Hand in Hand Parenting

 Hello everyone!
I am a certified Hand in Hand parenting instructor. I have been involved with Hand in Hand since 2016 and have experienced how the genuine act of simply listening to a child can shift the whole dynamic of a relationship.

I am currently being trained by EFTuniverse to become an EFT practitioner and I have a university degree in business administration. My background is in the banking & insurance industry and in the field of education where good communication, problem-solving skills and the ability to handle complaints are required. As a parent though, I was feeling totally inadequate handling my son`s passionate feelings about tiny, little, mundane things throughout the whole day!

My son was two-years-old when I started using the listening tools, and I was a severely sleep-deprived mum, feeling lost parenting through his frequent night waking, unending cries, aggressive and uncooperative behavior. I had an unplanned Cesarean section following 48 hours of active labor, including many hours of pushing. My son was full of feelings of frustration, fear, powerlessness, and loss of control caused by hours of unproductive labor. He was most of the time inconsolable when he cried.

His entrance to our world wasn't smooth, his whole nervous system was alerted for days during the labor and I wasn't available emotionally throughout the entire labor. In fact, I myself was reliving the fears of my own birth experience and feeling totally overwhelmed though I had prepared myself for the whole transition! Thus our journey of healing with listening tools has taken place gradually and in the beginning, it seemed like we didn't make much progress. Having inherited family trauma made it also harder to move forward with the listening tools and thus help my son process the hurt caused by his birth experience.

As a birth traumatized baby he very often showed symptoms of stress, thus would cry a lot, having several long daily crying spells, during which he was utterly inconsolable. The listening tools have helped me to hold space in those situations and listen non-judgementally through countless times even in the middle of the night or in public places when it seemed it could not be possible. I am very much proud of myself that I could help my son break free of all emotional obstacles, inherited family patterns and thus becoming part of the solution or healing process in his life.

After many countless, ongoing, unending, messy, and loud stay listening sessions, painfully long `Setting limit` sessions turning into staylistening sessions, tons of playlistening sessions ( in form of power-reversal games, roughhousing, separation games, regression play, and so forth ) we would see him again falling into the same old behavioral patterns caught up in fear, despair, frustration, and fight-flight response as if his life was in danger..

Till recently he kept initiating games in which he was pretending to be a newborn baby and loved to be held, adored, cherished and told the doctors what to do to regain his power back. This kind of regression play has helped him to process the experience of the interruption during the important bonding time after birth. To my amazement, they have helped me too to renegotiate and transform the break in the bond that occurred after the birth. This play-based approach helped us both to regain a sense of control, reshape/rewrite our birth story, integrating it with our present.  

By being present, listening attentively, and setting loving boundaries, I have helped my son sleep through the night after years of sleep deprivation.. By honoring, acknowledging, and listening to his feelings of fear and frustration, I have created a safe space for his stuck emotions to release, thus helping him also to move beyond aggression.

It took me a while to figure out that it mattered enormously to keep the balance between those heavy staylistening sessions and playlistening & special time. He seems to know intuitively how to create a therapeutic play or game for himself to conquer his fears and hurts. And it wasn`t until last year that I learned following his lead, being sensitive to his reactions to protect the delicate balance between feelings of fear and safety while playing.

I am ever grateful to Paty and everyone who has contributed along the way to HIH. I love the generous view of our approach that children are good and that they communicate through their challenging behavior to connect. This simple yet very powerful core belief of HIH alters the facts in our life thus paving the way for the healing process within families. The quality of our interactions, a simple act of listening to our child´s needs, a simple limit set lovingly, waves of laughter we follow while playing are nurturing and thus creating health in the real world every day.


This very positive intention of focusing on connection and holding the generous view of our children's behavior { though very intangible) is a powerful form of „epigenetic medicine“ for challenging and difficult behaviors, creating real tangible changes in our relationships with our significant ones.


Dawson Church , author of The Genie In Your Genes, desrcibes the loving parenting as “epigenetic therapy“ HIH parenting by Connection Approach is a epigenetic therapy, dealing with the real roots of our children's behaviors not with the behavior itself or the symptoms on the
surface.

Warmly,


Ebru

I absolutely love this charity! Hand-in-Hand parenting has turned my family around, my relationship to my boys, the way I can understand and be with myself and other adults... It is one of the most life-supporting and life-affirming approaches I have come across. I wish many many children and parents/carers/educators to have access to the warmth, intelligence and healing simplicity of these generous teachings and warm-hearted community.
My adolescent, special needs boy has come back to me! From being raw-aggressive due to unsupported disabilities, stress in the family and school-demands, we now have regular jokes and games going on, he will come to hug me and lean on me several times a day, and share so many levels of connection. I cannot say in words how much that means to me. And when he is well-resourced, he will use the techniques, games and soothing short sentences I have met him with, with his younger brother - without me prompting. Just because they are firmly in his tool box, and HE CAN.
Truly radical, as in "from the root, - radix", in the gentlest, playfullest, most humane way. Allowing us ALL to come home. THANK YOU!

HiH has changed our lives! It’s hard work being a parent and harder yet with children with special needs (SEN, ADHD). As I’m following several different “techniques” of parenting for different needs, I keep coming back to HiH again and again as it really looks at the core of not just who the children are but also us as parents and the dynamic between us. HiH provides support, nurturing and a community of likeminded people and encourages everyone to grow and mature without the need for expensive therapies.

Hand in Hand has made a difference in the way I parent and the way I live, offering me the chance to develop positive tools for supporting my family and the chance to be part of a community of people who are listening to themselves and to other people with compassion and kindness. This is the kind of organisation that changes the world, one relationship at a time.

It is fantastic to see how the Hand in Hand tools can shift the whole mood of my family when we implement them. It looks as if, with Hand in Hand, I had finally been given the green light to be more fun and more compassionate towards myself and my children. Also, the parents' community is unique and incredibly supportive. Thanks, Hand in Hand!

A program that hands down will change you! The program will help equip you with skills to apply in any relationship you have in your life not just with your kids!

Hand in Hand Parenting changed my family’s life forever. As a parent, I apply the 5 listening tools on a daily basis, in the most difficult moments of parenting. Thanks to Hand in Hand, I am confident in my ability to connect with my child before reacting - and that’s life changing.

This charity made a huge difference in our family life. It offered us the information, support and care that we needed when we needed it the most. I wish their services were available to all families, irrespective of their financial situation.

My life has been so blessed by the wisdom of Hand in Hand Parenting. The podcast is what really drove the tools home for me. The biggest takeaway has been learning not just the tools but the delivery of them. Having the tone of voice modeled has been so helpful. This nonprofit has had the most positive influence on my ability to parent my child and has had a ripple effect on how I treat my partner and myself. They are a wonderful group of people and I will forever be grateful for the work that they do.

Hand in Hand parenting is an invaluable resource supporting parents and families across the globe. Especially now, when parents are faced with more demands and more stress than ever, the tools and supports offered through the Hand and Hand model are like lifelines for parents. The respectful, peaceful approach of Hand in Hand has helped our family immensely. My wish is for this approach to be available to everyone. When we change families, we change the world.

All roads lead to these tools. Has helped me with my children, myself and in my work in the community.

Hand in Hand taught me how to meet my daughter in her joy, in her pain, in her heart. It forever changed her life, and mine.

Hand in hand parenting is such an awesome organisation. I am so grateful to them for all that they have done to help me on my own journey of self discovery and inner work, as well as making such a huge difference to the life of my whole family. I have the tools to support my children snd my partner snd myself and we are all so much more connected as a result. Thank you hand in hand! X

Very helpful in giving parents the kind of support that truly makes a difference!

Hands down, the best parenting support I found in my early years of learning how to do this momentous, and deeply underrated, job of parenting. The level of support they offer worldwide is extraordinary. I have gone on to be a certified instructor for Hand in Hand because I believe so deeply in the efficacy of their tools.

Hand in Hand Parenting offered me much needed support when parenting was hard. They gave me the skills to be the conscious, repsectful parent I wanted to be. They supported me through some dark days of parenting and I am now stronger and more competent. My children have benefited enormously having a parent who is more resourced and emotionally available to them.

Hand in Hand has helped parents like me all over the world! I have learned so much - not only about how to be the best parent I can be, but also I have been able to support other parents with the tools I have learned. The Hand in Hand approach is unique and VERY easy for parents to apply. As a bonus, it helps lift some of the guilt and shame that parents can feel, given how society views our role. That in itself is priceless!

Hand in Hand Parenting has contributed useful information to many of my close friends, young parents and to grandparents that I know. When people are struggling with a child not sleeping, or not wanting to sit in a car seat, or being afraid of dogs, Hand in Hand Parenting has an approach for helping people figure out the core of an issues and then come up with ideas about how help with the situation. A great group of teachers offer on line classes, there are many articles on the website and a growing worldwide community of people who share this approach.

I can't be more thankful for finding Hand in Hand parenting. I've used these parenting strategies and tools for many years and I'm so glad to have them in my and my families life. My current experience has been to use this work to support my Son with his transition to secondary school. I was so worried about his time and whether I would be able to support my Son as my schooling was a traumatic experience therefore I'm triggered by my child's very normal anxieties and was worried I'd be too overwhelmed to support him. The Hand in Hand Parenting tools gave me something to reach for. I used their tool of listening time over the summer to help myself deal with my feelings and fears for my child. I used and am continuing to use their listening and connection strategies to aid our bond and deal with the stressors of homework, his anxieties and fears about fitting in as he moves into tween and teen years. Hand in Hand parenting gives me strategies to reach for whatever is going on in my family. I now teach these tools to parents as this work feels like the missing information that can help all communities and families the world over.

Hand in Hand Parenting provides top notch support for the very hard and under noticed work of parenting. Hand in Hand parenting has provided me and my family with a level of support that I can’t imagine parenting without. They provide tools and information that have profoundly positive impacts on children and change the trajectory of a family. I am incredibly grateful for Hand in Hand parenting - I don’t know what I would do without their wisdom and support. One example is that at the beginning of the pandemic they immediately started offering free listening time (one of their vital tools) to parents all around the world.

Hand in Hand has a wonderful parent program, that really works in supporting parents to connect to their children. Hand in Hand is unique because it also supports parents and helps parents feel supported and less alone. Furthermore the tools that they teach allow parents to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma and be more present within their relationships with their children. As an organization hand in hand is supportive and warm, with high integrity . A breathe of fresh air and a shining light in a tumultuous world that it seems we live in.

Hand in hand is supporting the people who are doing the toughest and most important job in the world (parents). Their approach is what kids need but what parents have not been taught to give. As a result their work is of crucial importance to the society of tomorrow. And while they could charge a fortune for what they do they decided to operate as a non-profit. Hats off to you HIH patenting!!

I love the tools HiH gives and they make so much sense!

It wasn't until I tried a Listening Partnership that I realised just how crucial and valuable that element is and it has made a massive difference to me being able to stay calm during the chaos. I still lose it sometimes but no where near as often and, overall HiH is helping me be the mum I want to be.

I feel really supported by the HiH community too, especially as I would otherwise feel alone in the way I would like to parent.

I definitely recommend doing a starter class, so supportive and nurturing.

This is an incredible organisation that gives parents practical and emotionally intelligent ways to support their parenting, their child’s emotional health and well-being and tackle difficulties. As a clinical psychologist specialising in child mental health, I became passionate about the prevention of mental health difficulties. And so I was delighted to discover Hand in Hand both as a professional and as a parent myself. The Hand in Hand tools are backed up by well-evidenced theory and research in attachment theory and neuroscience (interpersonal neurobiology) and provide both an overall map and specific practices to build connection with your child, get support for yourself as a parent and to support your child with difficult emotions and behaviour in a way that actually enhances your connection with them and builds their emotional resilience.

The Hand in Hand Parenting tools changed my life and the lives of my family. I can't imagine parenting without them.

Lifesaving. Breathtakingly kind. They completely changed my relationships with my sons and grandchildren. I learned exactly how to connect kindly, even through tantrums. To set limits as a gift, without harshness or disconnection. I share their insights & website every chance I get. Their insights apply to my relationships with other adults as well as with young ones. I shared Patty's article, "Helping Children Deal With Shocking Events" immediately after there was a murder in our neighborhood. I got it to the parents before their kids got home from school on that hard day. Their thinking and clear communication are transformative for parents and children.

Hand in Hand is a transformative resource for parents!

Hand in hand has saved my life being sleep deprived with a screaming aggressive child and both of us going through trauma. I spoke to a consultant who thought it birth trauma. I looked up articles to help me deal with it. Managed listening partnerships and have had beautiful times learning to be led in play. It gives me a Benchmark for direction and understanding when I miss it.

When my child was two I realised a lot of the mainstream messaging didn't make sense and I was feeling quite helpless when someone set me down a Peaceful Parenting path and that clicked and learning more about parenting with connection and empathy, I kept finding the same main tools which I eventually realised came from Hand In Hand Parenting. I then dove deeply into Hand In Hand Parenting and their connection-based approach which starts by healing and supporting the parent was so transformational that I had to pay it forward by becoming an instructor myself. There is nothing like this organisation and the heart of their desire to help and support parents globally beats in every move they make!

I first started with Hand in Hand in the late 1980's. It was the thinking about children and parents that resonated with me 100% - and I'm astute when it comes to this topic. I wanted to learn and to reach other parents with this amazing, revolutionary and effective approach. One of the qualities I loved and value and stood it in good stead with me, was the consistency of the approach. For example, there was the insight about the importance of children feeling connected that was consistent with the tools that address off-track behaviour - there was no 'ignoring tantrums' or 'sending a child to their room to 'think about' what you've done'. While setting limits is key in the approach, the Setting Limits tool is about moving towards a child, bringing them in, and bringing ourselves to them as we set the limit. A challenge to be sure - that is addressed by teaching parents how to engage in Listening Partnerships with each other. In these Listening Partnerships (and Support Groups) they can face the emotional challenges of setting limits, of listening to a child who is releasing emotions mightily (eg when 'No' is held) and of the whole host of other issues for parents Not the least of these challenges is the lack of societal support for the work of parenting. Hand in Hand recognises this disrespect for parents right up front and recognises it as the source of parental guilt, exhaustion, isolation and confusion - for a start. As a Certified Instructor of Hand in Hand Parenting, this is the first thing I talk with parents about in a class or a talk. I extend a heartfelt, respectful 'thank you' for their hard work and recognise that they are doing the most important job in the world - one that goes largely unrecognised by the society that counts on them. There are usually tears all round because it counters the internalised blame parents carry for their - imagined - failings. But, parents' struggles are not parents' fault. Society as a whole must address this fundamental issue. This is not a platitude; it's critical to world change; to a better, more human world society.

I am happy and proud to part of the Hand in Hand movement that is here to bring some of the much-need respect and resource to parents and children that they need and deserve.

Ann Hefferan, Adelaide, South Australia

Oh. My. Gosh.
Where do I begin!!!
{I’m gonna start crying just writing this}

To say that Hand In Hand has changed my life and my families life might be the biggest understatement ever. And beyond me, all the families that I have introduced Hand In Hand to through Patty‘s book and website. There is just so much information to be learned around how to be a parent, and Hand In Hand is the one stop shop. Before I was introduced to this parenting approach I had researched pretty much everything else out there, I would take a little bit of each and try to patch them together but I had extremely low confidence in my ability to parent. Reading Patty‘s writings and learning the five tools was the first time that I ever had an integrated parenting approach that made sense on a personal and scientific level. I can’t tell you how relieved i was.

There were many other approaches that I agreed with theoretically but for the life of me I could not seem to implement. Hand In Hand was the first parenting approach that I agreed with ideologically and also pragmatically. They had tools! I am beyond thrilled to promote this organization and all the good it does.

I’m not sure how I found Hand in Hand Parenting but it has been a life changer for me and my kids. I’m so happy with the enormous quantity and extremely high quality of help offered by this organization!

This organisation changed my life. I struggled so much with my son's big feelings, and felt very alone. The Hand in Hand Parenting approach taught me that with support and resourcing it was possible to show up for my children in ways that make a huge difference.

Hand in Hand Parenting changed my parenting for the better and altered the course of my professional life. The ripples of goodness, kindness and intelligence imbedded within this approach flow out into a distressed world in support of parents and families everywhere.

Parents receive direct support for themselves and for hard work of parenting, so they can better attend to challenging moments with their children. Subsequently, children have an expanded capacity to care about how they feel, while also caring about how others feel.

This is what we want isn't it? People who are self aware and who also have compassion for others, the ability to tolerate frustration, and the capacity to listen and contribute to the growth of their community.

As a new and struggling paren 14 years ago, I new that I wanted to parent in ways that were different from my programing, but didn't know what that looked like. Someone at the time, lent me their Hand in Hand pamphlets, and when I read them, they resonated deeply.
The kind, compassionate, respectful and understanding approach and tools have been a standby ever since.
This organization is up to great and meaningful things in the world, helping parents, teachers and families to thrive.

Hand in Hand is a wonderful organization that truly makes a difference for parents. I am a better parent because of them. I truly cannot recommend them highly enough.

Hand in hand is an outstanding organization that has helped thousands of households have healthier and more positive family relationships, myself included. The support it offers to mothers, fathers and caregivers is both a lifeline and life-changing. They run a bare-bones operation so donations truly go to supporting the moms, dads, and families who need it the most.

I started Hand in Hand Parenting with my family 2 years ago. It has changed how I parent, look at my parenting and feel about my parenting. It has given me the insight into supporting each other as parents and has taught me how to seek support and accept support taking me to a better place to be there for the emotions of my children. My children have a safe place to fully release their emotions and move forward lighter and happier and more connected. It has been a game changer for us!

Hand in Hand has changed our lives! with love and non-judgemental open arms, clear teachings, support and community.
I am confident now in my parenting. I am guiding my daughter by her side through life while allowing her a voice, her power and therefore I allow her self esteem to bloom.
I am preparing her for life instead of trying to manage life for her.
I volunteer with love, money and time :) No regrets and much respect.

Amazing teachings and advice I use everyday with my kids

An excellent evidence-based service that also talks from the heart, helping parents to understand their children’s behaviours, and connect and support them in fun and meaningful ways.

Hand in Hand parenting have offered invaluable advice and guidance that has helped me to understand my children better, empathise with them and respond to them in a more loving and effective way. Their resources are widely available and easy to understand and their passion for building a more loving, just and equitable society by equipping parents who are raising the next generation is admirable.

I have followed this page for a long time . The helpful articles and quotes are reassuring to my parenting style . I recently attended a workshop which was brilliant . Thank you.

I refer to HiH parenting articles again and again when dealing with all kinds of challenges with my own children, as well as the little ones I used to nanny. It was amazing to see positive results emerge right before my eyes when I applied the HiH techniques! I am so grateful for the resources they provide to parents and caregivers for low prices or free of charge, being accessible for all who need help. Such a valuable organization!

Great support for raising children with love and attention that truly meets their needs.

Hand in Hand is incredibly valuable to parents from around the world. Their 5 listening tools can be used to effectively support the emotional needs of children, improve all family relationships and to gain support for parents in a global community of peer support. Incredible and unique.

Hand in Hand Parenting has been with me through every step of my parenting journey. From the daily challenges of parenting like tantrums, picky eating, and night waking to the challenges of coping with trauma and divorce, Hand in Hand Parenting has given me the tools to help my family thrive.

I live in a remote island at the north of Scotland. We have three children and discovered Hand in Hand parenting after reading numerous parenting books and exploring online parenting courses. Options for support with parenting are limited if you are geographically isolated and I am so grateful I discovered Hand in Hand Parenting.

The organisation provides an enormous resource of materials and practical support. I am a registered therapist in the UK and took part in the "Professional's Intensive" course in 2018 which has had a hugely beneficial impact on my work with families. I have since joined the instructor certification course and hope to become certified later this year. The sheer depth of the work that Hand in Hand Parenting does is hard to put into words. I have yet to find a set of resources and support network which rivals Hand in Hand in terms of being trauma informed, aligned with research (but presented in an accessible way) and which truly empowers parents in a practical, non judgemental and transformative way.

Hand in Hand has the most transformative and effective tools out there (I explored a LOT of approaches) to help with an incredibly wide range of parenting challenges- from outright trauma, to consistently not getting out of the door on time in the mornings without fights, to name-calling and "talking back". I've dealt with all these issues and many more with the five tools- they're simple but profound and nuanced depending on the situation. The instructors are very warm and caring and embody the premise of this organisation: that kids and parents are good, even when behavior is off-track. I have found this to be healing and life-changing! I highly recommend this organisation to every parent I meet.

The depth of integrity of this organization is amazing and I can honestly say I wouldn’t be half the connected, loving, confident parent I have become without the tools, literature and programming they provide.

So beneficial in helping my family to grow together, connect and to embrace our emotions together rather than push them away.

Hand in Hand Parenting provided tools and support to help my family heal from a huge loss we experienced. Their passion for encouraging parents and acknowledging the emotional side of our experience is invaluable! I’ve found so much more joy in my experience as a parent with these good tools. We play more, we connect better, and we bounce back faster from the sticky parts of life!

Hand in Hand has been a complete game changer for us. The tools they teach are simple and yet so so effective. I love how this approach deeply respects parents as the experts in their families but provides the info and support they need to thrive and bring so much more fun into family life.

Hand in Hand Parenting is life changing. The message they share is vital for the world.

Deep integrity. Practical tools. Fantastic results. A much needed breath of hopefulness.

Hand in hand is by far my number one “go to” for parenting advice/support. If every parent had to take a course through hand in hand, our world would be completely transformed.

Hand in hand parenting has transformed the way I parent and relate to children.

Since I started following Hand in Hand, I am way more aware of my children's needs and mine too. Being aware of them is the first step. This helps you with being compassionate towards yourself and others. HiH has helped me in many ways, it's helping me to be a better parent and a better human being. The best thing is there's no punishment for the child or the parent and no judgement towards them either; there's only love and understanding.

Hand in Hand parenting is a vital resource for parents. It’s totally reshaped my view of behavior (and misbehavior).

I am so grateful for the work Hand in Hand parenting does. Parenting is hard work and imortant work and Hand in Hand has given me tools and support to be the postive parent I want to be. They are strengthening and guiding parents which in turn will bless generations. Thank you Hand in Hand for all you do!

Hand in Hand Parenting are such a great support and resource for parents, the online groups, the podcast, the articles and the book are all fantastic.
Both hopeful for being our best selves and realistic that we're human and make mistakes.

I was a struggling adoptive mum when I first came across Hand in Hand Parenting. I was aiming to be a therapeutic parent and falling short, triggered by my daughter’s big emotions. Hand in Hand not only provided me with practical tools that made sense for a child with separation trauma, they gave me support like no other parenting program had and they’ve been there for me ever since. I don’t know where I’d be on my parenting journey without a Hand in Hand. I am also in private practice as a therapist and parent coach where I share the tools daily with my clients and hear how they too are seeing the difference Listening and Connection makes.

I found parenthood full of many joyful moments. Also there are many overwhelmingly dark times. Hand in hand has had a dramatic effect on my family life. It had helped me find support and I've developed a sense of compassion I never had before, especially for myself.
The daily challenges of parenting feel less daunting now I'm armed with the wealth of information and tools that hand in hand offer.
I feel a deeper connection with my daughter and I'm hopeful for our future relationship.

I found Hand in Hand when I was a desperate, isolated new mum. It provided me with support while teaching me to build my own support systems and tools which enabled me to bond with my baby and then adapt to each new stage he has reached. I have used those tools every day over the last two years and it has made our family connected and thriving. Others around me commented on the transformation and many of them started to seek support from Hand in Hand and have seen similar benefits in their own lives. I am so grateful to all those involved in developing these ideas and providing this invaluable support to families.