I attempted to participate in an online support group run by 1in6 for male victims of sexual violence.
The moderator, who is a member of the 1in6 advisory board, started the session by posting a quotation from a self-described radical feminist.
This feminist, within the past year, was involved in a widely reported on scandal after asking an audience on CBC to consider how many men feminists would need to kill each day before feminism's demands are met.
I, as you can probably understand, felt disturbed by the inclusion of radical feminist rhetoric within a support group for abused men.
At the beginning of the group the moderater asked participants to share their feelings.
When I attempted to do so i was silenced (blocked) by the moderator.
The following DM's from the moderator were glib, dismissive of my feelings, rude, and condecending.
I was then banned from the site despite not violating the posted rules.
(Apparantly being ordered to share your feelings, attempting to do so, and then being silenced by the moderater is 'non-participation' and a bannable offence)
I feel deeply hurt, alone, and worthless after being treated so poorly by someone held up in the media as a supporter of male victims. (This moderator has been profiled and celebrated by nearly every major media outlet in Canada)
When I attempted to file a complaint with the well-meaning volunteers I was able to contact they informed me that 1in6 does not have a complaints policy. (A bizarre situation for a public-facing non-profit)
The staff/volunteers apparently do not have the ability to take or escalate complaints and do not have contact information for their own management. (Again, bizarre)
I did some research and it turns out that 1in6 is actually an extremity of RAINN. (Another non-profit)
RAINN has a very good reputation in helping females and an extremely bad repution when it comes to helping males. (RAINN does not screen their volunteers for anti-male bias and many of their volunteers are womens studies students with strong biases against men)
1in6, it turns out, is the male outreach arm of a feminist oganization masquerading as a service for abused males.
I would suggest that male victims be very cautious before contacting 1in6 and if you must, prepare yourselves to be treated extremely poorly.
There are no local services available for me to heal from my abuse experiences so, without further options, I will now return solemnly to the life of poverty and near complete isolation my childhood abuse has doomed me to suffer until the day I die.
Thank you to anyone who has read this far. I hope you never have to live through what i have lived through.
How so very sad how this Organization works ( RAINN and 1in6 inc ) in my Opinion has set up a very Profitable business under a 501c3 nonprofit to create some very hi paying jobs for themselves the ceo and board again this is my Opinion. I had no one to talk to or nowhere to go so I looked online and I find plastered everywhere on the net many story’s Similar to mine from ( RAINN ) contact us 24/7 for support to talk to someone so I did the rep ? On the phone advised me that a one on one Counselor could be up to a 2 to 3 month wait but we have a group meeting in your city i agreed on a group session as I felt more Comfortable in a group of my pairs this session went very good for me it was the first time I was ever able to share what happens to me after hearing the others in this group there story’s where so very close as mine victims at a very young age of between 6 and 10 years of age I was the only male in this group that was ok with me being we where all victims at a very young age in this group I learned a lot about boundary’s from some of the others in this group and how to deal with them, the Moderator in this group was an older woman felt kind a like a mother image that I was able to share my story with at ease.
I returned next week and when I entered the room the older woman-Moderator was not there
A younger woman was in her place and said that the older woman was a temporary helper Volunteer as I sat down at the Conference table and Without even Addressing me or asking what brings me here to this group as I sat Quietly just listening for 45 minutes looking at the clock on the wall as she needled every participant in that room and more less about and directed straight at me and when there was not much of any response from the group she looked me straight in the eyes and said “ I am a victim of sexual assault “ this was at the end of 45 mins on the clock. The next hour went just fine with the group. At the end of this group session this Moderator-Counselor after everyone was leaving she said that thus group may not be for me and that I should seek a one one one Counselor I said that I was advised that can be a 2 to 3 month wait she then said “ I don’t mean to cut you off but I’m out of time look online to Psychology today and find a counselor there “ more less do not come back ? I left so hurt I felt more of a victim as a victim I felt very strong that she is or was very recently involved in a bad Relationship and had taken it out on me being I was the only male in this group, I left there very depressed feeling and a Long drive home from there in another city with this very hurt feeling in me, it’s not my fault what had happened to her I was there for my heeling and dealing with pain my self. Long story short
A day before the next group meeting I was contacted by The receptionist at that office And she stated that the counselor there said I was not welcomed by that group and they where uncomfortable by me being there in that group, I later found out that was a total lie as I was Approached later bye group Attendees I was asked why I did I am not returning to any of the sessions and I advised her of the comment made by the moderator and that I was contacted by the receptionist at that office I was advised by this attendee at a previous meeting that this was totally false and that the group was fine with me being there we all shared like stories and all was going just fine she was surprised to hear that.
I later complained about this issue someone stated to me from that office that this Moderator Would’ve had to have completed her own counseling for her issues before moderating one of these groups
So in that statement it appears she still has issues with men from her being a victim of some kind of abuse - so I felt blamed for her issues.
I later contacted the director of that center about what took place in that room I told her that I think this session was recorded being that this Moderator had the same phone as mine and that I recognized the record read beeping on her phone throughout the entire meeting the director said these sessions are not recorded i again ask her to ask the Moderator to her The recording that I believe was made on her phone so that she can hear how I was attacked throughout that session without me even saying a word I kept silent as the entire group was being Prodded Suggestive comments And when that didn’t work she looked right in my eyes and made her comment that she was a victim of Sexual assault.
So there must have been a recording as I Suspected Because as I was driving with my wife within two hours of that communication with the director Kathleen I was contacted by that moderator almost exactly enough time to hear that entire recording while on speakerphone my wife listen to the entire communication between us moderator and me nothing but apologize is over over and over I said I will be returning to the next meeting that it works for me there’s no issues between anyone in that room or me otherwise I would have excused myself if I felt anyone was triggered by me being in that room we all We all shared near like stories of childhood abuse this next group session went well Except for at the end of the group session the moderator I noticed as I was leaving pulled aside someone from the group outside the building and was talking to her and I got the gist is in my opinion as she looked over towards me leaving it was aimed at me well sure enough it was because I later received a call that was again.welcome to that group that they felt uncomfortable with me being there.
Here’s where it gets very sad again Depressing I have attended Several yoga classes and after this last incident at the group session and when I was in the yoga class at the end of the class I ask the instructor if there was another trauma related stress release yoga class Closer to my city as this was too far for me to drive up here to another city just for the yoga although the yoga worked very good for stress is too far there is no more group session that I was asked not to return - as I just said that the Moderator from that group just happen to be in that class must’ve saw me walking in she jumped on me saying you don’t need to tell the instructor anything and I replied yes I can ask if there’s any other classes that are not related to the your women’s rape crisis center there’s nothing wrong with me asking that and I told her I would not be returning here because I was not welcome in that group and that statement came from you not the group - here’s where it gets Very interesting as I was leaving this yoga class and was witnessed by some others in that group which I did not know were even in that class I was approached by one of the group attendees and she was very curious as why I have not been to the last group sessions and what happened that I’m not returning and when I said you heard it for yourself she stated wow that’s not true at all she was there there’s no sentiment or anything against me from the group in anyway she was looking forward to me returning to the group So I went the following week to one more yoga class and one of the same group members started a conversation as I was leaving and as she approached the office near where the moderater was it looked as if she was in fear of being seen talking to me so she backed away just made me feel really hurt you don’t know how hurtful this was I left and I never returned this is not right ( RAINN ) Does not Screen it’s Counselors and or moderators for these type of group sessions this is very discriminative it is extremely discriminate against males. I ask some of the other Attendees in these groups if there have ever been other male victims in the sessions and they said yes but only once or twice and they’re gone so I feel it was the same discriminate action that removed all male victims from these groups and not the group them selfs attendees in these groups if there have ever been other male victims in the sessions and they said yes but only once or twice and they’re gone so I feel it was the same discriminate action that removed all male victims from these groups Just as what happened to me
So now I am Researching the Financual structure of RAINN and 1in6inc. I am now attending Many political events I am not a politician in anyway but I am a fast learner and have met with many Congressional candidates And governor to be candidates
To discuss my issues with and look for other areas of support for victims of these type of assault and trauma related issues there has to be better Resources for victims then ( RAINN ) and ( 1in6 inc ) There are many flaws in your system does not work for all It needs tweaking badly
1in6, Inc. is leading the charge to help men who were sexually victimized in childhood. Not only have they worked hard to build the greatest set of online resources and professional trainings across the U.S., they they have just launched the most inspirational and creative campaign: 1BlueString. This campaign will change the way people talk about this difficult issue by asking guitarists to play guitar with a single blue guitar string to symbolize these 1 in 6 men. This campaign allows anyone to sign up for a free kit that includes free strings and picks. What a movement!