My Nonprofit Reviews

On September 7, 2021 six little words “I’m sorry Sarah, there’s no heartbeat,” changed my life forever. I was expecting to give birth to my Lylah on September 10, 2021…but instead my dreams of her life, who she would have been, and watching my seven year old become a big sister- that she so desperately wanted vanish with those six words. At that moment a part of me died with Lylah and I never fully regained who I was prior to her death.

I was taken to the same room on the delivery floor of the hospital- that I was in the night before. Just fourteen hours prior I was told my Lylah was healthy and we would be welcoming into the world in just four days. When I think about the time period of my life- it’s like thinking of a dream, you don’t remember the full dream, but you get certain triggers that make you remember moments.

Once my mom had arrived- is when the ball started rolling and as many families that have been in this position- you don’t know what to do, what decision to make, what your options are etc. I vaguely remembering saying “I don’t know,” and at this point is when I was offered doulas services through the Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas. At the time I knew what a birthing doula was however I did not know that bereavement doulas existed. To this day, I am absolutely grateful that an organization like this exists.

I remember when I first met my doula; she introduced herself as Lily. The ironic part was Lylahs original name was going to be Lily James (not after Ron Weasleys mom), and it was at that moment I knew Lily was meant to be apart of this journey with us.

Lily’s has such a calming presence about herself. At the time, I did not fully understand that lifelong impression she was going make. She shed light on such dark moment in our lives. Lily presented us with options and listened to our wishes, concerns, and ideas. I knew I wanted to have Lylah baptized even prior to her death- so I knew that was definitely a top priority of mine. Lily took photos, comforted us, listened to us and was such a security blanket for both my mom and myself. She is truly an angel herself; and I am eternally grateful.

My last day with Lylah is the time I truly reflect on. That last day I held her in my arms, kissed her cheeks, touched her toes, cried and sang “you are my sunshine.” That day Lily baptized my Lylah- she said the most beautiful prayer that Lily wrote herself, dressed her in the most beautiful baptism gown, and blessed my baby girl. We all were never more closer to God than we were at those moments. We all got to meet and hold one of Gods angels.

Lily’s presence during the most sensitive and darkest periods of my life not only was comforting but absolutely informative, light hearted and very healing. After Lylahs baptism- I held her one last time, sang You are My Sunshine one last time, kissed her cheeks, touched her toes and whispered I love you one last time. The nurses took her out of my arms and Lylah left the room. I wanted Lylah to leave the room before I left the hospital…I wanted her to leave me …not me leave her in the room.

It has now been a little over a year since Lylah died- I can’t say that my heart has healed completely- I can’t say that I don’t get mad that she died - and I can’t say that I don’t have days when I cry or hold her blanket she was wrapped in.

What I can tell you is that I am so lucky that I was given those 9 months with Lylah and that she chose me to be her mom. I am so happy that there are resources like the Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas exist- and we have access to women like my Lily that gave me beautiful memories to look back on and smile. Lily gave me the ability that even during my darkest hours I am able to look back on those twenty-four hours and Lylahs little face put a smile on my face and makes me say “my baby is beautiful.” As gut wrenching those 24 hours were, I now have the ability to see positivity, light, and love that help me get through saddest of days.

No parent should ever lose a child, it’s not the natural way of life- but life can be so unfair. The Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas and Lily save me from never experiencing welcoming my Lylah into this world, create beautiful memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life and gave me the strength to say goodbye to Lylah.

Lylah rests now with God, her Uncle Adrian, and her Pappy.

One year ago six little words changed my life forever and accepting the help from the Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas changed my entire experience in the most positive way.

Lily you are an angel- truly I am so happy that you helped my mom and I navigate through this journey. Now, you can say that you got to meet one of your guardian angels and you got to meet Mia’s guardian angel for life. And when she asks you what her name is, what she looks like and have you ever met her…you can say yes and her name is Lylah Willow.

My Lylah will always be watching over your daughter and protect her always.

Thank You Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas! You are changing lives.