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Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors

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Nonprofit Overview

Causes: Counseling, Mental Health

Mission: Kindness matters, and to the more than 5 million people around the world who lose a loved one to suicide each year, it matters a lot. We provide healing and compassionate support during the lonely and tumultuous aftermath of suicide. We help people survive suicide loss, and go beyond "just surviving," to lead productive lives filled with meaning and joy.

Results: Every day, people write to say the Alliance of Hope is their "lifeline" or "saved my life." Since 2008, more than 15,000 people have joined our forum, exchanging more than 375,000 communications. It is estimated that for each member who actively participates in our forum, 7 to 10 others read and get value, but do not join or post.

Target demographics: Survivors of Suicide loss

Direct beneficiaries per year: In 2018 we hosted more than 15,000 survivors of suicide loss (and directly served 2,237 new survivors) on our online forum, which operates as a 24/7 support group. Every day, approx. 7 newly bereaved survivors join the forum, and more than 500 tap in for support. Our website hosted millions of visits from people seeking information and support in the complex emotional aftermath of suicide. We also answered hundreds of calls and emails requests for information and support from survivors, clinicians, students, media, and the general public.

Programs: Alliance of Hope is the leading online resource for people bereaved by suicide. Our services are developed and supervised by Ronnie Susan Walker, a licensed mental health practitioner. They are anchored in best practices, and answer a need not served by any other organization. Programs include: 1) Clinically moderated community forum. 2) Website with resources for new survivors, blog, bookstore, and memorial section. 3) Low-cost Skype and phone consultations for new survivors. 4) Facebook page with original content and messages of support each month.

Community Stories

413 Stories from Volunteers, Donors & Supporters

2

Client Served

Rating: 5

This site has been so helpful and instrumental in my coping with my husband's recent suicide. The warmth, understanding , sharing and helpful advice of other caring members has gotten me through many dark hours. The members understand the complicated and extraordinary grief and circumstances we are each going through and are there to help or simply to listen so you are not feeling all alone. I cannot say enough good things about it. It is especially helpful that those whose losses are more distant are there to provide encouragement and relate their experiences in things getting somewhat better as time passes. I am very grateful for this site and the way the site is moderated and organized.

3

Client Served

Rating: 5

This site has been a lifesaver for me. I lost my husband to suicide and felt as if I had no reason to live and no will to keep going. No one in my day to day life seemed to be able to relate to my grieving. Finding Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors was so overwhelmingly comforting and continues to bring me peace on a daily basis. It helps tremendously to have a place you can log onto any time day or night, weekends and weekdays, and holidays. The support is reassuring and to know you aren't alone has helped me in getting through the devastating loss. This site is absolutely wonderful and the members are so supportive of one another. It truly makes my heart happy when I log on to be able to read and reply to others who know exactly what I am going through.

2 StayGold

Client Served

Rating: 5

The AOH has proven to be a lifeline to me after I lost my son to suicide. In the aftermath of this traumatizing experience I realized that there is not much out there in terms of support for people like me - a suicide loss survivor. The AOH forum is like stepping in to a warm safe place where you can escape to a world where people TRULY understand what it's like to be a survivor.

4

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

When my husband took his life, I was broken and shocked beyond words. His death left me without my best friend, companion, love and my young children without a father. Other losses came steadily in all areas of life.
Mourning this loss is a unique and complex. I have known many losses in my life; nothing compares to this. The isolation and stigma are very real. The people I expected to be the most supportive disappeared after the last casserole dish was returned. I have learned this is not a unique experience. So, where does a devastated person turn? Thank God for the Alliance of Hope. A member quickly learns that any guilt, fear, a host of other emotions & experiences are not that unique. Not in this world. They're still painful, but what a relief to find comfort & understanding! Those who have built lives of meaning after this loss, share experiences and hope. They prove a real life is possible. Support and help are here 24/7. At some of the hardest times, holidays, the trained moderators are available for support.
There aren't enough words to express how much the Alliance of Hope means to me. How do you explain what being able to live and having hope for a full life means?

3

Client Served

Rating: 5

I lost my husband to suicide. I was going through a very difficult time when a good friend of mine suggested I find a group to connect with who have also lost someone to sucide. The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors Forum has goes above and beyond my expectations. At first I was afraid about broadcasting my personal thoughts and feelings, however, the members on the forum have been very caring, supportive, and understanding for me. They helped me feel comfortable when I did not. The members on the Forum have given me a place to share with them and they understand and know how painful my circumstances are because they have had similar experiences and can relate to my feelings. Now, I feel better in my skin and I can also send love and caring thoughts to others in need which makes me feel good about myself.

1

Client Served

Rating: 5

The forum on Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors (AOH) has proven to be a tremendous resource for me during a very difficult time in my life. I have met people on the site who have experiences similar to mine, and who have helped me in countless ways. I know there is someone to share with online virtually any hour of any day, and that person will be supportive and understanding. I have also found satisfaction in helping others as best I can. AOH is a blessing.

2

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

As the one-year anniversary of my 17-year-old son's suicide is slowly and quickly approaching, I look back and cannot be grateful enough for the lifelines I still have left. Alongside my only surviving daughter, local support groups, my psychologist and walks with a fellow suicide loss survivor, Alliance of Hope continue standing as an absolute necessity to my survival. It is only within this tiny circle that I feel safe to share this most challenging journey that have twists and turns when least expected. No other family member, friends, coworkers, etc. could even remotely understand. Some expect me to keep a stiff upper lip and move on as if life is still great and grand. This unreasonable expectation came from some almost immediately after his sudden and unexpected death. Only other suicide loss survivors can understand the horrific challenges we continue to face. The beauty of Alliance of Hope is that it is available 24/7. It allows us to find others with similar losses because those are the ones we can connect with most – each loss comes with its own set of issues. I don’t know where I would be without Alliance of Hope.

1

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

I found this site while searching for answers after I lost my son to suicide April 14, 2017. I have found this site to have many kind loving people who thru their own journey have found words of wisdom to share with me and others. To go through losing a loved one to suicide is so awful, hard and lonely. Having somewhere to go anytime of the day and reach out to others helps a little with not feeling so lonely . I am so grateful for this website!

1

Client Served

Rating: 5

I stumbled across Alliance of Hope a week after my sister took her life after doing a search for support forums for those who have lost someone to suicide. I received responses very quickly after I posted on AOH and have found all the members and moderators to be full of compassion empathy and understanding, something that is so needed when you lose a loved one in such a tragic way. I have yet to find any in person therapy or support groups close to where I live because I reside in the desert and everything is spread out and takes a long time to commute to. I am so grateful for AllianceofHope.com for making me feel so at home and cared about. There are times my grief hits me hard and it's such a comfort to have somewhere to express my sadness day or night.

1

Client Served

Rating: 5

Alliance of Hope has been like a lighthouse in the raging storm of what it is to lose someone you love to suicide. Even before I was ready to join the community I came and stayed on this site, everyday and sometimes all day, just to get me through the first three to four weeks.

I needed help. I needed understanding. I needed love, acceptance and reassurance that this experience was just as awful as I thought it was, but that I would be okay. Alliance of Hope gave me all of that and more.

It is a grace by itself, and yet that it is a free resource makes it a salvation. I am one of those who lives pay check-to-paycheck. I would never have even considered trying to find space in my budget to help me with what is a truly, near unbearable grief, because I simply wouldn't be able to afford it. I have needed this support more than I could have known and that it was available to me on this website just makes me feel lucky. Lucky to be heard. Lucky not to be alone.

I am so glad that Alliance of Hope exists. No one wishes this site was necessary, but everyday I'm grateful that it is there anyway.

2

Client Served

Rating: 5

I am so grateful for this loving, caring community. I never thought I would need to find such a group however, here I am. I have gotten so much support just from reading other's posts and from responses on posts that I have written. I don't post a lot, mainly because it is sometimes hard to find the words, but when I do, I know that there are many people that fully understand the pain and can encourage me. Without this group, I'm not sure I could cope as well as I have!

2

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

AOH has been an exceptional help for me to feel not so alone. There is nothing I could really do to thank everyone for support .
In my family we were not told what happened,just that she died.I was a child of 7,when my mother committed suicide and 3 months before took the life of my baby brother...AOL even has a special forum for murder/love suicide. Sad but so soft to land my feelings here. My dear dad had so much love and concern yet could never speak of this. Hurts to imagine his hurt. Eventually as an adult I tried to get some answers as I have never really grieved ,yet felt so tangled up inside. Finding AOL has given me a listening ear in a way not to feel so alone and that my feelings are valid and it is ok to talk of them with others in this community of sadness from loss of this kind. It's like an oasis in a desert. A sip of water to help me through some difficult feelings. Untangling my emotions after so many years is also like a breath of fresh air. I still cannot talk to anyone face to face about this, where I have tried in the past to not feeling they understand.so this gives me the privacy in some ways to face myself with kind people.

2

Client Served

Rating: 5

Alliance of Hope has been a tremendous resource for me in the aftermath of my son's suicide. The forum site is well run and moderated, which equates to making it a safe place to share. The forum members provide so much understanding and suppport that I was not finding in other places. There is even skype counseling available if you need it. This organization provides connections to other resources as well - like local support groups, books to read etc. I can not say enough positive things about Alliance of Hope. It is sad for when new members join, for the reason they have to be there, but I am glad this resource is there for them.

1 Mary487

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

I lost friends family members to suicide I think of them and miss them daily I tried many times myself but it never worked not a day goes by I xobt think of them and want to be with them but then I think of how it affected us and how my fAmily would feel how it may hurt them

2

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

My son took his life in September 2014 on what would have been his first day of high school. I found AoH about 2 months later. I watched the forum and read posts for a couple weeks and discovered there were so many people like me -- trying to heal, trying to help family members heal, trying get re-grounded. I joined a couple weeks later and have found unparalleled encouragement, support, healing, wisdom, and hope.

6

Client Served

Rating: 5

After losing our dad by suicide in January 2015, I was searching online for support groups for myself and my brother in our respective communities. I found weekly meetings in his area, but where I live meetings are only held monthly. During that search, I found Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors and joined immediately. Unfortunately a few days later, my brother also succumbed to suicide. AoH was an incredible support during those devastating days. Reading and writing posts there kept me going in the following days, weeks, and months. Alliance of Hope is an invaluable resource for the loved ones of those who die by suicide.

6

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

The only thing that has remotely helped so far. So grateful that this site exists. Losing someone you love to suicide is so isolating. This site reaches far and wide to show you, you are very much not alone.

6

Volunteer

Rating: 5

I accidently stumbled across AOH on the web after being blindsided by the suicide of my son in 2014. Everyone greeted with me with open compassionate hearts. Family, friends, and church members had no idea of what it was like to go through suicide loss. I was all alone, until I found AOH that morning. I immediately realized that yes, I could survive this and someone did understand! Here was real help & hope, not just the standard clichés you get when someone dies. And someone is always here 24/7 to reach out. I will forever be grateful to AOH.

9

Client Served

Rating: 5

I am happy to share my experiences with the life-saving nonprofit, The Alliance of Hope.
As you might expect, I experienced the greatest shock and the greatest pain of my life when my husband died. There were no warnings. He showed no classic signs of suicide, with which I am familiar. I am surrounded by a loving and supportive family. I have an excellent therapist and Doctor. But, I needed something more and I wasn't sure what that was.
In-person support groups were not an option for me.
I spent a lot of time reading articles on the possible causes of suicide, reviewed statistics, read studies. All this reading left me feeling more terrified and alone.
Somehow I tripped across this site. I was immediately relieved to learn I wasn't losing my mind, to see others truly understood.
This site is monitored 24/7 by trained moderators. There is no fee to join. You don't even have to "sign up"; you have still access to information & help. All are anonymous here. The website is concise and precise. It is easy to navigate.
The first time I posted, I was overwhelmed by the support and genuine care I received. I also learned some good tips that were easy to follow to help myself. I became a more active member, posting questions, concerns, deepest fears.
There is a lot of mystery and misinformation about suicuide. Whether it's a news report or a movie, one is lead to believe suicide results from one singular event. This adds to the confusion and horror to those directly touched by suicide.
It's right that people who are suicidal have access to immediate help and hopefully receive it.

There's one group that's overlooked - that's us. Those left behind in the wake of this tragic loss. Professionals in the medical and counseling fields often not know what to do with us or how to help. More isolation and fear is often the result.

AOH addresses the needs and concerns of us. I could find no other online resource for those who lost a loved one due to suicide.
There are many worthy nonprofits out there. But, our group is a solo group that tends to the needs to such a vulnerable group. There are no walk-a-thons or ribbons to "raise awareness" for us.
If you have lost a loved one because of suicide, this is the ONLY online resource you will need. We understand.
If you are trying to help a child, friend, coworker that has been touched by this tragedy, please visit for insight.
It is not an exaggeration to say AOH saved my life and, by extension, the lives of my children.
Thanks for reading this!

6

Client Served

Rating: 5

As is often people's experience, I found AOH at a time when I most needed a compassionate online community of people who shared my uniquely life-altering experience. I was immediately enfolded by compassion, empathy and a feeling of safety to express even my darkest emotions without judgement. Responses to my posts were generous and timely providing me with strength that I could hardly muster myself.

Members on AOH are at various points in their journeys, from the very new to many years out. I found there was/is something to be learned from each post as I read them. There is never any pressure to respond or write a post-any person is welcome to simply take what they need until they are ready to participate. Everyone can feel comfortable according to "where they are" at any particular moment.

The Alliance of Hope Forum is a collective consciousness on a shared journey to try to turn back into life after the anguish of losing a loved one to death by suicide. There is at least as much light, if not more, as there is darkness in the sharing of each person's struggles and accomplishments, large and small. It feels like hope eventually becomes part of every personal story.

The AOH Forum is moderated with professionalism and attention to all of the details surrounding a public Internet Forum. Infrequent issues that come up are addressed immediately so that members feel as secure as possible. Navigation on the site is user-friendly.

The AOH founder and Clinician, Ronnie Walker, is amazing in every way as are all staff members!

5

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

I found my brother hanging in the attic in 2012. My life fell apart. I found that when I talked to people they either walked away or didn't really understand. I discovered Alliance of Hope and find that this site is a great help at times when I am low and talking freely with people who have gone through similar experiences helps me offload and get through it. I also feel that helping others gives me a sense that I can be strong despite the trauma of surviving my loss.

5

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

My beautiful daughter completed suicide shortly before Christmas, 2015. I discovered the Alliance of Hope in January, 2016, when I was laid up, recovering from multiple surgeries. I have read their stories and listened to what others who are going through what I am, or have traveled this terrible path longer than I have. I can honestly attest that this site has kept me alive up until now, as at first I only wished to be with my deceased child. There is no way I could have made it without the knowledge and understanding of others who have lived through the aftermath of a suicide, all of us suffering these tragic losses of such dearly beloved family and friends. It is so crucial to we survivors to have a place which offers this empathy and understanding, and the Alliance of Hope surely provides that.

6

Client Served

Rating: 5

My nephew completed suicide in March 2015 and my husband in June 2015. My whole life came crashing down around me and I was devastated. I also lost friendships I thought I'd always have, I lost my home, my job, family, and I lost hope.

Out of everything I lost, hope was what I needed most. Without hope, I couldn't start again, rebuild, heal, or find a new normal. When I found the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors, I found the hope I was searching for! I also found others who understood, caring friends, and support any time of the day or night. I absolutely would not be where I am today without AOH. It is my safe place amongst the chaos of my life.

Previous Stories
7

Client Served

Rating: 5

I felt so alone. I needed support. When I found this place and the wonderful people there, I finally felt connected to others who understood my pain. I met open, honest people who share their stories in hopes of helping someone else feel better. I found acceptance, connectedness, care, and most of all; hope that I can make it through my pain like the people who have gone before me.

6

Volunteer

Rating: 5

After losing my son to suicide I was without hope of ever being able to fully join life again. Traditional therapy left me feeling a disconnect as the counselor was not familiar with the unique challenges that come with losing a loved one to suicide. I found the Alliance of Hope 6-7 months into my grief. For the first time I felt not only heard, but understood, I sobbed at that realization. The Alliance of Hope provided me a safe and caring environment to voice my grief and to honor my healing. Recently I wrote a post that summarizes my thoughts of the Alliance of Hope. "I think the beautiful and certainly unique quality of the Alliance Of Hope is that it is a living, breathing place where grieving and living come together to offer hope." I will forever be grateful to Ronnie Walker for her vision and hope.




5

Client Served

Rating: 5

I lost my wife to suicide earlier this year. A friend found and mentioned Alliance of Hope to me. The Alliance of Hope has been a critical part of my healing process. The people there have helped me through some difficult times. I would not be where I am without this organization.

4

Client Served

Rating: 5

I lost both my spouse and son six years ago. AOH was, and continues to be, the one community I can turn to when I feel unconnected. AOH provides survivors with a desperately needed sense of belonging. In this community, we are never judged and always understood. In a world where survivors often feel isolated, alien and painfully alone, AOH is a safe haven.

Infinity

Previous Stories
3

Client Served

Rating: 5

The Alliance of Hope Site has been the only place I have felt safe and understood since losing my family to suicide. I can go there at any time: day, night, holiday and find respite from the undescribable sense of loneliness I feel as a survivor. Despite the tragic reason for the site's existence and the anguish, anger and pain of those who post, the moderators somehow find a way to maintain a sense of gentleness, peace and hope.

5

Volunteer

Rating: 5

I lost my youngest son to suicide in December 2012. Some nine months later I found the Alliance of Hope forum. Not only had I found a place where I was understood, where I was not alone but where there was a message of hope. Hope that I could go beyond merely surviving and feel happiness again. Hope that I could again contribute in a positive way in this world.

I live in regional Australia the availability of services in my area experienced in this type of traumatic loss was zero. The Alliance of Hope fast became my lifeline. The support I received from this community is the reason I am where I'm at today.

Now nearly three years later I serve as a moderator on this forum keeping it the same safe, nonjudgmental place and offering support to the many members of this unique, though hurting community.

5

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

Alliance of Hope has been the single most helpful resource after the loss of my 21 year old son to suicide in March 2014. It is a place of compassion and understanding--everyone "gets" the unique grief brought by this kind of loss. It is a lifeline and, indeed, a place of hope.

5 Carter W.

Client Served

Rating: 5

A little over a year ago, I lost the love of my life and my best friend to suicide. We'd been together for two and a half years, and he was my everything. It was incredibly out of the blue, made/still makes no sense, and has changed literally every aspect of my life. He was only twenty-three.

Not sure how I was going to go on without him, I went searching for resources. I found Alliance of Hope almost right away. After a month or so of lingering without joining, I finally became a member of the forums. Since then, I can say that the people on the site have been one of my greatest support systems. I don't know where I would be without the forum, but I can guarantee it is nowhere good.

No one wants to be a member of this kind of club. No one deserves it either. Regardless of the tragedy we've been dealt, everyone on this forum (from the moderators/creator to the new guests) is incredibly supportive and understanding. We are able to cheer each other on in times of good and also understand, with literally zero judgment, when others are having a day so bad that we almost want to follow our loved ones. It is a welcoming, loving, safe environment for people in all situations and from all walks of life. This non-profit is literally a lifesaver and a complete asset. I'd recommend it to anyone who has experienced the crater that suicide leaves behind.

4 Mariana E.

Client Served

Rating: 5

I lost my father to suicide in August 2013. This experience has been intense and painful. The support given by Alliance of Hope each and every day is powerful. It saves lives. It provides a safe space for families and friends of loved ones who've completed suicide to process and heal these devastating losses. I will be forever grateful for Alliance of Hope and the role this organization has played in the aftermath of my father's suicide.

Previous Stories
4

Client Served

Rating: 5

This forum is one of the biggest miracles and experiences of unconditional love and understanding that I have ever experienced. What a gift!

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4 Valerie82

Client Served

Rating: 5

In November 2014, I lost the love of my life of 28 years to suicide. The impact on my life was beyond anything I could possibly have imagined. I tried for many months to cope on my own and get back to some semblance of work. I believed I was perfectly capable of healing myself. After 8 months, I finally realized it would take more...a lot more.

I live and work in a small city in northern British Columbia. I did not feel comfortable seeking out counselors I knew personally or through my work. And, I could not find anyone that had experience with survivors of suicide loss. A few months earlier, I had found the Alliance of Hope and occasionally watched and read the forums and Facebook posts. I went back there and signed up for a set of counselling sessions. It was the best gift I ever gave myself.

Almost a year later, my sessions with Ronnie Walker continue albeit not as frequently now. Ronnie has gently guided me through the gut-wrenching maze of despair and has helped me begin to put the pieces of "me" back together again. She has encouraged me to write - something my husband always believed I could do. She supported me as I navigated through the bureaucracy of filing disability claims and let me vent when it seemed the odds were stacked up against me.

Most importantly, Ronnie and the Alliance of Hope gave me my life back. Is it different? Yes. Is there still a long way to go? Absolutely. But...through the unconditional acceptance of everyone who is involved in and contributes to this organization, I have hope again. For that, I will be forever grateful.

6

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

My role as a user of Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors is no doubt different from the norm and I would like to briefly explain. After 2 losses in my wife's family to this unforgiving disease, we sought any and every means available to help us heal. I had good prospects to recover but my wife because of very complicated reasons, was in danger of being eternally damned by the fallout. Years and years went by. We had no resource like the Alliance (AOH). Our strongest weapon was to participate and then help facilitate a local support group. After the local group dissipated from lack of promotion, we started building a new group that would stand the test of time. Researching this startup is what brought up the site of AOH. I was actually looking for alternative resources for members of our live group when there was no immediate meeting. I am sorry for the lengthy opening but I felt that this type of intro was necessary to put my impressions of AOH into perspective.

I have never been a fan of online forums for support. They just fall short of the goal for various reasons. I came to AOH site with very low expectations. When I arrived I was impressed. The first thing that was blatantly obvious was the respect and sincerity between members. The issues of suicide in our families is not a light topic. All of us survivors have special requirements and the first posts and blogs I read on the site actually fulfilled those needs. What was just as blatantly obvious was the absence of the typical drama and questionable material in the posts from the members. Those things are all too prevalent and have soured my experiences in lending help in online forums. This caught my attention so vividly that I was intrigued to dig deeper into the site. I signed up and started participating in the posts. It was at times too emotional, especially when reading and responding in the introductions forum, where the raw grief and despair of new members left me with feelings as deep as I had experienced years ago. I had to pace myself in that particular forum but moved to others where I participated, sharing personal experiences and validating other people's experiences. All this time, the AOH site left me with a strange feeling… one that I cannot explain. I was talking to people on an online site but I had the feeling from somewhere deep inside like I was participating in a live group. That to me is a powerful feat.

Things I found that made me admire the way AOH was built include, most importantly, the presence of a large number of moderators. Not just moderators in name but moderators who actively work the forums. Whenever someone posted, the post was addressed very quickly. If no members were online to respond, a moderator appeared to soothe the painful feelings of the member. I cannot stress how important that is in a support group of any type, let alone one that is there to fill the needs of those in excruciating pain.

Another priceless trait of the site is that religious faith is not promoted but it is welcomed with open arms. I myself believe and love reading members offer prayers and condolences based on faith, but at the same time, the ones who do not believe, exist here perfectly content without being preached to.

Those are just some of my observations about the Alliance of Hope. Being the engineer and scientist that I am, I cannot help analyzing things I don't understand. I can define some of the things that make AOH successful but it still leaves a big question unanswered... What is it about this site? I cannot honestly answer that question but I am overwhelmed by how well it fills the needs of people who need an extreme amount of help, caring, understanding and compassion. For this, I applaud the organization.

4

Client Served

Rating: 5

I lost my mom two years ago today. There is a huge hole in my life, I am anchorless, she was my rock, my safe place, I knew I was loved unconditionally and that is gone. The Alliance of Hope really helped me, I have friends but they don't really want to hear it, me and my feelings, at least not for long. The community on this forum has always been willing to listen, the responses always caring and concerned and thoughtful. It is so helpful just to vent and everyone just gets it, they understand the need to vent, it is so hard, right? I just talked to my brother, today, on the anniversary of her death, and not a word about her. This is why forums like this are so helpful. I need to talk about her. If my family doesn't or can't, this forum lets me talk and I feel like someone is listening and caring. And this community does that. It helped a lot and still does.

5

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

Hello, my name is Ariunaa J. and i'm not allowed to enter my last name. See that's the thing, i'm a minor, 12 years of age. I lost my father to suicide when I was 8, while my mother was in a different country and barely even talked to her. My father was the only one who actually understood me, at the time I had an IQ of 121. Guess you're here thinking "Haha this kid is just here to brag about her IQ!" No. No other day I was diagnosed with depression, and found out my dad had a bipolar disorder.
I'm 12, I can't write long and detailed texts. I'm 12, don't understand the world. I'm 12, but I know that suicide is a horrible, horrible thing. To be honest I have attempted suicide multiple times. Too many people have told me "I understand" or "You have to move on". Tell me, did your father commit suicide when you where 8? Researched 5 long years for someone who could help you? Everyone telling you to just move on? You might think a 12 year old shouldn't be here. 12 year olds are children, meant to be looked down upon. They are stupid, young. Oh how I wish I could be as oblivious as my classmates, as innocent and pure as them. My father was my hero, like superman. He was my role model, I wanted to be him. He was more than just a dad. My first word? Dada. What was I? A Papa's girl. After his suicide I had not said a word for more than 2 weeks, I tried not to talk to anyone. It's not like I did normally anyway, I was the nerd in class. Dad and I were so alike, we had the same birthday. One month passes and it's our birthday, just a quiet dinner, with the family. Even my mom was there. I can't remember that there were presents, I wouldn't have wanted any.
Imagine, being a child. Your birthday should be the happiest day of the year, and you get to share it with your favorite person. Now hold onto that feeling, and crush it by the sudden realization that they will never be there again, and multiply that by 10. That's my depression. My depression has gotten so bad, my grades have dropped to that of mainly Fs and if i'm lucky Ds. I try, honestly. It's just that... I can't. I need help.
Just today, I was going to take my life. Then I found this, and thought i'd give myself some more time.

For now, i'm stable. Does anyone know how I can maintain that way? Sorry my English, grammar and spelling is horrible. The last time I was in America was when I was 8.

7

General Member of the Public

Rating: 5

Five months ago I lost my husband of 15 years, the father of my two children to suicide. I was completely shocked and devastated, convinced I could not survive this terrible blow. My family was there to support me through the funeral but then everyone quickly resumed their "normal" lives. I was drowning in a pool of grief so complicated I couldn't begin to make sense of what I was feeling or how to deal with it. And I had two children who needed their mother more than ever. That's when I began searching the web for some much needed support. I found it on the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors. I couldn't believe it. Sadly, there were many others who knew just what I was going through. This community of survivors has held me up when I needed it most. I will be forever grateful to AOH for helping me when others simply did not know how. AOH helped give my kids their mom back. I keep coming back to AOH to gain the strength I need and to support others on this journey of the suicide loss survivor.