My Nonprofit Reviews

I am 36 years old my name is Jason. Growing up I had a friend named Chris.Our mothers were best friends so we were together from the crib since we were the same age. I cant really remember a time as a child when he was not a part of my life.As we grew up and went through the divorces of our parents and the pressure of having to move away from the small town where we grew up until the age of 11 or 12, we both found ourselves together again in the same school same town. our moms lived in the same apartment building. He on one side me on the other. At this point we were in highschool and 17. Ready for a new life in the real world.He got involved with an older girl from our hometown and became after awhile quite distant. I felt he was most likely obsessed with her. we didn't talk or hang out as much anymore. But as i was also busy i didn't think too much about it. One day he called me asking to go to a movie. this was such a great surprise of course i cancelled my plans and said yes. we went to a movies together, and he seemed quite happy, more so than i'd seen in a long time. we had so much fun. we got drunk before the movie and ended up not even staying to see the entire film. we walked out and went to a party at a friends house. it was the greatest time we'd had in a very long time.The next day i awoke to banging on my apartment door. It was his girl telling me i needed to come right away, that something was wrong. I followed her to his apartment and up the stairs to his room. she told me he was locked in the bathroom. I tried knocking and calling to him. I told him to please come out and talk to me. I got no answer. She then began pleading with me to break open the door. I was naturally reluctant to do this because this was his mothers home and i did not ant to damage the door. but the sound of her voice and the way she looked scared the hell out of me. I decided i had to get the door open. I called out one more time to him telling him to move away from the door. I braced and then kicked as hard as i could right beside the doorknob. The door flew open and Chris was lying near the door. The image i saw then will live inside me for the rest of my life. It was a stark whit apartment bathroom. Harsh flourescent lights. The very first thing i noticed was the smell. Also something i will never forget. It was the smell of gunpowder and blood. it looked like a scene from a horror movie. Chris was lying near the door in a heap of laundry. The contrast of the red blood against the white walls was overwhelming. There was a shotgun lying next to him. I noticed he was making small sound from his throat. But most of the side of his head was just gone. I fell to my knees and i think i was screaming but i cant remember. I touched his arm and i freaked. I ran out as fast as i could......These are the things i remember from that day. i was 17 then and that day has affected my life so totally that ive been with depression and suicidal thoughts ever since. It's still so fresh in my mind. About seven years later in 1998 or 99 i found out about hopeline while at warped tour. off and on through the years i've had to call the number and rely on them to back me away from the edge. It never failed me. they were always there. Like a friend in the darkness always getting me through. I'm 36 now and in some small measure i owe my life to hopeline!!!

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