My Nonprofit Reviews

I returned home yesterday after spending the last 4 days with other Warriors and staff of the Wounded Warrior Project. It was a very powerful 4 days for me and the other 49 Warriors who were able to participate. My review is probably best described in the email I wrote the staff today of the Soldier Bike Ride Boston which was a tremendous opportunity and an amazing experience.

Hi Everyone!

I just wanted to thank you all very much for everything over the last week. The whole experience was unlike anything I could have imagined. I went in trying to protect myself from the vast majority of people that I have encountered in the past. I think most Veteran services have very good intensions, however, are unable to follow through with most of what they fill your ears with. Obviously, the numbers are so large for places like the VA, that folks like me have absolutely no desire to jump through all the hoops. Since I separated from the military, particularly over the last few years, I have had an incredible sense of a foreshortened future. Not suicidal, however, genuinely surprised many mornings when realizing that God had granted me a stay of execution. I recently realized that many of my 1 on 1 conversations with my three children has had the subconscious intention of preparing them for life without their father. Always making sure my intentions for them are clear; letting them know that I want them to have full, happy lives; and making sure they understand that no matter what the situation, I will always love them and be with them. These realities are so very difficult to admit and even harder to put in writing.

Last night I had such a great time telling my wife/ best friend about all the great people I met over the last few days. I went into specifics about how each of you genuinely touched my heart one way or another. There were pieces of each of you that reminded me of qualities that used to be plentiful in me. I used to feel as tough and driven as Nichole, as strong and motivating as Carlos, as optimistic as Luke, as interesting and personable as Meghan and David, as caring as Amanda and Susy, and as insightful as Sully. I guess lately I remind myself more of every character in the Wizard of Oz.

I woke up this morning with the same ‘high’ with more focus and determination to make some sort of plan to reclaim some or all of those characteristics that I used to like about myself. As I used to do, I began writing down things that need to change and attempted to set some short, medium and long-term goals that are reachable. It’s been such a long time since I have let any other sun in my life other than my wife and children. You all provided that sun and lit up my world. Change can be a scary proposition and I must admit that my thoughts became a bit overwhelmed when I saw this mountain of things that need to change. I started to wonder if I had any fight left in me when I glanced over and saw the patch that Luke gave me. 'Embrace the Suck'

I will start this climb and try to muster up the courage and heart I need to reach these goals. Somehow I have allowed myself to be defined as broken beyond repair. I was so lost before this event and I am so very grateful to all of you for reminding me that I’m still alive and can still make a run at life. And yes Sully, I did practice and deliver the obvious to my wife, “You were right!” Not to beat the crap out of this metaphor, but thank you for putting me back on the Yellow Brick Road… it’s a lot shinier than I remember.

Respectfully,

Simi