Straight Spouse Network Inc

I just found Straight Spouse Network all these years later, after raising my sons in trying circumstances, the expensive divorce from my trans x. My x was very domineering about her rights and engaged in alienation of affection of our children. The advocacy groups, while well-meaning, provided excuses for the indoctrination against me, while I was paying for everything and this Ivy-educated parent with six figure salary was enabled to lie and say she was unemployed, shirk child support and her part of the college tuitions. The stress of keeping it all together, working, dealing with angry teens, and so on, was often overwhelming. I am now retired and realized that I have been waiting for my sons to have children of their own, and thought they would finally realize what I did for them and stop the critical mode they constantly take towards me, influenced by the liberal neighborhood where it all happened in Brooklyn. When my younger son, who turns 30, told me he is in therapy and he now knows I cried all the time and made him feel guilty, I knew that this has gone on too long. He cried every day in Kindergarten, but somehow this turned into his mother was constantly crying. I had no idea SSN existed. I found it now. as I was in trauma over my son's rejection. I have now found my voice. I do not know if my grown sons will ever reconcile with me. They say they and their wives don't want children, so my grandma fantasy evaporated. I feel that I have the potential to save myself and help others through telling my story. My former spouse was an indoctrination machine. The discovery of the cross dressing was way back in 1992, when my children were 1 and 4. I did pull myself up by my bootstraps, very grateful to have worked hard and have my house and couple of acres to garden. And now, I have this help. Thank you.

After 23 years of marriage, my husband confided in me that he was gay and had known since he was 14 but needed a wife and kids in order to achieve his ambitious career goals. Moments later, thinking that this didn't make sense, couldn't be true and surely has never happened to anyone else, I typed "my husband is gay and I'm not" into the search engine and up popped "Straight Spouse Network". What a surprise and a relief, I was not alone, I was not crazy, and I had a new circle of support surrounding me. Straights understand straights in ways no one else can.
Straight Spouse Network is made up of people, whose paths have been similar to mine, who volunteer their time and kindness to others on similar journeys.
I began my straight journey in 2005 and became a regular donor in 2008. Recently I began to volunteer with this unique organization in effort to give back and help sustain the mission.

When I first contacted the Straight Spouse Network, I felt so alone and unsure that my situation fit their services. At the time, I did not know of any other married persons dealing with a spouse who did not appear to be heterosexual or was perhaps bi-sexual or gay. This organization welcomed me, assured me that I was in the right place and was not the only one who had experienced the doubt, emotional pain and isolation that comes from living in someone's else's closet. I was able to join an online support group right away and was also very quickly contacted (personally) by a local face-2-face group leader and invited to a meeting that helped me tremendously.

What I would like people to know, is SSN is a service-intensive organization. Their time, focus and mission is almost exclusively targeted at actually helping people--many times one-on-one. This level of commitment and support is rare and fueled by many dedicated volunteers. Donations to SSN help increase the organization's visibility and ability to connect with more straight spouses who might otherwise be suffering in silence.

I thought I was alone but sadly realized i had a many others who were silently suffering from the shame and humiliation of a relationship that fell apart because my spouse lied to me about his orientation. The pain and embarrassment that I felt was debilitating. I was depressed and suicidal.
Living in a small, religious rural town where homosexuality is frowned upon, it was impossible to discuss my feelings with anyone. I found the Straight Spouse Network and immediately connected with others who shared a simliar story. I no longer felt alone. I developed friends and coping skills that allowed me to wake up each day and face my changing life.
I am four years post discover and am now at a point where I no longer feel anger or shame. But the effects of the lies and the emotional impact still shape how I relate to people. The SSN gave me perspective and the other survivors encouraged me to see that it would get better. They were right. It got better, it hurts less and now I can participate and give encouragement to those who are in a similar situation.

The straight spouse network has been invaluable to me since I had to initiate divorce from my husband. The facilitators are responsive and knowledgable. The groups are great.

SSN helped me at one of the lowest points of my life. I did not think anyone would understand what I was going through. I was so lost that it didn't even occur to me to seek help. My (then) husband gave me the link to SSN. The people at this organization not only saved my life, they helped me to start living again. There was a time when I didn't want my future. Thanks to those at SSN, I am happy again, and I can't wait to see what the future will bring. The staff and volunteers were kind, compassionate, and honest. They helped me find the path that was best for me and my family.

I started out receiving help from SSN, but today I volunteer as a facilitator for a support group. I am so glad to be able to help this organization continue to help others in need.

They kept me going with internet communication and f2f meeting and individuals for the longest time. I keep a list open trying to be there for the newcomer. Thank you!

I found this organization back in 2000 a few months after my then husband came out of the closet, announcing to me after almost 20 years of marriage, that he was gay. The group of people here reached out to me and listened and let me know I was not alone and with the help of Amity Pierce Buxton's book, the Other Side of the Closet, I was able to move forward with my kids, in a healthy manner. I discovered there were/are Face to Face Groups that get together at various locations throughout the country. This has been a God-send. I am post-disclosure 14 years and at this juncture my now new Hubby and I are at the Volunteer point where we give back our time and we organize an annual weekend Str8 event that takes place in October.

I found and opened the link to Straight Spouse Network in the summer of 2012...after having been married to a closeted gay man for 20 years. I was just browsing for articles and support having to do with how other people survived and made it work in their own Mixed Orientation Marriages. A few months later, I discovered my marriage was full of infidelities I had no knowledge of (we had promised monogamy in year 10 of our marriage) and had been over for more than three years, only I hadn't known it. The support I got through Straight Spouse Network, including email and recommended reading, really helped guide me in the chaos of starting over as a single woman, a formerly Straight Spouse.

This organization helped me at one of the darkest times of my life. They literally saved my life, scraping up from the floor when I felt I could no longer go on. I have been a part of this organization since April 2008, and I am grateful every day for the volunteers who reach out for shell-shocked straight spouses and bring them into the fold. My only wish is that the organization did not have to exist, but I am on-so blessed that they do.

I am Executive Director of this wonderful organization that helps and supports anyone around the world who discovers their spouse/partner is LGBTQ. we are there for them along the pathway they never expected to be on.

I found Straight Spouse Network after discovering that my husband of 14 years was gay. This group is amazing for the support they provide. Time after time they have shown me that I am not alone and that others understand.

SSN saved my life! At the most crucial time in my life when I needed the most help, Amity Buxton was there. I reached out to her and she connected me immediately with people who walked my walk. She connected me with people who are now life long friends. I'm forever grateful for the love and passion SSN provided and, over the last ten years, I've been giving back.There are so many ways to help! Get connected. Straight Spouse Network http://www.straightspouse.org/

I volunteer as a support person in my local area. So many lives connected to our situation and very few resources that understand this side of the closet. While many of us support lgbt equality, the closeted community turns a blind eye toward us, as does the lgbt community at large who touts such a difficult path to their sexual freedom and give little if any to the lives and families that are imploded as a result of the "coming out" or "down low" situations we've collectively found ourselves in. SSN and those of us who encompass a wide variety of situations bound by one thread....loving or marrying a closeted lgbt person. It is in our commonality that we find support, resources and a shoulder to cry on or those who understand enough to laugh with us at the absurdity we've endured. The Straight Spouse Network embraces us, when those around us see us as broken people who just need to "get over it".

This is a Life Changing group even though I was already 2 years post divorce from a "Still in Denial Gay" ex husband after 22 years of marriage. The comfort and camaraderie I found in this group gave me the confidence and strength to face my " Still in closet" ex spouse on a daily basis while we co-parenting two teen-agers. I wish we have more publicity.

This group is very important and serves a particular need that is not served in any other capacity. This is a bonding, caring group of people that support each other in ways that help heal. I needed this group after I found out my husband of many years was hiding a secret and is gay. We had to divorce and this group was there for me. I don't know how else I would have made it through the situation. There's no book, therapist, friend or family member that can help in the same ways a network of people who have been through the same thing can.

Joined SSN when my life fell apart and to this day still rely on it everyday!
Wonderful support group and resources!

In February of 2010 my world was shattered when I discovered my husband of over 30 years had been living a double life. He originally claimed it to be a sex addiction. I could barely breathe, much less function. I demanded he contact the EAP group through work who referred us to a therapist. That therapist referred us to a wonderful group of counselors who handled sex addiction, but the truth of the matter was that although he was addicted to sex, it was with men and he was gay. It wasn't until my therapist referred me to the Straight Spouse Network (SSN) that I knew my prayers had been answered. I contacted them, explained my situation and received immediate support. This group literally saved my life. For the first time since that horrifying February day I knew I was no longer alone in my experience. There were actually others who understood my situation because they had also had their worlds torn apart after discovering their spouses were gay.

What most people don't understand is that this is not the same as finding out your husband has been cheating with another woman, or that your wife has been cheating with another man. Many of us had spouses that blamed the demise of the marriage on us all the while knowing that no matter what we did to fix things it would never work because we were the wrong sex. They essentially stole years of our lives from us taking away our ability to make decisions based on truth. We, being givers and fixers turned ourselves inside out trying to fix the unfixable. We are told to "Get Over It," usually shortly after finding out the truth, while many of our spouses have had years or even decades to manipulate us, convince us we are flawed, strip away our self-esteem, and sometimes even financially ruin us in pursuit of their gay lifestyles. While my gay spouse was congratulated for coming out of the closet and beginning to live his authentic gay life style I was pretty much shoved aside with little to no support until I found SSN. My immediate family was as supportive as they could be, but unless you have lived through it you can't even begin to fathom the destruction this type of situation causes.

It was such a blessing to know that I was not alone. That I wasn't broken. That I did everything I could to save my marriage, and that I wasn't a failure. It all boiled down to the fact that I just wasn't a man. The knowledge that others had been through similar experiences and lived through it to come out a stronger person is what helped me begin the road to recovery. The support I received from this support group had been a true Godsend and the reason I am the strong, independent person I am today. I thank God every day for the Straight Spouse Network and these wonderful people that have become my Familee.

Lots of great support provided thru small meetings w others going thru a similar experience. It's amazing to hear the variety of stories all of which have a common theme of a swerving of a marriage when one of the spouses awakens to being or tending gay. I'm very thankful for the support I've found w SSN.

I found the SSN online while I was researching for support of my bad situation in my marriage. I had discovered that after 36yrs of marriage and 3 years prior to marriage my husband is gay! Never had a clue. It's been a devastating blow to my life! Not knowing how to handle the whole situation both emotionally and physically. Through the SSN I have gained, knowledge and support. There are many of this kind of mind blowing marriages out there and if they only knew about SSN, perhaps more could get this support I've received. We are the collateral damage to a growing epidemic in the world. Gay people now have alot of open support and rights, but those of us left behind have none of the same. Just because we are considered "normal". Our lives and marriages have been turned upside down due to those gays who hide behind us, only later to turn on us. SSN needs to get it's message out there for the world to see!!!!

Straight Spouse Network was there for me when I needed it most. After going into a second marriage (stupidly) with a known bisexual, it didn't take long for the wheels to come off in our marriage. I had been "Schooled" to think that being this broken was okay...well, this group of people gave me the confidence to love ME for who I am...I loved the support that I got RIGHT out of the chute, and it keeps getting better for those who need it now. Straight Spouse Network saved my life, literally.

I was heartbroken, stressed, and just lost until I found the straight spouse network. Volunteers frequently check in on me and are always available when I need someone to talk to. I've spent thousands of dollars in copays to mental health professionals and I've made more progress from the free support it's members offer me. Nothing compares to someone who has been down a similar path. It is so easy to feel isolated and hopeless when dealing with such a traumatic upheaval of your life. This group's support is invaluable.

When my wife 'came out of the closet' and left for another woman, I honestly believed I was alone. I was lost, depressed to the point of suicide. When I found SSN, I found people who understood 'where I was', how I felt. They literally saved my life, and have been beside me thru my entire 'journey'. No other group or organization could have done for me what SSN has.

I felt completely alone when I discovered the Straight Spouse Network. Meeting other people who were going through the same experience, who really understood, was life changing. I had hope for healing and a better future, where before I had felt hopeless. I can't say enough positive things about this caring organization.

Straight Spouse Network helped me through a very difficult time in my life. They provided a service of putting me in touch with people who understood what I was going through. This type of support has no substitution. They do wonderful work in an area that not many understand.

After 28 years of marriage, my husband admitted that he was attracted to men. I'd heard it many years before - before we were dating even - but, when I'd asked him about it - he gave me an excuse I believed. Either way, to me, it meant an almost 30 year relationship had all been a lie. I found sanity and support with the Straight Spouse Network - and I learned I was NOT alone. The Straight Spouse Network gives support and healing to those of us who could be considered the collateral damage when the GLBT spouse finds his or herself.

The Straight Spouse Network is a saving grace. I found the organization after having filed for divorce from my gay-in-denial husband. I got a miraculous amount of support for what was the toughest decision I have made in my adult life. Now that I am on the other side of that dark place, I am committed to stay on for new straight spouses who need to see a shining light at the end of their tunnel. It does get better and the Straight Spouse Network provides the support we need to keep moving forward.

When I finally figured out everything that had, and hadn't, gone on in my marriage, I was totally shattered and overwhelmed. Finding an on-line resource where I could be anonymous was wonderful. I could see that I was not alone in this devastating and crazy journey that none of us had chosen. It was so comforting to know that others had faced the horror of finding out that all they thought was real was only a sham, and some of them had thrived. When I couldn't see one step in front of me, I needed to read, over and over again, that I could survive this journey because others had been there and were no longer completely devastated every day.

After 15 years of marriage my wife told me that she is gay. I was dumbfounded and lost and sad and angry. I have found and place where I can talk to people in similar situations. This organization has been a true lifesaver as I struggle to rebound from what I thought was forever

I was devasted when I realized my husband had been lying to me about his sexuality and his affairs in within my marriage. I then found out my father was also gay.

The Straight Spouse Network and Bonnie Kaye saved my sanity. I was really overwhelmed and felt homocidal. With their assistance I have been slowly healing.

Now we just need more therapists to help with the Post Traumatic Stress of this experience.

The straight spouse network has and is helping me through my journey as a straight spouse. This organization has saved my life as well as many others.

By far one if the best organizations around for people like me who needed an understanding ear!
A true life saving group of people!

When my husband told me he was gay I was devastated and ashamed; I thought I was the only one who had ever gone through such an experience. The Straight Spouse Network opened my eyes and let me see that I was not alone. It gave me a chance to meet with others in my area that had similar experiences and offered an internet support list that was available to me 24 hrs/day -- whenever I needed to cry, vent or just needed a boost. Thanks to them I put my despair behind me and moved forward with my new life. I have made life long friends and now proudly serve on the Board. My life has gone from black and white into full color again.

This organization was there for me when I was at the lowest point in my life. They understood what I was going through and put me in touch with others who shared my experiences. I truly believe they saved my life.

Six years ago my wife had an affair with a woman and announced that she thought our marriage was over. I was devastated. I felt completely alone and confused. Luckily I say a mention on-line of the straight spouse network. I was able to attend a face to face support group and connected with a network of people who understood exactly what i was going through. it is no exaggeration to say that SSN saved my life. Without this community I think the voices in my head urging me to kill myself might have won. SSN got me through the worst period of my life and held my hand while i put my life together in a new and better way.

Back in 1987, when my ex-husband came out and my marriage ended, I was devastated and humiliated. I didn't know another person in the same boat, and I had nowhere to turn for comfort. No one ever knew the depth of my despair. I helped my therapy clients all day, then came home every night and sobbed. Every night. Those were dark and lonely times.

A couple of years post-divorce, a friend told me about a book called "The Other Side of the Closet" by Amity Buxton. Amity is the Founder of the Straight Spouse Network, on whose Board I proudly serve.

Every year the Straight Spouse Network helps thousands of spouses whose partners come out. We don't have the financial heft, marketing savvy or paid staff of larger organizations, but our work is crucial. I know my journey would have been shorter and faster had I had the support of other folks who have "been there."

As a therapist who now specializes in working with other straight spouses, I refer clients to the Straight Spouse Network regularly for support and information. Discovering other straight spouses and knowing I wasn't alone was a godsend for me, and every day I see it serving the same purpose for others.

I found the Straight Spouse Network in early 2008, and through its meetings, online communications, and advocacy it has helped me immensely. And it has done so by having a reasonable stance on working with the gay partner, which is admirable. Like many in the situation, the transitions are difficult from being with the gay spouse unknowingly, to dealing with it, to recovering so one can move forward. SSN services help thousands of people at all stages, first by knowing they are not alone and then by ongoing support through the organization and the community of others in like circumstances. And it does all that with a very small budget. For those reasons, Straight Spouse Network is a GREAT nonprofit.

In August 2011 my wife told me our marriage was over after she went to a conference and met a woman there that she had a physical attraction to. Through the weeks and months following my world was turned upside down. Everything I had ever believed about my marriage and who I was in it vanished overnight. Friends, neighbors, relatives, and co-workers didn't understand what I was going through.

When I stumbled across the Straight Spouse Network, everything changed. Stories in my life that seemed unbelievable I saw happening in other people's lives. I was no longer alone in my confusion. Through this support network I met many people that held my hand until I was able to stand on my own again. Through the help and guidance of virtual strangers I started to put my life back together again.

They gave me hope and a promise that life would get better when it seemed over.

To suggest that the Straight Spouse Network is a "lifesaver" is not hyperbole. It is a fact. I am living proof. When my former husband of nearly 30 years told me he was gay, I prayed to die in my sleep. I planned ways to kill myself that would appear to be accidental so our children wouldn't blame their father. My life changed in so many ways as a result of my relationship with SSN.

The value of peer support cannot be quantified.
This experience, according to most mental health professionals, is eclipsed only by the death of a child for a parent and spouse. No one, other than those who have lived it/are living it, can fathom the emotional toll this takes on a person.

I have been involved with the group since 1998.
Having a gay spouse is not the end of the world, but I certainly felt that way for a very long time. SSN helped me move through a very difficult process. It is an extremely isolating situation. The fact that someone, some wonderful str8 person, is willing to be on the other side of a screen or the other end of a phone conversation is invaluable. Being able to cry and laugh about the circumstances that arise is so important.

For those who have not been through this, it seems quite easy to say "get over it". That is simply not possible, especially if there are children involved. These are my friends, my dearest friends, many of whom I have known for more than a decade and yet, have never met.

This organization has rescued so many men and women who find out that their spouses (sometimes after many years of marriage) are gay. My husband and I had been married for over 30 years and were actually planning our retirement. As our marriage and family life with 3 children had been a happy one, I was dumbfounded. In retrospect, there were signals but they had not been apparent.

When I learned of this organization and began to attend meetings regularly, this was a wonderful source of comfort and inspiration I learned that I was fortunate enough to have a husband who was eager to do what he could to help me in my new life after divorce. Many men and women are not as fortunate.

This is a very caring group of people anxious to do what they can to be helpful - especially the Board Members with whom I was privileged to serve for a term.

This network is a Godsend. It is helped me not drown in my life. I was so overwhelmed when my ex put me through this and I felt like I wanted to run away and never come back. BUT I WAS a MOTHER and I couldn't.

The network gave me a safe place to CRY, YELL, and get the support and NOT the judgement.

It was what saved my sanity.

Thank you!

Isabel

This incredible worldwide Network of peers has saved countless lives, including mine! I've been privileged to be able to play several roles. The one I seem to have played from the start (nine years ago) is Volunteer. And it started at my first "gathering" (groups of Str8s who just meet up to support each other for several days). I walked nervously into an ongoing Board Meeting, and the brilliant founder (who'd seen my writings in the confidential listserv) announced "Carolyn is going to get us Director's insurance." I was dumbfounded. But I did it. Two months later, I was visiting English relatives in London, and another Str8 whom I met only online n that same listserv, called me at the hotel and asked me to join her in representing the Network on the BBC! Since then, I've had the joy of being able to speak out in other fora. For the last four years or so, I've managed the "triage" process -- that is, helping people who write find the closest face to face peer support group or contact. It's absolutely unbelievably heartwarming to hear from these people afterward about how I helped change their lives! And I'm ONLY ONE of hundreds of volunteers doing this every single day of the year, helping thousand of people every year.

After 20+ years of marriage and 3 children my husband told me he was gay. It was totally unexpected and I didn't have a clue. I was sure I was the only one who had ever experienced such a situation. SSN volunteers assured me I was not alone and that I would get through this. Three and an half years later, I am happy to say they were right....but back in the dark days that followed disclosure I was paralized with fear, sadness and shame. Had it not been for the online resources and face to face meetings I don't think I would have found the bright future that was ahead of me. I will forever be thankful to this organization and its members for their support and encouragement.

When my wife came out after 30 years of marriage SSN and it's volunteer were there. Without them, I would not be writing ths to you. They didn't change my life, they saved it!

When my husband came out of the closet, this organization helped me enormously. I had no idea that other women and men had had this experience. I had been married for 30 years and had 3 children. In the Straight Spouse Network, I met many, many people who had had the same experience but in many cases, were far worse off than I. My husband had the courage to tell me the truth but many men and women hide their orientation and its their spouses who find out the truth very painfully. What the organization does is to refer the caller to the leader of a Face to Face group or to somebody else who lives in the same state or as near as possible so that the person has someone to talk to and in many cases, a group with which they can meet and talk.

This organization allowed my ex-husband to out me as gay which was very hurtful. I am NOT gay. I am bisexual. I left my ex-husband because he was abusive. Outting me as gay is a continuation of this abuse after the marriage has legally ended. I did attempt to contact this organization but have not received a reply.

I thank god every day for the Straight Spouse Support Network. During the most frightening and horrific days of my life I received the support and encouragement of others who had walked this difficult journey. I truly hope that one day there is no need for the Straight Spouse Support Network because all sexualities are accepted and embraced but until that day comes along, SSSN needs to be in existence. It is a lifeline to those of us who have discovered our spouse is gay and cried the tears that only other straight spouses can completely understand.

My story is similar to everyone on the SSN Facebook page- we all married the same person. The controlling narcisst who manipulates and controls and leads you to believe your loved- in every other way except the way a husband should love a wife.14 years of marriage this month- 17 years together - one child and less than 10 moments of sexual relations. The story is more indepth with twists and turns and one day once I am through this divorce - can save the roof over my head - I too will write a book - I need to be victorious in my journey 1st however so that my story can help others find success in their lives after dealing with such a bad deck of cards for so long. SSN has helped me tremendously and I believe will grow due to the epidemic our world is going through from this perspective.

When my wife came out as gay after 32 years of marriage I was completely devastated. I found the Straight Spouse Network and found out i wasn't alone. In these situations most of the attention, whether positive or negative, tends to be focused on the person who come out. The other side of the closet is usually ignored. That's why it was so important to find others who understood and could help me to take care of myself. This organization literally saved my life.

During the period of my life that was far and away the most shocking, devastating, confused and confusing, and excruciatingly painful, the Straight Spouse Network unquestionably saved my life. I had become disabled two years before my husband's stunning disclosure just weeks before our 30th wedding anniversary. He turned completely cold on me, blaming me for everything wrong with his life, telling me he'd never loved me, didn't know why he married me, always had to think of men when trying to have sex with me. In several months of lashing out, he destroyed my present and so much of my past. We'd known each other through both church and school since 6th grade, and our lives were deeply enmeshed in each others. But in a blast of epic proportion, he stripped all the meaning from those decades. Because of my illness, it too me five months, with him getting tenser and angrier all the time, to find a place to live and move out. Physically and emotionally crushed, I moved in with friends who let me be sick and crazy while they welcomed me into their family with love and caring. And it was in that time that I found the Straight Spouse Network. When I began to meet people who had been through -- and were still going through -- what I was, I cried with relief. So many caring people reached out and brought me into a circle where what I was experiencing was truly truly understood. Experiences were so similar that I no longer felt so crazy. I could talk about incredibly personal and sensitive issues safely. And I was constantly re-assured that I WOULD make it through. At meetings, in chatrooms, and at the amazing regional gatherings of straight spouses, we've all shared, supported, cried, laughed, hugged and actually have fun again! Now, fifteen years later, I'm still not where I hoped I would be. My health has worsened, largely because of loss of medical care resulting from my husband's inability to meet the financial terms of our separation agreement. And yet, I am deeply blessed by good friends, the wonderful community in which I live, my son, his wife and my two grandchildren living nearby, and the knowledge that the Straight Spouse family is always there. I was blessed for a few years to be able to volunteers as a "first call" person -- one whom people who had just discovered their spouse was gay could call and find solace and a buffer against the horrible shock they were in. In an era highly focused on gay rights, being a straight spouse is very difficult. It is we who wind up in the closet. I've truly never been homophobic, which made my husband's total rejection of me even harder to bear. I want gay rights. I want an open and non-judgmental society where people can partner with those they truly love, regardless of sex. But sadly, I suspect there will still be a need for the Straight Spouse Network for some time to come. And all of us -- straight spouses, gay spouses seeking help for their straight partners, the LGBTQ community now actively working with the Straight Spouse Network for the benefit of everyone -- are blessed for that.

They have been very supportive of my experience, and explained to me certain behaviors of people coming out, they helped staying afloat on this hard times

I found this wonderful group online after my husband and I separated. My husband came out after 9 years of marriage. We stayed together for another 6. I was a complete basket case. I thought I was the only one that had a husband who had lied to her throughout their entire marriage. A marriage that I thought had been built on trust. To find out that there were other women who were in the same boat as myself gave me the strength to get up every morning and fight for that day. To understand that it was not my fault and that I had to be strong for my daughter who had no idea what was happening. I am thankful each day for this group and would not have become the confident person I am today if it had not been for them.

Without the help and support I received from SSN, I would not have survived finding out that my husband of 21 yrs was having an affair with another married man. This group gave my support I needed to get my family through a very difficult time. Knowing I was not alone in this situation made all of the difference in the world.

The straight spouse network really helped me during a difficult time. My husband had told me he was gay and that our marriage was over. I had so many thoughts, feelings, questions, and I wanted to talk to someone who had been in that same situation. Straight Spouse Network helped me connect with other people, provided great resources and links, and helped provide me with support during that difficult time. Now, I am a volunteer contact and if someone in my area needs someone to talk to about this surreal experience, i can connect with them and take them out for coffee and provide a friendly ear to listen. They can talk freely with someone who has been there before, without shame, and without worrying about outing their partner or having other people ask, " how could you not know."

I'm the Founder of the Straight Spouse Network, (1991), yet my hearing the pain expressed by the 1000's of spouses who have entered our worldwide network of "safe" places to talk about their devastated spirits and self worth and the trauma that comes from the shattering of belief system -- this experience keeps giving back to me and keeps me continue to do research and writing so that more people will understand "our" crisis and , in turn, realize that we are the unintended victims of the same pro-straight/antigay societal expectations that caused our LGBT spouses marry us in the first place. Our LGBT spouses struggled and we struggled with the impact of their finally feeling strong enough to come out of their closets. Most of us divorce, so we as well as they and our kids suffer. With this understanding, many straight spouses in the Network believe that the legalization of same-sex marriage will lead to a strengthening (not a weakening) of the institution of marriage.Thanks to Straight Spouse Network support and education network, these bridges of understanding have been built and many more are in construction.

I have gone through my share of challenges, difficulties, roadblocks and disappointments in my life. And I have weathered them all successfully. But none of those adverse situations can come close to the pain and anguish which descended on me when my husband of 29 years told me that he is gay. The Straight Spouse Network was my lifeline when I lost all sense of direction in my life. I found people who understood my situation--people who helped me re-learn how to trust, to put one foot in front of the other, to build new dreams and to forge a new and healthier life. In the world of those whose lives are impacted by the LGBTQ experience, the straight spouses who are left alone when the closet door opens often have a hard time finding support or anyone who understands what they are going through. The Straight Spouse Network does an amazing job of reaching out and offering real help at an unreal time. Through a network of volunteer responders throughout the United States and in several foreign countries they offer the understanding and the words of hope that empower people to move through the journey of forgiving, rebuilding and reclaiming life. All services are offered for free, but not without cost. Keeping a website up and running, preparing resources, doing triage, training support leaders, fundraising--all this and more are done on a very limited budget. Please endorse Straight Spouse Network and help give energy to the work of rekindling hope, trust and new dreams.

This Organization gave me a sense of order and a community after my husband of 22 years admitted to having an affair with man. My life, and the lives of my children, were turned upside down in the space of 1 hour. SSN helped me with the support of others who have gone through the same.

SSN helped me through the process of "dealing" with my husband of 12 years who told me he was gay and had been having an affair with another married man for more than a year. The support and encouragement from SSN members has been invaluable. I am still on my journey to healing from my situation, and I rely on SSN daily for strength and endurance to walk this journey.

The Straight Spouse network helped me with support and encouragement at a time in my life when every thing was falling apart around me. My spouse had just told me he was gay and had been having affairs with men. My world spiraled out of control and I was on the verge of ending it all, and then I entered Straight spouse in a search engine. I found out I was no longer alone. This group provides hope, understanding and educates on all levels. They have saved many lives.

I discovered my now-ex husband was/is gay after nearly 32 years of marriage! You can imagine what a shock it was. It took me nearly four months to find the Straight Spouse Network (in 2002) and I have been very actively involved since then -- as a volunteer, Board member, (volunteer) Staff Member, speaker to media (TV, newspapers, radio, magazines, and an upcoming documentary). Without this group, I feel as if I would have just curled up and died. I've seen hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of str8 spouses slowly but surely go from abject despair to comtemplating a future in which there might be job. Oh, please support this extraordinary VOLUNTEER organization!

They saved my life. No one else "got" it. They literally saved my life.

When I first found out that my husband was interested in other men, I didn't know where to turn. The Straight Spouse Network served those needs for me and serves those needs for people like me, whose world has been torn apart. I am a "client served", and now I serve others who are going through the same thing. We support the people in the group and help them get through the emotionally, and financially difficult process, as we were helped when we first joined the group. And we are models of the truth that "there is life and happiness afterward", even though it doesn't appear that way to people who are new.

It sincerely saddens me to see even one negative review about this organization. The Straight Spouse Network was literally the ONLY place I had to turn to when I found out my ex-husband was gay in 1998. Imagine, I was a young mother with four children all under the age of 8. I had been out of the workforce for 8 years and was totally isolated. Discovering my husband was gay was devastating. The Other Side of the Closet was a book that saved me. I am sorry if I don't quote this completely accurately, but "when one spouse comes out of the closet, the other spouse goes in." This was the case for me. I remember the night I went online in hopes that there had to be someone else out there that was going through the same thing that I was. I found the Straight Spouse Support Network, signed up for their group and made great friends and finally was able to connect to people who understood what I was feeling. The anger, confusion, fear of what was to come.... picking myself up and helping my children adjust to their new family dynamics. I seriously have the ex-husband from hell but NEVER once in this group was that attributed to the fact that he was a gay man. His being a closeted gay man is what broke up our marriage. His actions afterwards had nothing to do with that. As a mother of a gay son, a survivor of a marriage based on a lie...... I don't know what I would have done without this group.

Without a doubt The Straight Spouse Network, and the amazing people I've met there, have kept me going at a time in my life when I thought I could not go on. I can't express how important it is just knowing that there are others out there in my situation; that I'm not alone, and that I don't have to live in someone else's closet out of shame or guilt that I somehow caused my spouse's sexual identity issues. There seems to be so little support for the straight spouse in this situation; it's as if the gay/bi spouse is the only one who's considered courageous for coming out, while we're often thought of as the obstacle that had to be overcome. We lived THEIR lie, not the other way around. I hope and pray that this incredible organization continues to be there for those of us who need it...and there's a lot more of us out there than many care to admit. -Steve S. in NJ

The Straight Spouse Network offered me a life line when no one else was around who understood what I was dealling with. My husband of 23 years told me he was gay and also HIV+. The people in the group offered me support and real advice for my seemingly unreal situation.

After my husband came out after 25 years of marriage, I was stunned and felt totally alone, facing an unresolvable challenge. Fortunately, I found a San Francisco support group where I met other wives whose husbands had come out as gay or bisexual and, surprise! they were all normal, attractive, intelligent women. My husband's being gay had nothing to do with me! Slowly, with the help of the group and reading,I put together a more coherent and strong identity, integrity and belief system. This lifesaving experience motivated me to found the Straight Spouse Network in 1991 so that every straight wife or husband worldwide could find support and help to reconfigure their true selves, with or without their partners. Since then, watching suicidal spouses slowly regain their inner core only because other spouses were there to connect them with help keeps reminding me why SSN exists and why it must be kept alive and well. Volunteers do most of the work, yes, but a core staff is needed to coordinate its triage, support services, educational publications, and PR.

In 1979(!) my ex began to face worsening depression. Over the course of the next four years he slowly recognized that his depression had sprung out of the fact that the homophobic world in which he grew up had pushed him to deny that he was gay ... and to feel extremely guilty about the occasional feelings of attraction toward men that cropped up. We separated because he needed to be honest about his identity and his relationships. He could not continue living a lie. Meaning, of course, that our marriage had been a lie. My sense of reality crumbled. I put up a good fight against devastation by plunging into all sorts of activities that affirmed life. I still could not break through the isolation that resulted from the fact that NO ONE really understood why or how our separation differed from any other divorce. I finally sank into profound depression. In the earliest years of the Straight Spouse Network, I talked with a member of this organization who simply "got it" and affirmed that there was a unique kind of betrayal that typically shatters (or at least undermines) parts of the Straight Spouse's world view. That conversation was a breakthrough on the path to healing. I quickly determined that I would do what I could to ensure that others might hear the words affirming that they are not alone ... and that the issues are not about THEM, or because of them, but stem from the very identity of their spouse. and I cannot count the number of people who have told me that they might not have made it without the support of the Straight Spouse Network

My former husband was abusive throughout the marriage. After I left him, this network provided him support again me. There are at least 2 sides to every story. My side was not allowed to be told.

I was married for twenty one years. It wasn't until the summer of 2002 that I started finding my husbands lifetime secret. He was gay. Shortly after I asked him to leave, a friend of mine saw an article in Dear Abby. It talked about SSN-The Straight Spouse Network. It is an international organization that lends support through the internet and local support groups for spouses that find themselves married to gay people. I joined the group in the Fall of 2002. SSN saved my life. Yet, it did more then that. It gave me lifetime friends across the United States and abroad. Our mission is to reach out, heal and build bridges. That is exactly what we do. They showed me that I was not alone. They took my devastation and created a new future for myself and my children. Through a horrific time, they gave me hope. I wouldn't be who I am today without thier support. Fondly, Ann St. Croix/NY

I was married for almost 18 years when my husband finally admitted to me that he was gay. I have stayed married and only recently started divorce proceedings, as I feel that it is in both my husband's and my best interest to move on with our lives. I wish him the best in his new life. SSN has helped me to get through the grief and painful parts of discovering that my husband was gay. I have had support from so many people on the email list and face to face in my local area, as well as at gatherings in other locations. I owe a lot to SSN.

After too many dead-end phone calls to 24 hour support and crisis centers, and extensive internet research, I was finally able to find a calming supportive source of quality information. I was literally told that because I was not gay, I could not receive any support from the call centers. Support for straight spouses is sorely lacking, and the upheaval of such individual's lives deserves support, and good guidance just as much as the person coming out of the closet. It would be very helpful to have a 24 hour phone line available for emotional support for straight spouses. Thank you for all that you are doing. Just reading the information on the website is helping me cope, at a time when I feel totally isolated from my family and friends.

SSN saved my sanity when my wife had an affair with a woman we both knew. Yes, my wife left me for a woman.... and it wasn't a comedy or a romantic twist, it was hell.... Just knowing I wasn't the only one with a situation like this was quite a good thing, as well as hearing other people's stories and seeing some similarities... I realized I'm not crazy. The face to face meetings and the email lists, and a few people's willingness to call me anytime or let me call them anytime have really pulled me out of a funk of not knowing what to do about this.

Reaching out and Building bridges. This group helps all of its members on a daily basis. The friends and fellow members are always willing to help. This is an awesome group

This organization saved me when I thought I was the only person foolish enough to marry a lesbian. Being able to not feel alone was so helpful in my recovery. I don't think I would be around if it weren't for them.

Finding out your husband or wife is gay is an experience like no other. It takes the very foundation from which a marriage is built and shatters that foundation until it is almost unrecognizable. Many times, it puts the straight spouse in the very same closet as their gay partner. As the secret is kept and the walls of communication crumble, we straights feel isolated. Who will truly understand our situation? Where can we go for support; the kind of support that can even be a lifeline for many. This is where the work of the Straight Spouse Network comes into play. Through the efforts of SSN, we straights are not alone. There are friendly faces, encourageing words and face to face support meetings where we can find our sense of self; to be heard and to be surrounded by those who truly "get it", no questions asked. This wonderful organization continues to be there for all straights, no matter where they are in this journey; no mater what they choose to do or not do in terms of their relationship/marriage. Without SSN, those of us who find themselves in this life experience would have no one to turn to; to be our voice; to give us strength; to carry us when we are unable to walk on our own. SSN: Their services-outstanding Their impact on those they serve- priceless

I found SSN in 2001 and they saved my sanity if not my life. Since then I have volunteered in many capacities. It is the only organization that "gets it" for the straight spouse

a group of warm, caring, suportive people who "get it" when my spouse admited to being gay - always someone there to listen to me -no matter the time of day

If I had only found this organization five years sooner than I did, my life would have looked very different. A life saving organization that allows straight spouses of LGB to feel less isolated and crazy.

SSN was a life-line when there appeared no other support (or information) around to assist me in coping, acknowledging and accepting the emotional and family turmoil, when I discovered that my spouse of 9 years was leading a closeted life, and actively (and secretly) pursuing same sex relationships. My children and I were so greatly assisted by the information, support and companionship of others who had similar experiences. SSN made me comfortable with accepting what had happened and able to move forward with greater strength.

Lost and bewildered we come looking for answers. We are not starving children or dieing of a rare disease. But our worlds have been shattered by the sexuality our spouses have held within. Our and our children's security in family and everthing it means comes apart. For most of us it will end in divorce. Many of us without financial or emotional means to carry on. So we go to the one place that understands and helps us get through one more day and for many the rest of our lives. Please support this incredible organization were the spouses of gay men and women can turn in thier time of need.

Recently my wife informed me that she was gay and would be leaving me for another woman. I had no one to talk to and no where to turn. I was devastated to say the least. I found the SSN and now I have hope. They are a family of great people that have experienced what I am going through. They have welcomed me in with open arms and are helping me through what now seems to be the worst time in my life. I talk to them daily and learn from all of the great people how to better cope with the terrible situation I have found myself in. I don't know how I would be able to work through this without the help of these great friends!

A friend found the Straight Spouse Network for me when I first learned that my (then) husband of 26 years was (maybe) gay. I'm not sure I could have survived without the support and friendships I have developed over these last 9 years. These are people who have been there and understand the confusion that I was feeling - because they have felt it too. They understood as I was realizing that it hadn't been me as he'd told me for so long. They listened to/read my lengthy stories and offered support and wisdom and guidance. As time went on and I learned he truly was gay, they held my hand through additional grief at the realization that much of my life had been based on a lie. They helped me see there was a tomorrow - and I could survive this.

As the non-straight spouse, I have been trying to grapple with being not straight, yet loving my husband and wanting to say married. While SSN is mostly dedicated to the straight spouses, they also have information and mailing lists that can help the GLBT spouse too. This website has been helpful for both of us by pointing us to resources that we would not have otherwise known about.

When my gxh came out of the closet 6 1/2 years ago, after almost 32 years of marriage, I was relieved to know that I was not the problem. Even so, when I found the Straight Spouse Network, I was helped through the process of grief and given so much support from others who had experienced this in their lives. I feel that I have friends all over because of the Straight Spouse Network. They have been a life saver for me.

On my 28th wedding anniversary I found out my spouse been having same sex affairs for over the past 4 1/2 years. After searching the internet I found SSN. What a blessing! With life as I knew it turned upside down, I have felt nothing but support and understanding from this group. It has been a year now and with the this group I feel I have made great strides in becoming my own person and being able to make decisions for my life. Everyone is there for each other. Total support to the straight spouse whose world has been turned upside down.

I found this organization back in July 2006 after finding out my husband was having a four year affair with the husband of my best friend. I was devastated and didn't know where to turn. I began google searching for any information I could find on the subject of women married to a gay man. I found this website and the support and and sense of community made me feel normal and that I had nothing to do with his actions. It has been over three years now and I am a volunteer working with other spouses in a large metropolitan area. In the beginning they look like deer in the headlights and over time they can even look back and laugh. They begin to re-frame their experience and find their new normal. It is a pleasure to work with such a fine organization.

Two years ago, a whole lot of pennies dropped into place and I was confronted with the thought that my husband is gay. I had no idea what to do next but I typed 'straight wife gay husband' into a google search and found this group. Today, I can say that I am at peace with living alone, and can cope with the 'in and out of denial' behaviour of my ex. After 20 years of trying to understand what I was doing wrong, it's a relief to know that I was simply the wrong gender. SSN helped me understand the difference between orientation and character. The addictions my gay ex suffers make it very hard for him to live an honest life. The generous sharing of experiences by other SSN folk gave me the courage to walk away while supporting our children to love and understand their father/stepfather. Later this year, I expect to have the pleasure of meeting many of these wonderful people who live on the other side of the world. This group reaches around the planet to support people like me. I support an authentic life for everyone, and hope for a world where orientation is no more a topic of discussion than a preference for tea or coffee!

This organization literally saved my life. When my wife of 34 years announced she had fallen in love with a woman my world fell apart. Although I sought professional help there were very few people available who had any experience or understanding of this kind of event and the devastation it can cause. There is a great deal more sympathy in the media and among advocacy groups for the spouse who must deal with a shocking change in identity than for the one who finds her/him self abandoned. Fortunately, I found my way to the Straight Spouses Network. Through their online group and through a local chapter face to face group I found support, understanding and a community. I found I wasn't alone and that there is life after this kind of disclosure and in time even a chance to help others.

This organization and the wonderful people I met through it helped me begin to put my life back together when my husband checked out of our 20-year marriage for a man. I don't think it is well understand the pain and problems that are left behind for straight spouses to deal with and largely no support system or understanding in the community at large. Thank God Amity started this organization and opened up a support network so str8 spouses could connect with each other and offer support and most of all understanding.

I owe my current life to this group. When my ex-wife came out and ran off, I was a wreck. This group immediately made me feel loved, showed my the path that I was going to take, and supported me all of the way. I made life-long friends here, and use their support to this day. The Florida gathering was my first fun time since divorce, and I will cherish those memories forever. This is one of the few non-profits that I support.

Quite simply, Straight Spouse Network saved my life. When my ex wife disclosed to me that she was a lesbian, I felt totally alone. Then I found this organization and was embraced by a community of people who GET it and were able to help me heal. The organization has an online forum, and many face to face groups for people who feel lost just as I did.

In April of 1976 I married the woman I loved. After 21 years of marriage, my dreams were shattered. It was April 3rd, 1997, our 21st wedding anniversary. I woke with dreams of the future and happiness in my heart. Instead of being greeted with a kiss, a hug or I love you; I was greeted with a Bcc email from my wife, Sue. It was to her lover, dedicating her love and devotion to her. My life was shattered. I was a man and there was no longer any room for me in her life. I was lost and alone in a world that seemed to care more about how my wife was dealing with her newly discovered sexuality than how I was dealing with mine. I physically and emotionally suffered alone. Then I found the Straight Spouse Network SSN. It was through the SSN that I learned how to live again, how to face reality in the eye and stand tall. I was no longer alone. The men and women of the SSN understood the issues I was experiencing and with out being judgmental stood beside me and was my guide. They led by example and did not dwell on the negative. They didn't take sides but instead helped me clarify the issues and understand that the sexuality of my wife was nothing I had any influence over. Over the years I have many times I have stood side by side with members of the GLBT community and marched and spoke for equality. Reaching Out - Healing - Building Bridges are not just words spoke by the Straight Spouse Network. They talk the talk and they walk the walk. The Straight Spouse Network is not just the Other Side of the Closet; they kick the door open, expose reality, and offer a helping hand so everyone can heal from this significant emotional event.

This worldwide network of support that reaches from Nepal to New York helped me and tens of thousands of other women and men heal and cope constructively when our husbands or wives came out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. None of us is alone any more, fighting the pain of this disclosure in isolation. Together, we show society the unintended domino effect on entire families when glbt person are pressured into traditional marriages as the "right thing to do."

This group is a godsend and a lifesaver. It is the only one of its kind in the world that provides support to straight spouses/partners whose lives are often devastated by the struggles, hidden lives, or coming out of their spouses/partners. When this happened to me, I was living abroad, but through this group I knew that I was not alone, and I was provided the understanding and support that helped me rebuild a new life for myself. In my darkest hours, this group was a beacon of light and hope. They helped me work through all the stages of grief, and to come to the understanding that this was not my fault and that I do have worth. I have never met such a group of caring, dedicated people in my life. It is now 4 years after disclosure and the end of my marriage, and the members of this group remain my closest friends and my lifeline whenever needed. Please support the Straight Spouse Network so others like me can recover and rebuild.

This organization looks after all those involved in a mixed orientation marriage, those who stay together, those who split up, and works with both the gay and str8 spouses.

This group and the wonderful people in it saved my life last year. My wife of 14 years told me she was in love with a woman. It destroyed our family and our relationship. The people at SSN helped me day by day and I found my way back. I was in a complete fog and it was easier knowing that there were other people like me that face this problem. I will never forget their help.

I am new to the organization but it has been extremely helpful to me to see that I am not alone in dealing with a gay spouse. After 10 years of marriage, my husband disclosed and my world fell apart. I am worried about myself and my kids. I went online looking for information and found the SSN. It has been very helpful to read all the other stories (they are all amazingly similar!) and to know that there are people who understand. Being the straight spouse "left behind" is devastating and there is very little acknowledgement. While my husband will get pats on the back for coming out, I will get stares of "how could you not know..." Support for the straight spouse is essential. We deserve to be recognized too!

This organisation helped me enormously when my world fell apart after my wife of 32 years left me to live with another woman, in another country. She was my world, and my world was shattered. Now nearly two years later I m on the road to recovery and building a new life thanks to the Straight Spouse Network.

Straight Spouse Network is great and a lifesaver. I have been helped by great people in my time of need and moved on to live a happy life. I have also met and helped many people through Straight Spouse Netork. It was very therapeutic to me.

This organization literally saved my life after my wife of over 17 years disclosed that she was a lesbian. The online support combined with the local group meetings were simply a lifesaver. No other group truly understands the emotional issues that arise from being married to a gay or lesbian who chooses to disclose later in life after being married. The emotional consequences and the fallout are hard to imagine. Families are destroyed. Self-esteem is wrecked. Even makes me question my own abilities to make sound decisions.

Words can not express how much this group has meant to me. It quite literally saved my life. I was a Str8 Spouse when I didn't know such a thing existed. The people in this group listened to, encouraged, and supported me and continue to do so everyday.

I was married to my soul mate, my best friend for 24 yrs. We seemed to have it all - until he realized he was gay. My world shattered and I felt so alone, depressed, my self esteem gone - and I thought I was the only one in this situation. I lost the life I knew, the dreams for the future we shared, and the reality I could lose the person who was my rock. It took me over a year to contact SSN though encouragement from my ex.... and its what saved me. This wonderful group of people became my familee - they understood, listened while I cried, encouraged me, accepted my contingave me hope. It was through the support of SSN that I began to live again - to laugh. My ex - and still my best friend - saw the difference in me and credits them for giving me what he couldn't. In fact, he has also told other gay spouses about SSN in hopes that others would find healing as well.

When my husband told me he was gay, I had nowhere to turn and no one to talk to. My friends didn't understand my situation at all. I found this organization on Google.com and it has been such a wonderful support for me. It has been less than a month since I found out my husband was gay, but I have already made great friends and found healing in this place.

I was heartbroken when I found out that the affair my husband was having was with a man. I thought I was the only one this happened to. He would not and still will not come out of the closet. After 27 years of marriage I found myself in a awful way. But then I found SSN and my healing began.

This is a fantastic resource for people that discover their spouse is bi or gay after years of marriage. It has been very helpful to read the stories of others and to recognize the patterns and similarities that exist in our stories, and also how others have coped with situations arising from the changes in their lives. The online community is 110% supportive, and also allows for face-to-face meetings with other straight spouses as well. I would not have progressed in my journey so well without this resource and these great people.

I lived for ten years thinking I was the only one this had ever happened to...I had a huge problem on my hands and could not think of a single soul I could even tell about it... Finding the SSN, and people I could talk to who understood what I was going through, since they had been through it themselves gave me the hope I needed.

Nobody talks about how you can be straight and trapped in the closet too. Nobody talks about the shame that nearly immobilizes you. Nobody talks about the depression that brings you to your knees. Nobody talks about the Gay Pride events that your gay husband goes to while you stay at home with his children, and cry. Nobody talks about the train wreck of emotions you have to sort through when you find out your spouse is gay or lesbian. ...but people in the Straight Spouse Network do. They talk about it. They cuss and swear and scream and cry with you. They understand the closet you didn't know you were being put in. The shame that swallows you whole. The depression that has nearly ended many of us. The emotions that are anything but Prideful when a Str8 spouse lives through Gay Pride festivals. The issues surrounding having children with a gay spouse. They help you see your way through the train wreck, holding your hand and seeing you through the darkest moments. We are the silent minority in the world of gay rights and gay pride. We are the men and women who have loved, married, supported and born children to gay spouses. We suffer the effects of homophobia. We struggle with the closet. I don't know how I would have made it through my darkest moments in this marriage without the Straight Spouse Network. They support me and lift me up every day and I am so grateful.

An incredible group of understanding people who lean on each other to support the straight spouses of LGBT partners who have come out of the closet. Wonderful information and ideas offered in many forums. Top notch group!

I found the Straight Spouse Network by accident, while looking at the links on my company's official bi/gay/lesbian website. Until I found that link, I thought I was alone in my dispair of living in a marriage with a man who disclosed he is gay. I stayed closeted for 23 years before finding this group. The people who reached out and helped me from the depths of that dispair will be forever in my heart. I am active on a forum of men who found themselves married to lesbians and women who found themselves married to gay men. I try to give back the support I was given--building bridges and reaching out. I've met folks from the group some in face-to-face events and have developed friendships as a result. Were this organization not in existence, I'm not sure that therapy alone would have helped. Only people who have lived this marriage nightmare can understand the feelings and damage done to our self-esteem and sexuality. SSN is a blessing.

The Straight Spouse Network (SSN) provides much-needed support for straight spouses in mixed-orientation marriages. I am married to a gay man who is in deep denial and may never come to terms with his orientation. In coming to my own awareness of this I conducted a great deal of research on the topic. What I found is that there is a vast amount of information and support for the LGBT spouse as they come to terms with and go public with their orientation. Unfortunately, there is little information out there for the straight spouses so severely traumatized by the reality of these marriages...and divorces. SSN has been a tremendously therapeutic and supportive environment for me. All of the members respect the feelings and choices made by each person as they cope with this very difficult situation. No rating would be high enough for the service this group provides.

I am one of the gay spouses giving rise to the need for SSN. Though I have, what I hope, is a wonderful relationship with my now-ex-wife, I know SSN was instrumental in helping her, which helped me, get through a time filled with tremendous guilt and shame. Without her forgiveness, love, friendship, and understanding I probably would not have made it through those very bleak months and years that followed. I cannot say enough about SSN and the work that it does. Gay spouses may not seem the most obvious beneficiaries of its efforts, but I can assure we are. I am grateful she has found a supporting network of friends who can relate to her situation, the pain of which I cannot begin to imagine. Please continue your work. It is vital and it is so much more important than most people will ever truly appreciate.

My husband came out to me just before our 20th anniversary in 1991. I was very isolated geographically as well as mentally for several years thereafter. When I found the Straight Spouse Network at first I was very cautious and lurked on the Str8s website for months. But, gradually, I became confident of the sincerity of their purpose. I knew no one when I attended the Florida Gathering. I found myself with the most helpful and sincere people I had ever met! With a great sense of relief I began to tell other relatives and friends of my situation. Turns out there are probably 2 million folks who had been or are walking in my shoes. It was a turning point in my life. I forgave my separated spouse who has since passed away from an aids related illness. I consider this organization the premier help source for Straight Spouses.

I was devastated after I found out my husband of 17 years was gay. It never occured to me there were so many others in the same situation until I stumbled across SSN. The shared experiences, friendship and understanding from this online community literally saved my life.

What a blessing and a life saver... to have finally found an organization of people who understand the trauma I experienced when after 23 years of marriage, my husband came out to me. I spent several years trapped in my husband's closet with him, and only upon finding the Straight Spouse Network in 2003, was I able to see my way ahead. From others experiences I was able to understand that I was not the only person that this had happened to. From on-line support to face to face meetings, I have met many kindred spirits, many who have become life long friends. I am forever grateful to SSN for helping me. I now try to help others thru face to face meetings and as well as online.

Straight Spouse Network is a life line for adults of all ages, religious, cultural, racial, and ethnic backgrounds who often by default are suddenly in a life altering crisis which few friends and family can truly comprehend. This is a grass roots organization primarily via email which operates 24/7, 365 days a year to support individuals whose spouse or significant other can no longer stay committed to in a heterosexual relationship. It's complicated for each spouse, for children of spouse, for families. It is a roller coaster ride lasting years with very little help of significance available. I don't know of anyone who found us that did not feel the same way. We are often the invisible people in crisis.

I found and joined the Straight Spouse Network the same night my lesbian wife came out to me in October 1999, at that time I was a "client served". Finding this organization was the best thing that could have happened to me at the time. During those "darkest days of my life", the kindness, understanding and support from the other members of SSN proved to be invaluable to me. This organization helped me eventually move past my personal pain to a point where I was able to start helping those that came behind me by becoming a volunteer in 2001. Almost 10 years later, I continue to be involved with and support this outstanding group that showed me that I could live and laugh again.

I was devastated when I discovered my new husband wasn't straight. I spent nearly two years thinking I was the only one in the whole world who had ever married a non-straight person. Finally I found the Straight Spouse Network and discovered I am NOT the only one. As a contact person now, I find it disheartening to meet so many new straight spouses as they discover their partners orientation; however, as a straight spouse, I think it is wonderful to be part of a group that listens and understands.

After 4 years of dating, a 1.5 year engagement, and 7.5 years of marriage, my husband told me he was gay. When he came out of the closet, I went into the closet. I couldn't talk to anyone, my life was crumbling, and I felt totally helpless and hopeless. I considered suicide. But then I found SSN through surfing the web. Thank goodness! It was a revelation to know that I was not the only one who was going through this same situation. How comforting to hear about the similarities many of us had experienced. I began the slow process of healing and letting my hurt out in the right way. God Bless this organization!

completly devistated when my husband of 20 years "discovered" he was gay, I called the # for SSN listed in the back of a book my husband gave me. Amnity herself answered the phone & gave me info to get in touch with the group in my area. I called immediately & spent the next hour talking to someone who actually understood what I was going through!! It was an amazing help. I have attended a few meetings and have emailed those who needed encouragement themselves. I always get emails of upcoming events & meetings, and it is such a comfort, knowing that I am not alone, that others do understand & are there for me. It is a priceless gift for those who are left.

A wonderful group with an important mission! One day waking up & realizing your spouse is gay & in denial, is no walk in the park. The folks that are at SSN know this, since they have all been there. They offer Face to Face Meeting for folks around the world & I found them all very helpful during a very difficult time. I was & in some ways still am a "client served," but now am happy to volunteer my time to help.

SSN has provided an umbrella that allows for some funding and website listing of a couple of email lists that I run, one for straight spouses and one for both lbgt spouses and straight spouses. By providing support for the email list, I have been able to provide a place for many trying to figure out some of the most intimate relationships in their lives. It was also thru SSN that I was able to get my life back together when I realized that being gay was a big thing in my husband's life, despite his wanting to be in love with me. Being surrounded by others who had been in the same place helped me heal and eventually see that letting go of my anger and hurt was healing for both me and all of my relationships, not just the one with my ex. SSN provided me with the knowledge that I wasn't alone, others had been in the same situation. That feeling helped to save me.

I found SSN in 2000 2.5 months after I found out my husband was gay. I was living in a small town in rural MN and I honestly thought I was the only person this had happened to until I found SSN. The online support groups helped me so much. Meeting other people who had gone through what I went through was key to my healing. It also helped me realize that I want to build bridges and support gay rights, so that maybe other gay men and women won't feel like they need to marry str8s.

The news that my spouse of 18 years is gay threw my life into complete turmoil. Straight spouses do face a lot of the same issues as any married person going through a difficult change in their relationship, but there are some issues that are quite unique to people in our situation. This network was an invaluable resource for me as I picked up the pieces of my life and is something I expect to be a part of for a long time to come.

I was married 23 years when my world came crashing in as my husband told me he was gay. I had no idea where to turn or what to do. I had never heard of any one in my situation and then I found The Straight Spouse Network. It saved my sanity and helped me connect with others who had the same experience.

The Straight Spouse Network helped me to reclaim my true self. Having been married to a man who forced celibacy on me with no explanation that made sense, over time, my self esteem was destroyed. I had no faith in my own judgement and my spirit was broken. I didn't care if I lived or died. By bringing me together with others who completely understood me and what I was dealing with, I truly believe the Straight Spouse Network saved my life. I learned how to deal with "pretzel logic". I learned how to help myself while still supporting my gay spouse's need finally to be genuine. SSN is the ONLY organization that does this very important work. While the gay spouses is supported and congratulated for finally coming out, the Straight Spouse is left with realizing that their whole life as they knew it just turned up-side-down and it seems that nobody really cares. SSN cares. SSN helps these straight spouses to resolve coming out issues in a constructive way for not only the straight spouse, but the gay spouse and children and they do it with compassion and respect. It is truly a life-line for many.

When my husband of 4 years came out of the closet, I never felt more alone. I never imagined that there would be others in my situation out there. When I heard a news anchor ask the question "What about the wife" in reference to Mrs McGreevy it caught my attention. I learned about the Straight Spouse Network and immediately sought their help. Through SSN, I have learned to accept that the situation was not my fault, to accept my x for who he is and to move on. I now am an advocate for gay and lesbian rights in my circle of friends and co-workers. I have also been a sounding board to help some parents in my circle accept their children for who they are and love them without reservation. I also help them to understand that it is not a "phase" or a "bad decision". That it is real and it is who they are.

This organization literally saved my life. I found out my husband was gay and my life fell apart, my health was lost, I was in grief, I could barely function. . . Suddenly, upon finding a group of people who had just been through the same ordeal, I was feeling a little better each time I wrote to them, and they responded. So much of living with a gay spouse who is closeted is about being simply shut-out, emotionally, from the truth. These people let me back in. . .I owe them my life. . .Z.

There is no way I would have survived the lengthy aftermath of my divorce from a seriously disturbed closeted homosexual misogynist without the help and affirmation of the straight spouse network. In order to remain in the closet, my ex husband had to discredit me, because I knew. Our divorce was expensive, it took two years, and he dragged out the custody disputes for two more years, ending only when he lost at the appellate level. He wanted to be in control and "allow" me to be with the children - in other words remain his cover. I met so many wonderful men who affirmed my perceptions of what a family man truly is. I met other women who like me will never hear the words "honey I'm Gay" - but rather "you are a crazy liar who is making this all up". I realized that I was not alone, and that the denial of my liberal friends and church was a rebuke of me - and an embrace of the lie I refused to live and subject my children to. Because of the affirmation of these folks, and the TONS of factual information, I was able to survive this long ordeal (married 15 years, joint custody of our boys for 10 years after that)and now claim my own life. I am happy to help others know that they are not alone, we get it, we understand, and there are many different resolutions to this dilemma

The SSN is an amazing group of people (familiee) who support one another, hold one another up, laugh, cry, vent with one another while learning the truth about a spouse. I had been married for 14 years when I learned that my ex-husband was having an affair with another man. I was devastated, I couldn't understand how he could be gay and married to me. This familiee helped me along the path towards healing by allowing me to share my voice in learning the truth.

SSN or Straight Spouse Network is a nonprofit organization of which I have been a member of for six years. In 2002, I found out that my husband was gay and we had been married for 21 years. My life was devastated and I had little hope for the future. I did not understand why he had married me and had two chldren with me. I was confused and angry. A friend of mine saw an article in Dear Abbey and connected me to SSN. I started posting and sharing my story and very quickly realized that I was not the only one. I can honestly say that they saved my life. They gave me hope at a time when I had none. Thier support and compassion was overwhelming. Thier support helped me to understand the lesbian, gay and transgendered experience and become sensitive to thier needs. It is my goal that through education and legistlation, there will be less Str8 Spouses left in the dust. All of us together can make this happen. Hugs, Ann St. Croix