Fallen Warriors Foundation

Most corpsmen count the number lost, not the number saved. My number is too high to list, though I have stars that say different. "If Only I'd. . ." still wakes me at night, though the shadows are quieter and going away since I've gotten a couple (not one, you can trust two maube, not one, so I have three) good dogs. 3/3 says there's something there -- usually a deer, but you can be ready and not surprised by family or company. Ever, and that's a good thing!

I would personally like to thank the Fallen Warriors Foundation for the incredibly emotional and healing effects I experienced at their annual retreat. I did two tours in Viet Nam, the last as a crewman on a Marine CH-46 helicopter in I Corps. I had carried the guilt and shame for 40 years and in a 4 day week-end an emotional log jam was broken and I had a new perspective. I regained some of my self respect and could understand better why I felt the way I did about myself. Claude AnShin Thomas, Jack Esteys, Colleen O'Callaghan and the 25 or so Vets and supporters changed my life and I can't thank them enough. The first thing I noticed when I entered the hall of meditation was a table filled with kleenex and note pads and I used a lot of both in my stay. For the first time in my life I broke down and bawled like a baby and then was encouraged to explore why I felt the way I did. It gave me new courage but not enough to return and finish what I need to do. I have never been through such an emotionally stressed experience in my life and it has scared me. I need to know that I can go back and face it again because it is the only healing I've known. I can't say enough about the Fallen Warriors Foundation and the work they do.

As the wife of a Viet Nam vet, I began to accompany my husband on the annual Fallen Warrior Foundation retreats in 1999 after he had hit the wall struggling to manage his PTSD. He had reached the point of feeling that there were few, if any, options left. After our first experience it became immediately apparent that what we learned was going to be highly beneficial to him, to our family, our marriage, and to me. I have attended 8 of the past 11 retreats. Three with my husband and five after his death several years ago. I return year after year because I, as a "veteran wife," feel the need to support and be supported by a wonderful group of caring and compassionate people. In an era when everything seems to be on double fast forward, it is remarkable how beneficial it is to receive instruction on how to slow down, shut up, sit quietly, breathe...how to create a different relationship with our thoughts and that which sends us spinning. My being a part of this particular veteran community is a privledge. I am honored by the legacy that my husband left to me.

I have been involved on the periphery of the Fallen Warriors Foundation as a documentarian, studying the impact of Post Traumatic Stress and the healing modalities currently employed to help relieve PTSD sufferers from their symptoms. The work that Jack, Colleen and Claude have undertaken through the Fallen Warriors Foundation and through their annual retreats is simultaneously inspiring and down-to-earth. This is a strong organization with dedication, honor, and a deeply humanitarian mission.

A few years ago I was invited to attend a Fallen Warriors Veterans' retreat by my friend, Colleen, who with her husband, Jack, conceived and organized the retreat every year on or close to Veterans' Day. I had heard over the years about the struggle of the advertising, mailings, contacts, finding a venue with lodging and kitchen, finding cooks to prepare healthy and satisfying food for the group over several days, hosting the retreat leader and his companion and assistant (which they both looked forward to), and generally making sure that attendees had a seamless and meaningful experience. They made sure no one who wanted to attend was denied for lack of funds, and would seek a benefactor or personally pay expenses if necessary. Their commitment to their vision of teaching life and coping skills, stress reduction and positive means of living with fear, guilt and pain induced by war is genuine and tireless. They could not have found a more skilled, insightful and appropriate teacher to lead the retreats. He is a Viet Nam vet who has become a Buddhist Monk. He shares the devastating effects of war but is well trained to teach the skills of living a meaningful life by accepting rather than repressing, rejecting or being shamed by painful war experiences through different forms of meditation, writing and sharing in an environment of silence and contemplation. He is articulate, sharp and compassionate, earning the respect and love of diverse groups no matter how extreme or complex the presented struggles of a particular group may be. Although I felt at first a little out of place, not being personally involved with the Viet Nam war, I soon learned that as a daughter of a WWII vet, PTSD had been a huge part of my growing up. As I learned the symptoms of the condition, I realized that my family had been living with them from day one. Many of my fathers behaviors, which I had so negatively judged, were most likely the effects of his combat experience for which we had no emotional context. That generation could not express pain or accept help, and most never knew their anxieties, restlessness and destructive behaviors were not just "who they were". I watched my father regularly explode, avoid intimacy and search for connection in all the wrong places. My association with Jack and Colleen, then Fallen Warriors, taught me that I could love my father without shame. That is a life changing event for which I will forever by thankful.

In the summer of 1997,Jack Estes gave me a call and asked me to go to Vietnam with the Fallen Warriors[Foundation] and Northwest Medical Teams[now Medical Teams International] on a medical mission.We spent two weeks in Danang and Tam Ky Provinces , with 2 days spent in Hue. From that extradorinary and multifaceted experience of witnessing former soldiers waging peace,came a renewed appreciation of the sacrifices of all Veterans and committment to honor those who have served. The Vietnam war was a searing experience for this country and left scars on the entire body politic of the USA. Attending a Fallen Warriors Retreat with veterans and their families under the guidance of a soldier turned Buddhist monk where quiet and solitude impel the sharing of often terrible memories is often the first step in healing.This Experience was cathartic and healing for me too. In 2000 I worked with the Fallen Warriors Foundation to help fund a project to bring clean water to the people of Nui Than.With the help of East Meets West Foundation a deep well , equipped with 1.5hp pump that pulls water into a 12 meter high concrete tower where the water is aerated,filtered and gravity fed to 500 homes was built.The villagers dug trenches,laid pipe,and back filled the trenches.Water meters were installed to reduce waste and charge the villagers a small fee for maintaining the system.A plaque commemorating the installation reads:Waters of Reconcilliation. This is just some of what Fallen Warriors has done to honor our Veterans and heal the wounds of war.

To whom it may concern, My name is Michael Sills and my father is a Vietnam veteran. I attended the Fallen Warriors retreat because I was having difficulty coming to terms with that relationship. Furthermore, it was an exceptionally difficult time in my life – in short, I had recently survived a bout with cancer, had become disabled and was stagnating. My time at the retreat was very personal and it is difficult for me to write about. However, the experience was, for lack of better words, spiritual: initially painful, then cleansing and, ultimately, healing. It was one of the defining moments in my life.

I have attended the Fallen Wariors Retreat at least 5 or 6 times, starting in 1998, when I first was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of my year as a nurse in Viet Nam in 1970-71. Each and every time I have attended, the 4 days have been not only 'gut wrenching', and full of tears, but also very healing. I have to say that because of the Fallen Warriors Foundation sponsoring the retreats, I am still here today, a survivor, and at PEACE with my war experience

I have attended meditation retreats that were organized by Fallen Warriors Foundation. Not only have the retreats been very beneficial toward my own personal military experiences and their manifestation in my life today, my family and friends have benefited as well. Because Fallen Warriors have taken the risk of securing a retreat site without a financial commitment from the Veterans attending, I was able to benefit. I see how difficult it is to host the retreat when there are so many Veterans and their friends and families deciding to attend at the last minute. In addition, I received financial assistance for a partial scholarship to attend the retreat.

The stories written and read aloud by the "fallen warriors" in attendance the two years I participated live in my heart forever. One year Claude Anshin Thomas, retreat leader, asked that each "write about something you've never spoken before," ~ the stories were heart shattering and the sharing was healing. The participants were lighter upon leaving. I served in the kitchen, hurrying with my work in order to witness this great process.

Dear Fallen Warriors Foundation, I am happy to recommend the Fallen Warriors Foundation as a not-for-profit organization helping veterans. The Fallen Warriors Retreat I attended was a benefit to me in many ways. As a combat veteran of Vietnam era, I was highly motivated in seeking help to understand what I had experienced in combat. I can't say it was a particular therapy or the leader that gave me a sense of safety, but a sharing of experiences with other veterans and learning to listen to them, changed me. I would give Fallen Warriors Foundation a 5 of 5 stars on any chart. I would attend again. I'm impressed enough with what the Fallen Warriors Foundation has done for veterans, that we started, (Jan 2010), a version of the Fallen Warriors Retreats here in Gilpin County Colorado. So yes, what Colleen O'Callaghan and Jack Estes have put together is of value and would be a big hole for many veterans if it were not available. Sincerely, Deni Darby Gilpin County Veterans Service Officer 2960 Dory Hill Rd. Suite 100 Black Hawk, Colorado 80422 (303) 582-5444 ex 1103

I am a disabled veteran of the Vietnam conflict and was diagnosed with PTSD in late 2000. After about a year of therapy my therapist told me of the Fallen Warriors retreat and suggested that I might find it useful. After much trepidation I attended my first of 8 or 9 retreats facilitated by Claude An Shin Thomas. The impact that these retreats have had upon me are beyond measure. The combination of quiet meditation and deep listening and thoughtful reflection help cut through the blockages that separate us from our true reality.

Helped in my understanding my personal PTSD problems and how to deal with these problems more effectively. I was more involved when I lived in Portland, Oregon. Now I live in So. California and am not as involved. This is a great organization, and needs others to understand its importance in the healing of war wounds among other things.

I was having a lot of trouble with nightmares, outbursts of rage, the usual PTSD symptoms. I attended a Fallen Warriors retreat and the work we did, writing, meditating, talking in groups about our experiences, all were a tremendous help to me. They emphasized no particular religion, but there was a Buddhist monk there who'd been a Vietnam veteran. Being able to ask him questions, how he dealt with the really big issues (like killing people), was exceedingly helpful. I came away not cured of PTSD, but confident that I could be, and having a group of people that I could stay in contact with. Very helpful to me.

I've attended two meditation retreats hosted by the Fallen Warriors Foundation on Veteran's Day weekend. The retreat is led by two mendicant Zen practitioners and is intended for Veterans and their families. While at this retreat I've met amazing people who have shared their experiences with me, as I have shared mine with them. Without the Fallen Warriors Foundation, I wouldn't have had such an opportunity.

I have attended more than 10 of the annual Fallen Warrior Foundation's retreats held each November in Oregon. I have found these retreats to be enormously helpful in dealing with my own PTSD issues related to my service in Vietnam with the USMC. Approximately 12 years ago I served for about 2 years as a volunteer with the Foundation's board of directors and assisted in various outreach projects to vets in the Portland metro area. In my opinion, the Foundation provides a valuable service to vets and their loved ones and is definitely worthy of the support of any organization concerned with the well being of America's veterans and their families.

I had the good fortune to attend my first meditation retreat on a scholarship and was so pleased and impressed with the experience that I have attended as often as possible. Meditation is a healthy and positive response to the symptoms of PTSD. Anything I can do to avoid medication is wanted and needed. Fallen Warriors have done a great job in caring for vets with PTSD! I rate then FIVE STARS PLUS!!! THANKS, TOM NORTON

Excellent. I attended their annual weekend retreat a few years ago which I found extremely healing by being in contact with other Veterans who also suffer from PTSD. The couple who have organized this effort are unbelievably dedicated and selfless. I believe that they should be supported in any way possible and strive to do that myself.

I have observed first-hand the strong commitment that the Fallen Warriors Foundation has toward helping our Veterans and their loved ones over many years. The work that they do has helped many people deal with the trauma that war can cause to an individual, as well as the family, upon returning home. They provide a great service to both our Veterans, and our country.