My 30 year old son took his own life in February this year, 2013. It was sudden and unexpected, with no specific reason. We were all absolutely devastated. As his Mother I felt in utter turmoil with no one to talk to who understood. I found the Alliance of Hope forum while looking on the internet desperately seeking some kind of comfort. I had never been on a forum before so did not know what to expect. it is so hard to describe how the forum has helped. It exceeds all expectations. I am sure I am healing better because of it. I honestly feel as if I have met sincere genuine friends, who understand the complex emotions, the torment, the shock and the intense pain we feel. All aspects of our lives are affected. The moderators are exceptional and have listened and replied to my mixed up thoughts. I am not judged, I am heard. We are all suffering this intense grief in different ways and to be able to express our feelings whenever we want and have replies from people who care is wonderfully healing. The forum is a haven of understanding, hope and love and I thank them from the bottom of my heart.
My husband killed himself in May this year after facing a personal crisis Despite knowing he was suffering from depression I was completely and utterly side blinded by his decision to die. He left me in a living nightmare, struggling to cope with my new reality, while at the same time attempting to keep the lives of my two children as normal as possible. While I had support around me no one "understood" what I was dealing with, how I was feeling. I started to think I was going crazy, that his death would kill me. My sister pointed me to the alliance of hope and it has been a lifeline. Knowing that other people are going through the same rollercoaster of emotions is reassuring, and realising that people not only survive this hell but go on to be happy again is incredibly hopeful. They have been absolutely invaluable to me during this time. Today is another bad day, and I have again turned to the site to share how I'm feeling to understand if other people are facing the same battles. I know I will get support and guidance - and that I will continue to do so in the months, and possibly years to come.
This site was very helpful to me after becoming a suicide survivor. It has brought me comfort in times when very few other things could. The people here have helped me understand my feelings, validated both how I feel and how there is a future when I could not see a future. It has been a lifeline. A place to go where people have been in your shoes and people understand your pain.
I came to this site after my husband ended his life. I did not know where to go for help as there are no support groups in my area and I desperately needed help. The site put me in touch with others in my situation, it turned out to be a real life line and led me to a path of forgiveness through greater understanding of what brings someone to take their own life. To be able to forgive my husband has been very healing for me and to understand that it was not a free choice he made has brought comfort in the darkest of times.
This site challenges myths about suicide and provides essential information and connections to others. I do not know what I would have done without it.
My dear Brother ended his life - I had no idea he was in such a desperate state. I struggled for months trying to come to terms with his decision - I was not coping.
Finding the Alliance of Hope was my saving grace - my rock, my anchor. The one place I could come and express myself without judgement and be heard. A place where I felt safe and understood.
It didn't take long to realise I was not alone and that gave me great comfort and determination to heal. Not one suicide is the same, not one story is the same.
What we do share has been brought about by something so tragic, it's too difficult to put into words. We share a common path. It is in walking that path together - that I have moved foward and am starting to heal. I have a long way to go, but I have also come a long way.
I lost my beautiful husband in June and a few days after this life changing event I found this forum. Through this forum I was able to reach out to people who understood what I was/am going through. Its filled with very loving and understanding people.
This forum has been a blessing for me in the darkest time of my life. Sometimes you just have to talk to people who have been through a similar situation and this place is full of kind, warm and understanding folk who always have time to help a newcomer.
It's a good site. I have a friend who committed suicide about 2 months ago, and it's helped to go on there and talk to other survivors.
On May 27th of 2013 my roommate, best friend and the Love of my life took her own life. I was utterly and completely devastated. The days that followed seemed to get worse instead of better. Life was looking darker and darker as each hour passed. I thought there was no end in sight and no hope at all left for me.
That following Saturday, I found The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors. Hesitant, I browsed through the postings. I saw pain. I saw sorrow and grief beyond what a normal human being should be expected to bear. There were many other poor souls who had gone through a similar experience to mine. I became intrigued by their stories and decided to join. I am so glad I did.
At the advice of others on the site I did join a counseling group in my local area. They were somewhat helpful but limited in the times they were available. This is not the case with The Forum. There have been many times, depressed and sliding downhill, I have posted my feelings in the middle of the night. More often than not, I soon received a response. This was perhaps someone else feeling the same at the time but, nonetheless, a response. It was someone to talk to when nothing else was available to me. I cannot even begin to tell you how much that meant to me.
Since my time on The Forum, I have begun to heal. I have found hope in other’s words and offered some of my own healing techniques. I have gained so much from this resource. Looking back, I honestly do not believe I would be where I am today without this site. Today, I am a survivor.
I am so happy I found The Alliance as it truly is what it’s name states… an alliance of people who have suffered great loss and are seeking out assistance on their road to recovery. Warriors, so to speak. Warriors fighting a battle together as one that know we will win this war
Thank you Alliance of Hope… thank you for saving my life and bringing back my reason to move forward.
I lost my beautiful son Nicholas, July 12, 2013 to suicide. He was a beautiful outgoing man who I thought was happy with life. He had a beautiful wife and was expecting their first child. His wife told him they were expecting on Wednesday and Nicholas killed himself that Friday night by stabbing himself while he was in the shower. I will never forget being at work as an RN in an emergency room and that message being left on my voicemail. As a mother looking in from the outside, he showed no signs of depression or suicidal ideations. Nicholas had just taken me out for my birthday that Monday and his father had been down to see him the Saturday before his death. I cannot even begin to describe the anguish, dispair and shock. Nicholas left behind a sister who loved him dearly and the family is still trying to recover. Nicholas and Heather were nine months apart and were extremely close. My heart will never recover. If Nicholas could only have seen how much he was loved by the number of people that came to his funeral. If he had only leaned on those that loved him the most. My life has been changed forever and I try to stay strong to help his sister recover who is in therapy at this time. She has had so much tragedy in one year with loosing a baby in March, a brother in July and her dog of 12 years in August.
We hold on to our faith in God that he will help us recover from this huge loss in our lives. Nothing can ever replace the loss of my child in my heart but I believe God will help us recover in our sadness.
My 18 year old son passed by his own hand 8 months ago .. i found the Alliance of Hope recently and in them have found a place of support and compassion by other survivors that all to sadly, know the grief and loss of purpose that i feel, through the loss of a loved one to suicide..
i live in rural Australia and do not have access to specialist suicide counselling and support. In the Alliance of Hope i have found "a place of sacred connection". I am not alone anymore!!
I feel so lucky to find this website. I feel like people around me even my family didn't really know what I've been through. I found this website when I can't sleep the other night. I find that this website is really helpful for me. Please keep the good work.
It has been almost six months since my husband took his own life in our apartment. It took me a little less than a month to seek out the Alliance of Hope, and I truly don't know what I would have done without this organization. As soon as I posted on the forum, the moderators and other members were there for me in a way only other people who have experienced this kind of loss can be. I have connected with other members in a more personal way since, and I never would have met them without the forum provided by the Alliance of Hope.
This is an organization with a heart. I have never felt anything but the most loving and encouraging support from the members, moderators, and from Ronnie Walker, who founded the organization.
Its exactly 6 months since the love my life took her life in our home. I Found her, got her down and had to perform CPR. We then went through 4 days sitting beside her bedside in Intensive Care before the decision was made to remove life support. She passed shortly after.
Suicide is surrounded by Taboo and many people are reluctant to talk about it or recognize the complicated grief and stress it creates. 6 Months later I still have nightmares and dreams. The only place of comfort is in the presence of other survivors. All of a sudden the weight of silence is lifted and you can talk. it was a lonely 5 months before i found the site.
I found the Alliance of Hope by accident and find myself on there everyday. i have connected with several members and use the private message function to communicate with them. Its a place where you don't feel judged and you can express whats inside that you cannot anywhere else. The statistics show that a person who has lost someone to suicide is 400% more likely to consider suicide. However being able to talk openly in the alliance of hoopoe forum has been a god send.
I lost my beautiful dearly loved daughter to suicide April 2013. My life as I knew it stopped the moment the police officer told me. I felt as if my life was falling apart and I was desperate for help, some sort of support. I found that help 4 days after she died; it was on The Alliance of Hope forum. I can honestly say it was and continues to be my life line. Connecting with others who knew exactly what I was going through and who reached out to me when I so needed it and are still there, who always respond when i post. I have even found comfort in replying to others when they post. Many on this forum, although we have never met, I now feel close to.
My partner took his life 13 weeks ago today. It was the most shocking and traumatic experience I have ever had to deal with. In those first few weeks I felt so lost and confused and needed lots of information to help give me some sense of direction. I read books on suicide and grief, began counselling, and then stumbled across the Alliance of Hope website. It was a huge relief to find this community, and to realize I wasn’t alone in my grief. Deaths by suicide have a couple of extra “twists” that are not shared by deaths from illness or accident. For me those “twists” – guilt and a sense of failure - are added complications to my grieving and my ability to process my loved one’s tragic death. This website lets me explore those complicated feelings and thoughts, and well as all the normal emotions associated with the sudden death of my partner, in a safe and supportive environment. All the members here (and there are sadly so very many of us) have lost someone we love to suicide. It is anonymous, caring, supportive, understanding, compassionate and non-judgemental. They continue to provide the hope I need, as I learn to live with his loss, and slowly rebuild my shattered life.
not yet 7 months for me, this site has been a lifepreserver for me. engaging with others, ones who have been through the same thing has meant the difference between being a person left out in the world not feeling normal to feeling my feelings are really normal for the complicated grief i have gone through. for us left behind by such a horrific sad voluntary means to lose someone there are more than just grief but regrets and guilt. we are sad and angry and are able to express all of our moods a click away. also we have understanding moderators available . please help them keep up the good work as a healing place.
Its been 7 and a half months since love of my life died i am only 20 year old but i saw and experienced things which no one ever wish to...when i was walking all alone in the darkest path of my life this forum was the light which guided me and still guides me the way ahead to live to strive..Its been very painful to hear people accusing me , misunderstanding me i thought no one existed who understands me but joining this site helped me to find the most compassionate people , struggling hard to overcome the piercing pain which we have been put through. Its a great site where we can interact share and talk about the person we loved and everyone will read it with feeling...as said "you understand things clearly when you have experienced it" so for those who are walking on this unwanted path..this site helps miraculously...it gave me the reason to keep my loved one alive with in me.....
This board has been a huge help to me as I work through a life event that no one should have to experience. It brings clarity to a chaotic event and comfort to know that others feel the same way when their lives take the same unexpected turn. The board provides solace and hope for those who are suffering the worst of all losses.
My husband committed suicide on Dec 23, 2012. Talk about one's life changing in an instant. Nothing will ever be the same. Since then I have been in therapy and participated in various support groups here in my hometown. Of all the sources of support I have been a part of, Alliance of Hope has done the most for me on this journey. I could go on for hours about AOH and have to my friends, family and mental health professionals who are part of my life. Reading and hearing other people's stories have been such a source of comfort. There is always someone avaIlable 24/7. I do not feel as alone as I would without AOH. The people who are part of the forum are also incredible individuals.
I lost my husband August 16,2012 to suicide. I was devastated, not only by the loss of the man I'd shared the past 19 years with, but also by being a witness to his death. I had wonderful support in the early days from family, friends and clergy, but there was always a component missing from the comfort they could provide and that was the understanding that can only come from someone whose been there, whose walked through the fire and come out the other side alive. I often think of the survivors of suicide as the 'walking wounded.' It was the Alliance of Hope website that provided that comfort, support, and understanding that had been missing from other sources. I credit the lion's share of the recovery I've made to this forum, even over the individual sessions I spent with a grief counselor.
Alliance of Hope has been a true blessing to me!
My fiance completed suicide May 17, 2011. I spiraled downward. I found this site sometime within the first month, and it has helped me to continue moving through this life without him. The understanding is genuine. It comes from people who know the pain, because they have lived it. The ups and the downs, they understand. I would not have made is as far as I have without this site and support. It has truly been instrumental in my life over the last "almost" two years.
I lost my fiance on May 17, 2011 to suicide. I felt alone and isolated in my pain. My friends and family were compassionate, but could never totally understand the devastation I suffer. Alliance of Hope has given me just that - HOPE! At a time in my life when I thought that the only way to get through this was to join him, the people here supported me and gave me the boost I needed to continue through the grief instead of shutting down from it. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary since my fiance passed, and I can honestly say without the support of this forum, I am not very sure that I would be here to write about them. They still keep me going, these people who totally understand my pain and offer hope.
Since losing my son to suicide six months ago, the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors forum has been an absolute lifeline for me. My daughter found the site soon after my son died and, although I looked at other sites, I felt that this site was the most helpful to me as it not only gives people in similar tragic situations the opportunity to express their feelings and grieve their loved ones without fear of judgement or ridicule, but it provides information on how to obtain help and advice, and other sources of support in the form of books, articles and websites.
I have found it extremely difficult to access specialist counselling in my area, and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to talk to people on the forum at any time of the day or night - many of whom have gone through this traumatic experience some time ago and still come to the forum to help and advise people like me, providing guidance and comfort unselfishly.
God bless all of these kind people and Ronnie Walker - I don't know where I would be without them now.
I lost someone dear to me to suicide just over six week ago. I found this forum by searching in Google. I'm so glad I discovered this community. People on the forum are compassionate, insightful, practical and have unique, lived experience and understanding of the aftermath of suicide. Participating in this online community is helping to keep me sane and to have a sense of purpose as I get through each day. As I write this review, I am becoming tearful, because I am just so grateful to have the forum as a light in this horrible time.
I lost my husband to suicide two months ago and have been so thankful to have found this website/forum. Realizing that so many people are also going through this (and have made it much further than I have so far) has been as comforting as anything can be right now.
I lost my partner to suicide not quite four months ago. The victim's advocate at my local police department provided me with a list of resources, and this forum was one of those resources. A loss to suicide is unlike any other loss, there are so many different emotions that one feels, often all at the same time. I am fortunate in that there is a Survivors of Suicide support group in my city, but I know that not everyone going through this type of loss has that available to them. This online community has been my lifeline at times. I have felt such acceptance here. It's beyond helpful to know that others are walking in my shoes, and are here to support me and help me along in this journey. It's also helpful to me to try to be of assistance to others whose journey may be just beginning.
My brother died on Jan 5, 2013 of suicide - at only 35 years old. He left behind 3 sisters and 3 boys who loved him very much. I stumbled across this site and it has been a lifesaver for me. This has been the only place I have been able to go where I have gotten almost immediate responses to my posts and all were so very kind and helpful. All of the resources also available on the site are just so valuable. Without this site I don't know where I would be right now and I say that even as I have my own counselor. The people here are so loving and caring and truly understand the excruciating pain suicide brings to the remaining family. I am so very grateful for this safe place I can go -- anytime of the night or day -- and have complete understanding and virtual hugs and encouragement from everyone here. Words truly cannot express how much help I have gotten here.
It has only been 37 days since our grandson committed suicide - I was so shocked at how many people are going through exactly what I am. Just wanted to share this:
When you have come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen, There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
I am still on this journey of acceptance but with the help of the members of this site hopefully I will get there. Thank you.
My fiancé completed suicide on Christmas Night 2012. As you can imagine my life was shattered and the crushing ache from his absence still at times makes me unable to breathe. One night while deep in despair I accidentally found this website. It literally has saved my life. The comfort as well as the expertise has been so inspirational. I have been on other sights, however, nothing compares with this. I also love that they have a clergy component, psychologists and other professionals. I for one wish to contribute to this forum as the moderators know and have survived. I have hope now still lots of sadness but some hope.
My 24 year-old son died of suicide March 10, 2012. It's been almost a year now since that awful day my young son grabbed a shotgun from our gun safe, one hollow point slug and walked across a field next to our house and into some woods, put the barrel under his chin and pulled the trigger. My wife (Pat's loving step-Mom) found his body the next day. The worst day of our lives. So much pain, grief, confusion, surreal scenes and dis-belief. The raw human emotions my boy must have been going through moments before he died. The raw human emotion his mother, step-mother, brother and sisters and I have been dealing with ever since. I found this site about 3 months after my son died. I can tell you that what this forum and on-line friends have done for me is nothing short a miracle. The AOH community has helped me to understand the human aspect of this grief. Of what to expect and understand that I’m not crazy –just a human being that was crushed emotionally by a most horrible and unbelievable event in mine and my families lives. I have long ways to go, but w/ the gentle guidance of the moderators and friends I have here, I know I can continue to survive and move forward in this new life of mine w/o my son. The most important reality for me is that, because of all I’ve gleaned from this site, I can think of my boy and not be tainted by the way he died, but just that he is dead now and I can smile, feel his love and move on.
In the most real way, AOL has helped me to find my life again. I am forever grateful for their on-going service to me and my well being.
My lovely, beautiful, caring man took his own life 5 weeks ago. Within my madness I came across this forum about 3 weeks ago. I can honestly say that I don't think I would still be here if I hadn't. The chance to share all of the events and emotions of this difficult journey with people that understand is invaluable. The genuine care and support of the people on this forum shines through with such a positive light. All I can say is thank you, thank you and thank you again. This has been more valuable than counselling and all of the support of friends that are lovely but have never been here.
Forty years ago my boyfriend, a Vietnam vet, killed himself a couple of days after I broke up with him. We loved each other deeply but there was no help back then for vets with PTSD and I got overwhelmed. I was so young and alone when I lost him, I felt my feelings were a landmine that could kill me if I went too close. One night in January 2013 my feelings started rising inside me like he'd just killed himself and alone in the Rockies far from any big city, I googled "my boyfriend killed himself after I broke up with him" and it brought me right to the Alliance of Hope where someone else had uttered those words. In the three weeks since I joined the Alliance of Hope, I have been able to find and express my feelings among people who understand, who listen and respond, who are patient, encouraging, caring and share my experience. Alliance of Hope is a miracle in the wilderness where I carried my burden of guilt and grief.
My 25 year old son took his life in April 2012. I found this forum 1 month later. It has been my lifeline. I am here every day reading and responding to others posts. The ability to communicate, in a non-judgemental way, with people who truely understand what I am going through is such an integral part of my journey. I thank you for this forum.
My son took his own life in April 2012 and I found this site one month later. The other survivors on the forum took me into their arms and provided more support than I have received anywhere else. I have a living family who have also lost this beautiful young man, but this forum is where I go to "talk" whith other moms who have loved their sons and know what I am going through. It has and will continue to be been a comfort to me.
After my son passed I sought help from a therapist and two face to face support groups. My therapist had treated only one other suicide survivor and that had been several years ago. One of the face to face bereavement groups was made up of older people who had lost their loved ones from natural causes or from illness. I just could not relate to this group, I didn't fit in. Losing my son by way of suicide was different. The second group was a specific group for suicide survivors. I could relate to this group, buy it only met one time a month. A meeting one time enough was not enough to help me sort through all the anguish I was having. Seven months after my son passed I came across The Alliance of Hope. I vividly remember sitting at my computer and absolutely balling my eyes out as I read posts, posts that I could have written because I felt what these people were feeling. Gathering my courage, I wrote my first post. There was a response within minutes....and I cried. Tears from being able to tell MY STORY and to have others reach out and respond with understanding. I had been like a woman drowning an now someone had come and grabbed my head up out of the water. I could breathe again. The Alliance Of Hope provided me an outlet, a way to process my grief. The Alliance Of Hope is helping me to live again.
I lost my dad to suicide in Oct. of this past year. I very much needed an outlet/sounding board for my grief, Alliance of Hope has given me that and so much more. I have found/made friends with people who are going through the same exact thing in their lives. Having access to people who can help/I can help through this painful journey has been priceless.
I posted a simple paragraph about the loss of my sister and how I was feeling. I needed a place to go with my saddness and confusion. Not only did this website provide a place for me to express my profound heartache appropiately, the swift response and understanding proved to be amazingly healing and consoling.I continue to come here on the hardest days because it helps me to get through them. This is the best counseling for me because I don't have to make an appointment, or leave my house. The feedback is from people who care and have been in my shoes.
I found the alliance of hope shortly after the loss of my husband, it has been my life-line, the most amazing tool , it has very useful information that us survivors need in the early days , and plenty of support and comfort to assist us with our healing .
When my best friend killed herself in October of this year, I just did not know what to do. I have a lot of support but I wanted to find some online help as well. It took me a few days of reading to finally register, but I am really glad I did. Everyone was very warm and comforting. I am agnostic and I definitely felt very welcomed, like there was a place for me here. People were very gentle with me and reassured me that everything I was feeling was normal. Reading about others' experiences and comforting others has been a huge source of comfort for me. Losing someone to suicide is very different from a natural or accidental death, and everyone on the board understands that. I have seen nothing but compassion for others there, and it has been a godsend. I cannot imagine how I would have ever gotten through this so far without this board. So many people surviving a loved one's suicide have no support, and not only does this board provide that, but it also shows that people can heal, and have hope for happiness in the future.
My name is Kathy and my husband completed suicide 2 years ago. Although I found endless support from close friends and family, nothing compared to sharing your feelings with others who have experienced such an experience. The support, wisdom and care I found on Alliance of hope was amazing. I am from Malta, a very small humble island in the mediterranean. Although there are endless support groups, there is nothing related to losing someone to suicide. So when I was browsing the net and came across this site and started reading posts shared by survivors, I felt like I could finally relate. I finally spoke to people without getting worried of being judged. Sharing your experience and listening to others advice certainly was very positive for me. This forum is a blessing and a place where I found solace. Away from the busy outside world. The way this forum has been set up is great. It is not only a place to share your grief and heart break, it is also a place where you can share your accomplishments during the process of healing. Losing a loved one to suicide, leaves us with very complex grief, unanswered questions, shock and guilt. My fellow survivors at the Alliance of hope, helped me accept my situation further and also helped me with certain grief issues I had. The Alliance is not just a place I visit when I'm down and at my wits end, but it is a place of comfort for me and is becoming like a small second family for me. It has also motivated me to get the ball rolling to perhaps get a suicide survivor group going here. The Alliance of hope forum is something very special, it is reaching people from all over the world and all aspects of life. Today I am doing very well, I am in love with a fantastic man and thankful for having my precious daughter. I still feel the need to visit the forum, and would also like to continue visiting the forum. It has done nothing but good for me. Thank you Alliance of hope xxx
I have no family or friends who care to listen to me. They expect you to get over it, and it makes them uncomfortable, and listening to a survivor of suicide is one of the most/if not THE most IMPORTANT parts of their healing. The need to talk about it is overwhelming and crucial. This site has taken the place of that lack in my life. My husband took his life almost a year ago, and this site has been my life-line and a great source of information. To be able to communicate with others who truly understand and who encourage and help you along the way is a lifesaver.
This website is the perfect tool to start the healing process.I lost my younger brother to suicide in Oct 12 and don't know what I would of done if I hadn't come across it.
After my husband died by suicide, I began to search for information. I found The alliance of Hope one night and proceeded to read it for 7 hours. the stories are sad but the insight and understanding is invaluable. The moderators provide sincere comments and thoughts. They have helped to see that I am not alone which means so much.
As a recent survivor of suicide loss, this forum has helped me begin the long journey of getting through a monumental emotional task. My son killed himself in September 2012. I live in a rural area and despite seeking out resources, there are no support groups in my county. The nearest one is 2 hours away and not at a convenient time. Sure, there are therapists that I could go to for individual counseling, but I wanted the connection of others who have suffered through the same thing and could affirm my feelings of loss without judgement or stigma association. The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors offers me comfort, community and healing energy. I strongly support it's existence and continued efforts.
My 19 yo son committed suicide on his birthday in 2000. I have not been able to find help to grieve. The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors has given me a nonjugmental avenue to express my feelings and provided hope to continue healing.
My husband committed suicide on August 11, 2012. I never thought that he would do that to me or the children and grandchildren. The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Providers has greatly helped me through this grief process. This forum allows communication with those that understand exactly what you are going through without having to completely explain your feelings.
The forum provides the support to get through this difficult time because it provides the opportunity to connect with others experiencing similar situation. By being able to connect and communicate with other survivors I do not feel alone and I am and able to validate that the roller coaster of emotions, especially the guilt, is normal. This site is also a life line because since this experience is so difficult to bear at times, can have suicidal feeling; but by connecting with other survivors that share this suicidal feeling I am able to realize that this too is a normal feeling and that gives me the strength to hold on until the feeling passes away. Having a forum that connects survivors is criticsl because other people are unable to understand if they have never experienced suicide. If someone does not understand, then will be unable to support. People who have not experienced suicide expect survivors to be over the grief in too short a period of time. They do not understand that it takes much longer because we are not able to even begin to really grieve until after we get through all the other enotions and phases, such as, the guilt, wanting to know the answers to why, and replaying the what if/ would have/ should have games. Our minds are constantly being pulled into these unproductive games and until we reach a place where we are able to let go of all these questions, then our minds are unable to begin dealing with the real grief-the sense of loss. Other people do not understand and therefore place too much pressure on us to "get over it". By coming to this forum we are able to realize that nothing is wrong with us when we are not over it yet.
My name is Angie and my Daughter Jessica hung herself in a parked that she loved . Jessica jumped from a tree that ended her life.. That was in June 2011. I found this form a year later. It has helped me in ways i can't describe. its a private place that i can go and say how i feel without judgment. i will be donating to this cause as soon as i get my own finaces in order. I know that there are so many of us that need this and it would be a shame to let it all go now.. May all be blessed. thankyou, Jessica and Christopher's mom, Angie
I was wondering how to deal with a family suicide and started surfing the web. I found some new agey, touchy feely type website that just made me feel awful; as soon as I saw the seagulls I knew I was in trouble. Then I found the Alliance of Hope website. Their tone is compassionate without being cloying or maudlin, and they calmly allow you to discuss the diferent feelings you may be having. With the stigma attached to suicide it's important that quality resources like this site remain available to those in need.
In July I received the news that my only sibling and baby brother had made the choice to end his life. Aside from being the first loss for me (of a loved one) it was so much more. More than words can express - I was lost, grief stricken, full of raw emotions that were so unfamiliar to me. Still 3 months later I experience these same feelings. Several weeks after my loss I found The Alliance of Hope forum - WHAT a saving grace! In my day to day life no one person around me understood the profound loss I had just experienced. I do not know one other person to loose a loved one to suicide - so for those people they did not know what to say or how to support me. I heard so much cliche' stuff and even some very hurtful statements from well intention people...but no one knew the horrible sadness around loosing someone you love to suicide. To think day in and day out that someone you love SO much made a choice to leave you and leave in such a state of shock and endless pain is boggling to the mind. Add this to the manner in which my brother decided to end his life - the vision of a loved one with gun shot wounds is nothing your mind is supposed to ever attempt to process. The grief, the loneliness, the helplessness, the confusion, the anger, all of the raw emotion you suddenly have but do not understand what to do with it...I found the support I needed right in this forum. Beautiful and loving people that wrapped me in love and support and knew exactly how I felt. Just being able to talk to someone that truly understands the depth of your sorrow eases some of the pain. I can never ever put into words what this forum has done for me as a sister, a wife, a mother, a daughter, and now an only child. Thank you Alliance of Hope for being right there when I need you most!
My husband took his life in June of this year. Although, I've been in counseling snd have the support of family and friends, it wasn't enough. I wss missing contact with others who understood what it was like to lose a spouse to suicide. I found what i needed at Alliance for Hope and for that I'm grateful!!!
I lost my beautiful daughter 18 months ago, she was 28, she was my baby and I miss her so much. I know I could not, would not have survived without the amazing forum "Alliance of Hope" and the wonderful caring, understanding and compassionate people in it. I am now able, at times, to offer hope to others who have lost a loved one in such tragic and lonely circumstances.
I lost my precious daughter to suicide a year ago, she was just 28 years old and it has been a very long hard painful journey with lots of very low moments when I wondered whether I could carry on with my own life. Without the Alliance of Hope my year would have been far worse and maybe I wouldn't even still be here. The forum is full of wonderful caring understanding people who are on the same journey so we never need to feel so alone. I have made some very special friends who I probably will never meet but I feel like they are like my family. All I can say is thanks to the Alliance of Hope from the bottom of my heart. I love you all.
My husband recently committed suicide and I searched the internet for others in my situation who would understand and encourage me. I found the Alliance of Hope forum for suicide survivors and I visit nearly every day. I found what I was looking for, fellow travelers on the journey of healing from the effects of the suicide of a loved one, and a well-monitored forum where all voices are heard and responded to with love and understanding.
When my father committed suicide, I was at a complete loss for how to move on, where I would end up or how to begin living my life without him. I found this site, the forum, and the incredible people who are honestly the strongest people I've ever talked to, and I'd quickly realized that I had also found my salvation. It's only been fifteen days since I'd lost my daddy to this tragedy, but my sisters and I have found so much help from everyone involved in this unbelievable site. I have never been so grateful for anything in my entire life as I am for this site. You have saved my life, and I know it won't be an easy road, but I really have found hope to move on from the biggest tragedy I've ever had to face in my entire life.
This site has been so valuable, especially as a survivor on this particular subject matter..it provides many subject matters that are exclusive to survivors, especially because the experiences are shared by the survivors themselves, as well as other resources. I would venture to say that this site has probably saved more lives than it realizes.
I will always be thankful that such a website exists. So full of caring and concerned people who are really genuine with what they say and they know and understand what everyone is feeling - the sudden loss, the emptiness, grieving but most of all, giving the new survivor that warmth and hope.
I am the survivior of multipe suicides. My mother, brother, sister and uncle all killed themselves in one way or another. Only one left a note, my mother. In it she said we were all "good little angels." She shot herself through the heart when I was almost 5 years old. My sister died of alcoholism at age 43 and my brother starved himself to death at age 47. My uncle drank himself to death when he was also in his 40's. This organization has helped me realize that it is okay to talk about suicide. I feel safe here. I find that most people find out you are a survivor of suicide and say they are so sorry and then change the topic. Maybe, we NEED to talk about it, so let's not shove it under the rug. This forum allows you to do just that!
This site has comforted me in my darkest hours. Now that I am on the path to recovery I thought I would share the letter I posted on their site this morning in the hope others will find The Alliance of Hope Forum: --->Hello
This is such an important site and one I have frequented often. After my husband took his life 19 months ago I read every post on this site and would check daily for any new postings. My log in name was Cynth. Many changes have occurred in my life since S took his life in the beautiful barn he'd just built. Since I took a long break from posting on this site I'm reintroducing myself • since I'm a different person now I'm Cyn, a survivor of suicide.
Let me first say my heart goes out to each and every one of you. For those struggling with the simple but sometimes impossible tasks of getting out of bed and greeting the new day, I wish you hope. Life can regain its meaning - don't give up. A friend told me recently to "just stand" - sometimes that is the accomplishment, no matter how dark the days and nights can be - just hold on - just stand.
What's changed in my life? Almost everything. I lost my husband, I sold the house, his family is lost to me now too, my brother's ex-in-laws were lost to a murder/suicide, my job went from full-time with benefits to part-time, I lost the circle of friends we had, and I had to find a new home for my dog since he needed a full-time companion.
What have I gained (besides weight)? Compassion, understanding, survival skills, a new love, a new home, new friends, bone-deep sadness, and a renewed resolve to make a difference in the world.
This summer I paddled in PaddlePower (Paddlepower.org) and walked in "Out of the Darkness" in Newport, Vermont. In Newport they had the modest goal of hoping to raise $5000 and one month later they've raised over $30,000. Both organizations are aimed at suicide prevention and awareness. I met many folks dealing with the aftermath of suicide and have shared many sad moments with strangers.
Will I ever completely recover from this tragedy? I suspect I will feel heartbroken when I think about S. He was a good and decent man. He was tormented by depression/anxiety and alcoholism & drug abuse. When I look up at the stars I say a little prayer for him and hope he is at peace.
I best be getting my day started. I want to thank you all for taking the time to write and post your messages. I believe we can help each other. You've all helped me, especially on those nightmare days when I struggled to "just stand".
Wishing you peace & hope, Cyn
I lost my mum to suicide 8 weeks ago on 29th July 2012. She had bipolar and was in a UK psychiatric hospital where her death occurred. A great shock to myself and family she was a lovely caring woman. I was left with immense guilt, remorse and sadness with lots of if only's and what ifs going around and around. I stumbled across this website when I realised that there was no suicide berevament support group closeby. I have found it most helpful. Whilst it is not nice to know that other people have suffered such a tragic loss it helps to know that the feelings after the event are pretty much universal.
Finding this website and the connections with in have been a gift beyond belief. To have a site and forum to share, cry and support fills a void for those who found themselves in this new survivor role. Although we have different story's and history's come form all parts of the world, this safe haven of support allows welcoming place to grieve
My daughter died of an overdose 6 months ago.Although i am a health professional (with an interest in mental health) in the UK., I have found it difficult to discuss my feelings and emotions with relatives and other people.The site allows us to do that and you feel that you are all in the same boat but at different destinations in the journey
Suicide prevention has been a important component of the mental health profession for some time. Helping those impacted by suicide has not been as widely addressed. Alliance of Hope is an organization that focuses precisely on that. Having had been close to several suicides as a young teen I can with certainty say that I would have benefitted from support from the confusion and sadness that I was left with. Also watching my mother arrive home after assisting a suicide hotline made me even more aware of the devastation suicide can leave others with. The work and dedication this organization provides is an invaluable resource for many people who are seeking to rebuild after the emotional trauma of suicide.
Two years ago I lost my uncle to Suicide and it has been very hard emotionally for myself to deal with because I feel like I can't talk about my uncle with my family. It was almost as if he had just disappeared from our lives. But maybe since this was my second time losing someone to suicide i was somehow able to cope. Or so i thought. I was on the internet a few weeks ago and somehow I came acrossed the Alliance of Hope website and at first I thought well I'll read a few post and move on because this isn't a place for me. Well I was wrong to say the least I stayed on the site for at least three hours the first night. I felt so " apart of this family." Once you get on this site and realize how many others were effected by the same tragic loss that you had to experience you find some comfort. When I read other posts on the site it was almost like I was reading my own words. This site is amazing and I have told EVERYONE about it. I am truly thankful for the Alliance of Hope website. It has been a blessing.
After my husband his suicide I was searching for counselors with experience in grieve counseling in my area. After calling the first 15 on the list provided by my health insurance I still came up empty handed. I was desperate for help and came across the Alliance of Hope website by accident. This forum has been a lifesaver for me. No matter how down, frustrated, sad or angry I get, I always seem to find just the right post that helps me deal with the emotions I am experiencing at that time. I am amazed how genuine the members are and how caring. As a relative new member I almost feel compelled to reply to other newcomers. I want them all to know how this forum had helped me and that I am sure that it will do the same for them.
My twin brother's suicide brought me to my knees. Finding the Alliance of Hope Forum has been a lifeline for me. The ability to share the very complex feelings associated with suicide has helped me to heal and allowed me to share what I am learning with others. The blogs and information provided by the website are excellent resources.
A few weeks after I lost my twin brother to suicide I found The Alliance of Hope Forum. Losing someone to suicide is a horrendous experience, but the site provides comfort in sharing feelings and concerns with others who are on the same difficult journey. I don't know where I would be without that support.