Giving is the Best Feeling in the World!
My mother inspires me to give. She raised my brother and I by herself. We had a small extended family but we visited them infrequently, mainly around holidays. For my brother and I, mom was our whole world. Even as we became adults and moved on through life, she was there. She had always worked very hard and as she approached possible retirement in her 60s, she received devastating news.
My mother was diagnosed with stage IV renal cancer in the spring of 2007. At that time, the projected life expectancy did not exceed five years. But, we thought she could be the one to beat those odds. Her first surgery was the removal of one tumored kidney. She would spend the following year medication free. The doctors felt there was no need to start additional treatment until there was further activity. In the spring of 2008, a tumor was found on her femur, very close to her hip. She had the bone removed and replaced with a titanium rod. After healing from the surgery, rounds of radiation and chemotherapy were scheduled. The next five years were a roller coaster ride of springtime diagnoses and new types of treatment.
In November 2013, we received the worst news. The doctors felt that all treatment options had been exhausted and it was time to consult with a hospice organization. My mother, brother and I had always believed the cancer would eventually go away if she had one more surgery or one more round of chemo. Unfortunately, the cancer had other plans. It was invading her body from head to toe. She had exceeded that five year death sentence but it was difficult to feel grateful when we did not want to lose her.
We consulted with a local hospice organization and signed her up for their services. Her biggest fear was dying in a retirement home or hospital. She made us promise to avoid that as much as possible. Thankfully, it is the mission of a hospice to support the wishes of patients and their families. This was ideal for our situation.
The next few months were stressful for everyone. My mom had been very independent her entire life so to find herself mostly helpless was tough for her to bear. As time went on, her mobility decreased. She would spend part of the day in her living room chair watching her favorite show, “Duck Dynasty.” It was an odd choice for my artsy mother but something about their antics made her laugh, a lot. She would keep my daughters and I current on the show every time we visited. Her bed was the only other spot where she would stay. My brother, sister-in-law and I would alternate shifts to check on her and to make sure she was eating. We would also try to get her moving around a bit to help her maintain mobility. As this was happening, we had the assistance of the hospice social worker, nurse and home aide.
Mom died around 5 am on May 8, 2014, in her own bed, just the way she wanted. The following months were strange. I had not noticed how the years as a caregiver effected me. I was devastated. I had a tough time articulating my grief and would often cry suddenly. I hated to hear things like “at least she’s not in pain anymore” or “she isn’t sick anymore.” The good intentions were understood but I just could not bear to hear it out loud. I was very happy that she was not sick but selfishly, I still wanted her here. I still wanted to bring her breakfast, help her walk, whatever she needed.
I realized the grief was easing as spring rolled around again. I also started to feel like something was missing in my life. For seven years, there had always been a doctor’s appointment, hospital visit, prescription to pick up or something. That all seemed to end abruptly and I had a tough time figuring out what to do. There were plenty of “things” to do but there was an emptiness. I reached out to a hospice organization seeking volunteers. My goal was to provide support for the patient, as well as their caregiver(s). My experience provided me with an understanding of what they would go through. However, I was not sure if I would be more emotional or helpful.
I have been a volunteer patient visitor for a few months and my emotions have stayed in check. I am grateful for the opportunity. The time I spend with a patient has been extremely rewarding. I feel like I am the one benefiting. I know my mom would be proud of me.
http://www.caringhospice.com/Netscape/index.html
Review from #MyGivingStory