that you didn't even know you had or could possibly feel. But again, you will make it through this. You are stronger than you think. All of us are. There are soooo many wonderful people on this site. People to listen. No judgement. People to help you take those very tiny baby steps to feel alive again. Every hour, every day if you need it for as long as you need it. There is no pressure. No harsh words. Only love and support here. And I promise you will get it.
I lost my fiance to suicide. I couldn't save him. He died in my arms. And at that very moment, I'm pretty sure I died too. I was a wreck. For weeks I searched for answers. I couldn't find them. I felt alone and the emotional rollercoaster of pain enveloped me daily. The help we have where I live was miniscule. There wasn't anyone I could call at 2am when I was crying so hard I thought I would just collapse. My friends were there but not in the way I needed them to be. I heard alot of " I know how you feel" crap when I know for fact, they had no idea. I heard alot of "time to move on Michelle and get over it". I heard alot of "hes in a better place now" or "he was a selfish *******". I heard other words that were not very nice. It was a constant struggle. My family was there but again, they didn't know how to help me. I went to counseling but that didn't help either. At least not for me. It made it worse. I literally scoured the internet for more help, More people like me that would understand what I was feeling and going through. Then I found this site. And since then, I was able to take those baby steps in the right direction.
Read the stories. You will cry, smile, laugh, scream, and cry some more. But the people here will help you heal. I promise. You will feel joy and happiness once again but still keep your loved ones in your heart for all time. Remember, they never really leave you. They are always watching over you no matter what your beliefs are. My fiance's name was Scott.
So welcome. There are many people here to help you on your journey. Including me. My door is always open to listen or to help out any way I can. There are forums, posts, stories, videos, other links, etc. Always remember though........that no matter how hard it gets, you will persevere. You are strong, and you are a survivor. You are strong and more so now that you were before. And together as a community, we are even stronger yet. God bless you all.

I lost my husband just over 3 years ago. I found the alliance of hope about a week or so following my loss. Loss to suicide is devastating. I didn't know where to turn. I couldn't find a support group in my area and desperately needed to talk with those that could relate.
Having a support group that are available 24/7 was exactly what I needed. I can come here day or night and know that someone is listening and reaching out.
I was helped and comforted by so many people. They gave me the strength to keep on keeping on. Pulled me up when I could barely stand.
I now serve as a volunteer on the forum in the hopes I can give back a little of what I have, and continue to receive. Thanks to the Alliance I have learned we CAN and DO go beyond just surviving:)

After the loss of husband to suicide I was frantically trying to find more information and support on the internet, it was then when I came across the Alliance of Hope and I'm so glad I did. It helps to share the excruciating pain and confusion with other survivors who have been through this before. It is a truly healing place, especially for those who may not have many support systems nearby or are not ready yet to access them.

I found the forum a few weeks after the death of my partner. Words can not express the pain and sorrow that I felt. To read about others losses and what they felt was a great comfort in the sense that I was feeling similar emotions. A survivor can feel many things and sometimes all at once. Guilt seems to be an emotion common to most and one of the most difficult. Through the forum, I understood that it was a part of the journey, not particular to me. This freed me to let go of it and open the path to healing. Another important aspect of the forum is reading how others heal. The Alliance has a healing compassionate space where we all truly can understand the depths of each others pain and encourage each other to heal. I have been coming to the forum for three years and engage weekly on the forum. I volunteer my time because of how much other volunteers helped me through the very difficult beginning days and weeks. Only survivors really know and understand the many issues associated with losing someone they love by suicide.

I lost my son to suicide about 5 months ago. I found out about the Alliance of Hope after attending a workshop help by the founder, Ronnie Walker. While I'm also seeing a therapist, this forum, the connections, the information has helped me more than anything else. It's a safe, loving place for those of us grieving such a complicated loss. We all wish there would be no need for such a thing but it's become an invaluable part of my day-to-day life.

I lost my sister to suicide June 23 2014 I was needing to be able to grieve without feeling judged by my family and have found that her the forum has been very helpful.This forum needs to be funded to keep helping more people.There are new people on here everyday looking to talk.People know what I'm going through.

I lost my wife to suicide 12 weeks ago. I can honestly say I probably wouldn't be here writing this review if this website and forum was not here. God bless the people who keep this going- it is a tremendous help to people who need it.

I came upon this forum 7 weeks after losing my son to suicide. Here I found others who not only cared about what I was experiencing, but understood.

At this point, it's been almost 4 years since losing my son. I continue to visit the forum nearly everyday. The forum community has stood by me and supported me while I walked my healing journey, welcoming joy and purpose into my life again.

Life is once again very good for me, and I credit this forum, the powerful community that participates with that healing.

Namaste,
Sandy

This is an organization of compassionate people who have all lost loved ones to suicide. The support I received there after losing my husband was the most valuable part of my healing journey. I continue to volunteer my time because so many people have said that the Alliance of Hope forum is their "lifeline" during the most difficult time of their life. Three years after my loss, and I still receive encouragement to continue healing as well.

not what I expected, a waste of time. took too long for responses then everyone says the same things like they are programed to only say certain things

I lost my partner to suicide on Dec 14, 2012. I live in South Africa and THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I could find to turn to. I thank the UNIVERSE every single day for this forum. The people here are LOVING. I had friends etc but it was here that I found and find my solace and a place where everybody UNDERSTANDS AND EMPATHISES.

I am crying as I write this because this Forum truly saved me from suicide. Even today 21 months later, I still go there almost everyday. Sometimes I share and sometimes I just be there BUT EVERYTIME I LEARN AND HEAL AND GROW.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. TO THE FOUNDERS AND FORUM MEMBERS AND EVERY ONE OF US THERE... YOU PROVE THAT ANGELS DO EXIST.

When my sister committed suicide in April 2004, I had a minimal support group and have been encouraged not to mention her or her death, scolded when caught crying, or even when my eyes were red from an earlier cry. By the two month mark, I was at the pinnacle of grief and having self-destructive thoughts. With only my computer to talk to, I found this site and introduced myself. Within minutes, I was being greeted by one, and shortly after, several members. It felt like I was lost in a storm and wandered into a strangers house, finding beautiful strangers all with towels in hand helping to dry me off and make me warm. They rinsed me with the weight of their own tears and wrapped me in a gown of warm compassion. They let me in, and they let me stay. I am no longer in danger from self-destructive thoughts. I am now able to put aside my grief for a moment when I see the next stranger come in from the rain, towel them off, rinse them with my tears, and embrace them in a warm, compassionate garment.This is the most amazing group. We go there to grieve, and we grieve together, but then we go there to heal,, and we heal together. It has helped so much not to be alone. It has helped so much that I am not the only one who has had to suffer this kind of loss, the kind of loss that makes you want to lay down and die. I am forever thankful that I found this place where I can be truthful, open, and candid about the kind of loss that people don't like to talk about. In this house, we all know the language of suicide loss, and we are not alone, and we are not lost, we are not stigmatized, we are not rushed. Here, we are saved.

I lost my son to suicide 14 years ago. I lost again 5 years ago my remaining son to accident. I felt as though I was alone in all my thoughts. I felt so lost and broken beyond repair. I could not talk about all the things I thought about, I didn't know what to say. I hid away in my room on mother's day reading an old treasured card over and over and over again. I had no idea what I would find when I typed the word suicide into the search engine. This forum has saved my life. This forum has given me my life. I have found hope.

The Alliance of Hope has been a life saver to many that have tragically been brought together from a loved one committing suicide. I doubt any of our paths would have crossed if not for this horrible life changing event. We have been given a safe place to air our emotions, thoughts, and experiences thanks to the unselfish, kindness of Ronnie Walker. We learn, and pull energy, from each other to make it through another day. Funny, "another day" sometimes that's all we have to look forward to is making through this day, to see "another day". I don't think most people understand how fragile a suicide survivor is, and they need to be educated on this so that they can give the appropriate and loving support that we so need. The Alliance if Hope has a collection of very knowledgeable , compassionate, caring people who have been there as a guiding light, to many, through this dark, ugly storm we are traveling through. I have heard some say they would never have made it without this forum, that's a pretty awesome compliment. I hope no one ever loses a loved one to suicide, but if they do I hope this forum will still be around to facilitate theirs needs as I has ours.

It's so easy when facing the aftershocks of a suicide to believe that no one can relate or know what you are going through. It's easy to fall into being a victim or to decide not to continue to be actively engaged in life. Alliance of Hope provided camaraderie and support in a club to which no one chooses to belong. The website provided other stories of hope, encouragement from people who knew exactly what I was going through and solace 24 hours a day. When sleep would escape me Alliance of Hope was my friend when others couldn't be available or I felt no one could relate. Now that I am two years from the loss of my husband, I can go back and provide that same support to others. Alliance of Hope was key in my recovery from this tragedy and helped me to embrace life once again.

When my twin brother committed suicide, I was faced with one of the most difficult challenges of my life. The emotional reprecussions of the act resonated through my life and the lives of my family and threatened to shake us apart. No one can understand the confusion, pain, anger, grief, fear and hopelessness that an event like this causes unless they have experienced it. Alliance of hope is professionally moderated by a team that is truly exceptional. They keep the site honest, open and most of all, helpful. I hate to think how I would have coped without this group. Their work is a blessing and a neccessity. I recommend the site for anyone that has had to cope with this tragedy.

my story is double tragedy, I lost my son to suicide five years ago and he was twenty one. three years later my twenty six year old daughter killed herself. I cant believe this has happened still to this day/ The forum is a great release of my feelings knowing people like me have that go through this everyday. It is a lifetime journey of rollercoaster emotions and hardest is missing them and feeling helpless. This forum knows and understands it helps, Out in the world no one understands they try if they care about you. I personally am glad they dont but us survivors we know all to bad how it is.

The Alliance of Hope is truly that....a place where people come together to find hope after the loss of a loved one to suicide. I have been on the site everyday since I found the AOH. I received counseling from the founder, Ronnie Walker. Ronnie helped me understand the tools I would need to survive the trauma and heal. She and the moderators on the site understand the complicated traumatic nature of the grief and are suicide survivors themselves. It is a community of understanding and compassion... an amazing non-profit organization, deserving of the highest rating.

Losing my husband to suicide has been devastating and traumatic causing so much pain, suffering and fallout. Healing, surviving, thriving seem impossible in the first days and months. But the grieving will ease and healing is possible. The alliance of Hope is a safe place where we survivors can tell our story. We need someone to listen, to be present with us and to offer support. Sadly, these vital needs are not always met by who you expect. But other survivors understand like no one else can. Although, I was three years out when I found the AOH I discovered and continue to discover facets of my healing journey. I have been comforted by acceptance and assurance that healing takes as long as it takes. When I joined the AOH I had a veiled vision for my healing self as someone who might help others. Interacting with other survivors experiencing similar feelings and challenges has enriched by life and strengthened my vision. I feel braver because someone on the AOH will "get me" and respond with warmth and sincerity. Everyday that I visit the AOH I can read a post or a blog that gives me insight, hope or a sense of belonging.

It is healing when someone else expresses gratitude for something I have written. Knowing that I have shared even a tiny bit of comfort is comforting to me too. Lifting others up. Listening to their story. Being present for another survivor is meaningful. Sharing a bit of humor or something ordinary also contributes to a sense of belonging. Being cared about.

I have to say a word about the Moderators. They are trained, gifted - each in their own way. And "they know" because they are themselves surviving.

I am grateful for the AOH. I think it is a world changing organization.

Alliance of Hope has helped me understand what is suicide and that I am not alone dealing with the lose. They are very welcoming, compassionate without any judgements. In the early days since the death of my daughter I felt all alone in this world. I felt no one understood what I was going through, but alliance of hope moderators and members were there to share with me their experiences and they were forgiving. This website was a godsend. I hope they would be able to continue helping others who are experiencing what I aam experiencing. Great job and mahalo from the bottom of my heart.

The Alliance of Hope is so aptly named because that is exactly what it is. It is a group of people who share a common bond through the worst personal tragedy anyone can imagine. We share our stories and offer hope to each other. As a new survivor and a new member, it is a place to draw strength and hope and encouragement. By reading the stories of the survivors who have traveled further along and are making progress and actually healing, it helps the new survivor to believe that their is truly hope for them also. I am almost one year into my journey and I still struggle every day but I know that I am healing becuase I remember how awful I felt in the beginning. I remember reading the stories of those who have been able to move on with their lives and I never believed it would happen to me but I kept returning and I hoping and I now believe that I will heal one day. Although I still have a long way to go, I know that I have already come a long way because I read the stories of the new members and I can see the progress that I've made along the way. I have also made some special friends through the forum who I keep in touch with frequently. There's nothing more healing than having people in your life who know EXACTLY how you feel. It's so rewarding and tragic at the same time. I often feel sad that there are so many of us out there but I am glad that we are not alone. I am glad that we have been able to find each other through this amazing forum. I am thankful to all who run this group and also all who visit and share their stories. I would recommend this forum to anyone who was in this situation. I just pray I never need to. Thank you.

Alliance of Hope is an unbelievable organization that has helped me go from feeling lonely and wondering how I will ever survive to opening my heart to the possibility of thriving after losing a loved one to suicide. I felt so alone, as I had never talked to anyone who had found someone after they've taken their life, but I found an understanding, supportive community through the Alliance of Hope. I am forever grateful! Without this organization I truly don't know where I'd be.

This forum has been very helpful. No one understands what we go through as survivors. Iy is nice to log on and find others going through the same circumstances. Very helpful when your all alone and late at night.

My big brother was either murdered or shot by his own hand?. We will never know which. All I do
know is he was killed suddenly and tragically on July 13th 2013. The coroner ruled it a suicide. there is a lot of mystery and confusion and unanswered questions surrounding his death and all I know is my
life is divided into two parts: before and after he died. When he died I knew nothing would ever be ok again. I had to adjust to a new ok and most people don't understand how difficult it is to accept the
unacceptable. This site is always here and helps. It helps to write and know someone understands. It
helps to hopefully be there for others. There is no way to describe the pain of losing someone like
this. Alliance of Hope really helped me and still does especially at 3am when there is nobody to call. My brother was always there for me. He always understood. We have to fight suicide. I don't know of
anything more shattering.

in 2011, I found my fiancé in the bathroom of his home, deceased via self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. In a matter of minutes, life as I knew it changed. You see he was a police officer and had recently taken the antismoking drug, Chantix to help him kick the smoking habit. Dealing with his death, the red tape of police and drama by his department, left me drained everyday. I found this site and I will attribute my sanity today because of the healing words and nurturing environment Alliance of Hope offers its readers. Not only did I spent countless hours on line, reading and posting, but also venting and not feeling alone during my most bleak time of my life. I owe this site a tremendous THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO. I work for a non-profit agency that deals with children and at times, suicidal children. I tell my parents about this site anytime they require assistance with dealing with suicide. Again, thank you , and God bless all of you on this site, who post and tell very private and touching stories to help others heal. I was helped beyond words.

I am a Suicide Widow. Those words will never ever lose their gravity or shock value. BUT, because of the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors forum, I know I'm not alone. Even though I have huge support from friends and family, there are times when there is noone who will understand except those who have gone through and are going through the same thing.

I had not experience a close bereavement before and we in the Western world are so utterly unprepared for it. This type of death is even harder to deal with because of the stigma, people expect you to be able to tell them why. Why did he do it?

In the forum you are helped to understand, accept and come to terms with the fact that, it was because he was desperately sick.

I could not have come through this in any sort of positive state without this forum. It's expertly moderated and I feel safe and understood.

I came home on January 3rd, 2014 to find my husband of almost 24 years had hung himself. The shock of what I saw was beyond mind numbing, no one should ever see a loved one like that. We had just moved to this area and did not know a lot of people as I had just taken a new position. It was a cold windy night and I was alone in my apartment with the sounds as I explored the shock, the guilt and the despair. As I sat there I grabbed my computer and searched and found the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors at about 3:30 in the morning. To this day I can go back to my words I wrote and realized how lost I was. I read posts and realized I was not alone that this happens and someone out there understands. The site educated me as I went through so many feelings, actually I still am but then I suffered real anger, the response the moderator gave me made me look at it differently and see how confused my husband was with his demons. While I am so new still with grief and have good days with bad days it was through this site I located a grief counseling group for suicide survivors and meeting others that know how you feel has been so helpful just like posting to comments and hoping I can help someone else. The pain is truly unbelievable and is the very hardest way to lose a loved one. This site is so important to me even now. It is so sad that those of us who are survivors have so few places to turn so we must keep this site alive and well as it is vital for me and unfortunately for those survivors yet to come.

I lost my 19 year old son to suicide Xmas night 2013. I found the Alliance of Hope for Survivors forum a few weeks after. 3 months later I refer to this forum daily. It has helped me survive. Through the wisdom of the moderators and participants I have learned how to understand grief, how to look after myself during the journey.
I have connections right across the globe through this forum who are holding my hand and helping me through the dark times, through the sleepless nights, through the pain.
In short this forum has helped me survive the loss of my son, it has helped me remain sane. Regardless of nationality, experience, status or creed this forum unconditionally welcomes and accepts us. We are listened to, heard and responded to, we are assisted and cared for. I have much to thank this forum for, first and foremost for being here.
Mary Chudleigh (Ray'smum).

I wish there wasn't a need for a forum like This to exist. Unfortunately, there is such a need. And it is a huge need, with many more members joining each day. I am beyond grateful for this online community. From the moderators to the other posters, everyone is great. Very respectful, friendly, and helpful. A big thank you to the staff and the community as a whole from this mother whose world was torn apart by the suicide of her only daughter.

This forum was like a beacon of light in my dark world since the death of my son last August 2013. I clung to the wonderful people on this site and consider them to be life-savers to the lost, broken folks who find their way to this site. The moderators quickly respond and embrace all participants, greeting them warmly and assuring them that they are always there to help. Participants feel comfortable and confident in sharing their innermost fears, knowing there is no judgement here. It is the best feelings. Since the I joined the forum, I have been able to respond and offer words of encouragement to others who have experienced the horrific experience of losing a loved one to suicide. I have found it very healing to participate and provide support and encouragement to others. I have looked at multiple websites but I always come back to this one. It feels like one big hug each time I sign in and read and respond to others who are hurting and need to know someone cares. I cannot thank this site enough for giving me peace and restoring my faith in humanity. The people who come to this site are simply amazing and they continue to support me and always make me feel that I just may be able to survive this extremely painful event in my life. I am forever grateful.

I found the alliance of hope thourough a friend, after my son just 8 weeks today took his own life. I found the forum to be of great help. Knowing there are others who have similar experience is of the greatest help

I lost my husband this year without any warning. He did not have any physical illness or mental illness. Everything was normal. I came home from work and found him. I tried so hard to save him, but after 3 days of sleepless false hopes...he was gone. My son found thenote the next day saying his life had been good and this was rational because he said the next part of his life might bring disabling illness. He walked 3 miles a day and drove into new Y ork at night. My daughter lost her job, her apartment and had 2 breakdowns.This forum was the only thing that saved me.3therapists did not help me as much as this did.This was my safe place. I could cry and they understood, ask questions that obligation in order

My boyfriend took his life November 3, 2013. I was alone that first night, unable to sleep, when I came across the Alliance for Hope website. I began posting that night. This is such a tragic and traumatic experience. The support that I receive and the connection to other survivors and moderators has been a lifeline for me.

I found this forum less than a month after the suicide of my child. Until that point, I felt so lost, as if no one understood what I was (and still am) going through. Through sharing with others I have learned that I'm not alone, I'm not lost...I am just on a journey to get through to the other side of this horrible tragedy. In this place, my child is not stigmatized, we are not judged, we are simply helped along the way to our new life without our loved one.

I found this website about two months after I lost my husband to suicide. It has been invaluable to me. The moderators of the forum are amazing and it seems like someone always responds to posts, which is so helpful. This forum has shown me that I am not alone and I turn to it at various times throughout the week to get me through. Thank you.

I was lost and reeling from the death of my 27 year old brother this past summer. I was desperately searching for help, community, and someone to pull me up from where I was. I didn't find one person, I found this forum full of love, support, understanding and compassion. On my worst days the site saves me, and on my best helps me help others. I honestly don't know where I'd be without this amazing place and space full of so much love, grief, strength and unconditional support. It can be so hard for people to discuss suicide, and support for survivors is invaluable to our ability to recover.

I found this forum a few weeks after my beloved son took his life. I can honestly say that this is the only place where I have met people who truly understand the devastating catastrophe of losing a loved one to suicide. Participating in this forum. and the contact with the caring and understanding members, has truly kept me going through the aftermath of this devastating tragedy.

I found this forum 5 weeks after my son ended his life on July 27 and it is the best support system anyone could hope for. It is truly a lifeline for me as I navigate this unwanted journey, and people on the forum are like guideposts who light the way and offer me hope that I will survive this pain. I don't know what I would do without it: it's ALWAYS there for me, even during the very darkest times, and I am very appreciative for that.

My only regret is that I did not find this forum sooner. I was attending a local support group for about a year and half after I lost my husband to suicide, but never even thought to look for a group online. I found comraderie from the first sentence I read! VERY supportive members and moderators. Provides a safe place to be heard.

I found this forum a couple months after my boyfriend took his life. I was searching for someone who would understand what I was feeling. The members of this forum understood and spoke my feelings exactly. Without it, I don't know where I would be right now. It's usually the first thing I read in the morning and the last thing I read before I go to sleep. I find tremendous comfort in knowing I'm not alone in these feelings of shock, sadness, and utter despair. I don't think someone who has not experienced this type of loss can truly understand how a suicide survivor's life is totally impacted and changed. In the Alliance of Hope forum, everyone understands. I read others' posts and immediately identify with their stories, their struggles, the feelings of guilt and overwhelming grief that comes along with losing someone to suicide. I am so thankful this forum exists. If I hadn't found it, I'm sure I would have convinced myself I was going crazy. Instead there is a community gathered here in these message boards that allows us to navigate together this unimaginable trauma that has entered our lives.

I lost my 23 year old daughter to suicide 4-11-13 and I have found tremendous support at this site and all the while you can remain anonymous if you like. It's good to find others who are going through the same thing so you won't feel alone or that you are losing your mind due to how you feel. I think it's a great site and very helpful.

Already deeply depressed, imagine the insult when I can't even log in after registering and attempting to follow directions of what to do when your user name or password fails. Just forget it. I've made it this long without anyone's support!

After my husband's suicide in January 2013, I struggled greatly with all the impacts his choice had. The Alliance of Hope was a fantastic find, and has been a huge source of guidance and wisdom in dealing with the unique challenges that come with dealing with this specific cause of death. Time and again the Alliance had the answers I most needed when I most needed them.

It is difficult to express the relief and comfort the forum provides. To know I am not alone and others have walked this path - and made it through whole - is very powerful and sustaining. So much that can only be shared in forum, as even our support networks (family, friends) cannot understand. Many things that I won't share with my family so as to spare them any additional pain is up for discussion. Each issue (good or bad) is met with support and understanding. I have benefited greatly from the lessons others have learned and are willing to share to ease my healing.

My 30 year old son took his own life in February this year, 2013. It was sudden and unexpected, with no specific reason. We were all absolutely devastated. As his Mother I felt in utter turmoil with no one to talk to who understood. I found the Alliance of Hope forum while looking on the internet desperately seeking some kind of comfort. I had never been on a forum before so did not know what to expect. it is so hard to describe how the forum has helped. It exceeds all expectations. I am sure I am healing better because of it. I honestly feel as if I have met sincere genuine friends, who understand the complex emotions, the torment, the shock and the intense pain we feel. All aspects of our lives are affected. The moderators are exceptional and have listened and replied to my mixed up thoughts. I am not judged, I am heard. We are all suffering this intense grief in different ways and to be able to express our feelings whenever we want and have replies from people who care is wonderfully healing. The forum is a haven of understanding, hope and love and I thank them from the bottom of my heart.

My husband killed himself in May this year after facing a personal crisis Despite knowing he was suffering from depression I was completely and utterly side blinded by his decision to die. He left me in a living nightmare, struggling to cope with my new reality, while at the same time attempting to keep the lives of my two children as normal as possible. While I had support around me no one "understood" what I was dealing with, how I was feeling. I started to think I was going crazy, that his death would kill me. My sister pointed me to the alliance of hope and it has been a lifeline. Knowing that other people are going through the same rollercoaster of emotions is reassuring, and realising that people not only survive this hell but go on to be happy again is incredibly hopeful. They have been absolutely invaluable to me during this time. Today is another bad day, and I have again turned to the site to share how I'm feeling to understand if other people are facing the same battles. I know I will get support and guidance - and that I will continue to do so in the months, and possibly years to come.

This site was very helpful to me after becoming a suicide survivor. It has brought me comfort in times when very few other things could. The people here have helped me understand my feelings, validated both how I feel and how there is a future when I could not see a future. It has been a lifeline. A place to go where people have been in your shoes and people understand your pain.

I came to this site after my husband ended his life. I did not know where to go for help as there are no support groups in my area and I desperately needed help. The site put me in touch with others in my situation, it turned out to be a real life line and led me to a path of forgiveness through greater understanding of what brings someone to take their own life. To be able to forgive my husband has been very healing for me and to understand that it was not a free choice he made has brought comfort in the darkest of times.
This site challenges myths about suicide and provides essential information and connections to others. I do not know what I would have done without it.

My dear Brother ended his life - I had no idea he was in such a desperate state. I struggled for months trying to come to terms with his decision - I was not coping.
Finding the Alliance of Hope was my saving grace - my rock, my anchor. The one place I could come and express myself without judgement and be heard. A place where I felt safe and understood.
It didn't take long to realise I was not alone and that gave me great comfort and determination to heal. Not one suicide is the same, not one story is the same.
What we do share has been brought about by something so tragic, it's too difficult to put into words. We share a common path. It is in walking that path together - that I have moved foward and am starting to heal. I have a long way to go, but I have also come a long way.

I lost my beautiful husband in June and a few days after this life changing event I found this forum. Through this forum I was able to reach out to people who understood what I was/am going through. Its filled with very loving and understanding people.

This forum has been a blessing for me in the darkest time of my life. Sometimes you just have to talk to people who have been through a similar situation and this place is full of kind, warm and understanding folk who always have time to help a newcomer.

It's a good site. I have a friend who committed suicide about 2 months ago, and it's helped to go on there and talk to other survivors.

On May 27th of 2013 my roommate, best friend and the Love of my life took her own life. I was utterly and completely devastated. The days that followed seemed to get worse instead of better. Life was looking darker and darker as each hour passed. I thought there was no end in sight and no hope at all left for me.

That following Saturday, I found The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors. Hesitant, I browsed through the postings. I saw pain. I saw sorrow and grief beyond what a normal human being should be expected to bear. There were many other poor souls who had gone through a similar experience to mine. I became intrigued by their stories and decided to join. I am so glad I did.

At the advice of others on the site I did join a counseling group in my local area. They were somewhat helpful but limited in the times they were available. This is not the case with The Forum. There have been many times, depressed and sliding downhill, I have posted my feelings in the middle of the night. More often than not, I soon received a response. This was perhaps someone else feeling the same at the time but, nonetheless, a response. It was someone to talk to when nothing else was available to me. I cannot even begin to tell you how much that meant to me.

Since my time on The Forum, I have begun to heal. I have found hope in other’s words and offered some of my own healing techniques. I have gained so much from this resource. Looking back, I honestly do not believe I would be where I am today without this site. Today, I am a survivor.

I am so happy I found The Alliance as it truly is what it’s name states… an alliance of people who have suffered great loss and are seeking out assistance on their road to recovery. Warriors, so to speak. Warriors fighting a battle together as one that know we will win this war

Thank you Alliance of Hope… thank you for saving my life and bringing back my reason to move forward.

Woody

I lost my beautiful son Nicholas, July 12, 2013 to suicide. He was a beautiful outgoing man who I thought was happy with life. He had a beautiful wife and was expecting their first child. His wife told him they were expecting on Wednesday and Nicholas killed himself that Friday night by stabbing himself while he was in the shower. I will never forget being at work as an RN in an emergency room and that message being left on my voicemail. As a mother looking in from the outside, he showed no signs of depression or suicidal ideations. Nicholas had just taken me out for my birthday that Monday and his father had been down to see him the Saturday before his death. I cannot even begin to describe the anguish, dispair and shock. Nicholas left behind a sister who loved him dearly and the family is still trying to recover. Nicholas and Heather were nine months apart and were extremely close. My heart will never recover. If Nicholas could only have seen how much he was loved by the number of people that came to his funeral. If he had only leaned on those that loved him the most. My life has been changed forever and I try to stay strong to help his sister recover who is in therapy at this time. She has had so much tragedy in one year with loosing a baby in March, a brother in July and her dog of 12 years in August.

We hold on to our faith in God that he will help us recover from this huge loss in our lives. Nothing can ever replace the loss of my child in my heart but I believe God will help us recover in our sadness.

My 18 year old son passed by his own hand 8 months ago .. i found the Alliance of Hope recently and in them have found a place of support and compassion by other survivors that all to sadly, know the grief and loss of purpose that i feel, through the loss of a loved one to suicide..
i live in rural Australia and do not have access to specialist suicide counselling and support. In the Alliance of Hope i have found "a place of sacred connection". I am not alone anymore!!

I feel so lucky to find this website. I feel like people around me even my family didn't really know what I've been through. I found this website when I can't sleep the other night. I find that this website is really helpful for me. Please keep the good work.

It has been almost six months since my husband took his own life in our apartment. It took me a little less than a month to seek out the Alliance of Hope, and I truly don't know what I would have done without this organization. As soon as I posted on the forum, the moderators and other members were there for me in a way only other people who have experienced this kind of loss can be. I have connected with other members in a more personal way since, and I never would have met them without the forum provided by the Alliance of Hope.

This is an organization with a heart. I have never felt anything but the most loving and encouraging support from the members, moderators, and from Ronnie Walker, who founded the organization.

Its exactly 6 months since the love my life took her life in our home. I Found her, got her down and had to perform CPR. We then went through 4 days sitting beside her bedside in Intensive Care before the decision was made to remove life support. She passed shortly after.

Suicide is surrounded by Taboo and many people are reluctant to talk about it or recognize the complicated grief and stress it creates. 6 Months later I still have nightmares and dreams. The only place of comfort is in the presence of other survivors. All of a sudden the weight of silence is lifted and you can talk. it was a lonely 5 months before i found the site.

I found the Alliance of Hope by accident and find myself on there everyday. i have connected with several members and use the private message function to communicate with them. Its a place where you don't feel judged and you can express whats inside that you cannot anywhere else. The statistics show that a person who has lost someone to suicide is 400% more likely to consider suicide. However being able to talk openly in the alliance of hoopoe forum has been a god send.

I lost my beautiful dearly loved daughter to suicide April 2013. My life as I knew it stopped the moment the police officer told me. I felt as if my life was falling apart and I was desperate for help, some sort of support. I found that help 4 days after she died; it was on The Alliance of Hope forum. I can honestly say it was and continues to be my life line. Connecting with others who knew exactly what I was going through and who reached out to me when I so needed it and are still there, who always respond when i post. I have even found comfort in replying to others when they post. Many on this forum, although we have never met, I now feel close to.

My partner took his life 13 weeks ago today. It was the most shocking and traumatic experience I have ever had to deal with. In those first few weeks I felt so lost and confused and needed lots of information to help give me some sense of direction. I read books on suicide and grief, began counselling, and then stumbled across the Alliance of Hope website. It was a huge relief to find this community, and to realize I wasn’t alone in my grief. Deaths by suicide have a couple of extra “twists” that are not shared by deaths from illness or accident. For me those “twists” – guilt and a sense of failure - are added complications to my grieving and my ability to process my loved one’s tragic death. This website lets me explore those complicated feelings and thoughts, and well as all the normal emotions associated with the sudden death of my partner, in a safe and supportive environment. All the members here (and there are sadly so very many of us) have lost someone we love to suicide. It is anonymous, caring, supportive, understanding, compassionate and non-judgemental. They continue to provide the hope I need, as I learn to live with his loss, and slowly rebuild my shattered life.

not yet 7 months for me, this site has been a lifepreserver for me. engaging with others, ones who have been through the same thing has meant the difference between being a person left out in the world not feeling normal to feeling my feelings are really normal for the complicated grief i have gone through. for us left behind by such a horrific sad voluntary means to lose someone there are more than just grief but regrets and guilt. we are sad and angry and are able to express all of our moods a click away. also we have understanding moderators available . please help them keep up the good work as a healing place.

Its been 7 and a half months since love of my life died i am only 20 year old but i saw and experienced things which no one ever wish to...when i was walking all alone in the darkest path of my life this forum was the light which guided me and still guides me the way ahead to live to strive..Its been very painful to hear people accusing me , misunderstanding me i thought no one existed who understands me but joining this site helped me to find the most compassionate people , struggling hard to overcome the piercing pain which we have been put through. Its a great site where we can interact share and talk about the person we loved and everyone will read it with feeling...as said "you understand things clearly when you have experienced it" so for those who are walking on this unwanted path..this site helps miraculously...it gave me the reason to keep my loved one alive with in me.....

This board has been a huge help to me as I work through a life event that no one should have to experience. It brings clarity to a chaotic event and comfort to know that others feel the same way when their lives take the same unexpected turn. The board provides solace and hope for those who are suffering the worst of all losses.