My Nonprofit Reviews

In 1979(!) my ex began to face worsening depression. Over the course of the next four years he slowly recognized that his depression had sprung out of the fact that the homophobic world in which he grew up had pushed him to deny that he was gay ... and to feel extremely guilty about the occasional feelings of attraction toward men that cropped up. We separated because he needed to be honest about his identity and his relationships. He could not continue living a lie. Meaning, of course, that our marriage had been a lie. My sense of reality crumbled. I put up a good fight against devastation by plunging into all sorts of activities that affirmed life. I still could not break through the isolation that resulted from the fact that NO ONE really understood why or how our separation differed from any other divorce. I finally sank into profound depression. In the earliest years of the Straight Spouse Network, I talked with a member of this organization who simply "got it" and affirmed that there was a unique kind of betrayal that typically shatters (or at least undermines) parts of the Straight Spouse's world view. That conversation was a breakthrough on the path to healing. I quickly determined that I would do what I could to ensure that others might hear the words affirming that they are not alone ... and that the issues are not about THEM, or because of them, but stem from the very identity of their spouse. and I cannot count the number of people who have told me that they might not have made it without the support of the Straight Spouse Network

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