Alliance of Hope has been a tremendous resource for me in the aftermath of my son's suicide. The forum site is well run and moderated, which equates to making it a safe place to share. The forum members provide so much understanding and suppport that I was not finding in other places. There is even skype counseling available if you need it. This organization provides connections to other resources as well - like local support groups, books to read etc. I can not say enough positive things about Alliance of Hope. It is sad for when new members join, for the reason they have to be there, but I am glad this resource is there for them.
I lost friends family members to suicide I think of them and miss them daily I tried many times myself but it never worked not a day goes by I xobt think of them and want to be with them but then I think of how it affected us and how my fAmily would feel how it may hurt them
My son took his life in September 2014 on what would have been his first day of high school. I found AoH about 2 months later. I watched the forum and read posts for a couple weeks and discovered there were so many people like me -- trying to heal, trying to help family members heal, trying get re-grounded. I joined a couple weeks later and have found unparalleled encouragement, support, healing, wisdom, and hope.
After losing our dad by suicide in January 2015, I was searching online for support groups for myself and my brother in our respective communities. I found weekly meetings in his area, but where I live meetings are only held monthly. During that search, I found Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors and joined immediately. Unfortunately a few days later, my brother also succumbed to suicide. AoH was an incredible support during those devastating days. Reading and writing posts there kept me going in the following days, weeks, and months. Alliance of Hope is an invaluable resource for the loved ones of those who die by suicide.
The only thing that has remotely helped so far. So grateful that this site exists. Losing someone you love to suicide is so isolating. This site reaches far and wide to show you, you are very much not alone.
I accidently stumbled across AOH on the web after being blindsided by the suicide of my son in 2014. Everyone greeted with me with open compassionate hearts. Family, friends, and church members had no idea of what it was like to go through suicide loss. I was all alone, until I found AOH that morning. I immediately realized that yes, I could survive this and someone did understand! Here was real help & hope, not just the standard clichés you get when someone dies. And someone is always here 24/7 to reach out. I will forever be grateful to AOH.
I am happy to share my experiences with the life-saving nonprofit, The Alliance of Hope.
As you might expect, I experienced the greatest shock and the greatest pain of my life when my husband died. There were no warnings. He showed no classic signs of suicide, with which I am familiar. I am surrounded by a loving and supportive family. I have an excellent therapist and Doctor. But, I needed something more and I wasn't sure what that was.
In-person support groups were not an option for me.
I spent a lot of time reading articles on the possible causes of suicide, reviewed statistics, read studies. All this reading left me feeling more terrified and alone.
Somehow I tripped across this site. I was immediately relieved to learn I wasn't losing my mind, to see others truly understood.
This site is monitored 24/7 by trained moderators. There is no fee to join. You don't even have to "sign up"; you have still access to information & help. All are anonymous here. The website is concise and precise. It is easy to navigate.
The first time I posted, I was overwhelmed by the support and genuine care I received. I also learned some good tips that were easy to follow to help myself. I became a more active member, posting questions, concerns, deepest fears.
There is a lot of mystery and misinformation about suicuide. Whether it's a news report or a movie, one is lead to believe suicide results from one singular event. This adds to the confusion and horror to those directly touched by suicide.
It's right that people who are suicidal have access to immediate help and hopefully receive it.
There's one group that's overlooked - that's us. Those left behind in the wake of this tragic loss. Professionals in the medical and counseling fields often not know what to do with us or how to help. More isolation and fear is often the result.
AOH addresses the needs and concerns of us. I could find no other online resource for those who lost a loved one due to suicide.
There are many worthy nonprofits out there. But, our group is a solo group that tends to the needs to such a vulnerable group. There are no walk-a-thons or ribbons to "raise awareness" for us.
If you have lost a loved one because of suicide, this is the ONLY online resource you will need. We understand.
If you are trying to help a child, friend, coworker that has been touched by this tragedy, please visit for insight.
It is not an exaggeration to say AOH saved my life and, by extension, the lives of my children.
Thanks for reading this!
As is often people's experience, I found AOH at a time when I most needed a compassionate online community of people who shared my uniquely life-altering experience. I was immediately enfolded by compassion, empathy and a feeling of safety to express even my darkest emotions without judgement. Responses to my posts were generous and timely providing me with strength that I could hardly muster myself.
Members on AOH are at various points in their journeys, from the very new to many years out. I found there was/is something to be learned from each post as I read them. There is never any pressure to respond or write a post-any person is welcome to simply take what they need until they are ready to participate. Everyone can feel comfortable according to "where they are" at any particular moment.
The Alliance of Hope Forum is a collective consciousness on a shared journey to try to turn back into life after the anguish of losing a loved one to death by suicide. There is at least as much light, if not more, as there is darkness in the sharing of each person's struggles and accomplishments, large and small. It feels like hope eventually becomes part of every personal story.
The AOH Forum is moderated with professionalism and attention to all of the details surrounding a public Internet Forum. Infrequent issues that come up are addressed immediately so that members feel as secure as possible. Navigation on the site is user-friendly.
The AOH founder and Clinician, Ronnie Walker, is amazing in every way as are all staff members!
I found my brother hanging in the attic in 2012. My life fell apart. I found that when I talked to people they either walked away or didn't really understand. I discovered Alliance of Hope and find that this site is a great help at times when I am low and talking freely with people who have gone through similar experiences helps me offload and get through it. I also feel that helping others gives me a sense that I can be strong despite the trauma of surviving my loss.
My beautiful daughter completed suicide shortly before Christmas, 2015. I discovered the Alliance of Hope in January, 2016, when I was laid up, recovering from multiple surgeries. I have read their stories and listened to what others who are going through what I am, or have traveled this terrible path longer than I have. I can honestly attest that this site has kept me alive up until now, as at first I only wished to be with my deceased child. There is no way I could have made it without the knowledge and understanding of others who have lived through the aftermath of a suicide, all of us suffering these tragic losses of such dearly beloved family and friends. It is so crucial to we survivors to have a place which offers this empathy and understanding, and the Alliance of Hope surely provides that.
My nephew completed suicide in March 2015 and my husband in June 2015. My whole life came crashing down around me and I was devastated. I also lost friendships I thought I'd always have, I lost my home, my job, family, and I lost hope.
Out of everything I lost, hope was what I needed most. Without hope, I couldn't start again, rebuild, heal, or find a new normal. When I found the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors, I found the hope I was searching for! I also found others who understood, caring friends, and support any time of the day or night. I absolutely would not be where I am today without AOH. It is my safe place amongst the chaos of my life.
I felt so alone. I needed support. When I found this place and the wonderful people there, I finally felt connected to others who understood my pain. I met open, honest people who share their stories in hopes of helping someone else feel better. I found acceptance, connectedness, care, and most of all; hope that I can make it through my pain like the people who have gone before me.
After losing my son to suicide I was without hope of ever being able to fully join life again. Traditional therapy left me feeling a disconnect as the counselor was not familiar with the unique challenges that come with losing a loved one to suicide. I found the Alliance of Hope 6-7 months into my grief. For the first time I felt not only heard, but understood, I sobbed at that realization. The Alliance of Hope provided me a safe and caring environment to voice my grief and to honor my healing. Recently I wrote a post that summarizes my thoughts of the Alliance of Hope. "I think the beautiful and certainly unique quality of the Alliance Of Hope is that it is a living, breathing place where grieving and living come together to offer hope." I will forever be grateful to Ronnie Walker for her vision and hope.
I lost my wife to suicide earlier this year. A friend found and mentioned Alliance of Hope to me. The Alliance of Hope has been a critical part of my healing process. The people there have helped me through some difficult times. I would not be where I am without this organization.
I lost both my spouse and son six years ago. AOH was, and continues to be, the one community I can turn to when I feel unconnected. AOH provides survivors with a desperately needed sense of belonging. In this community, we are never judged and always understood. In a world where survivors often feel isolated, alien and painfully alone, AOH is a safe haven.
The Alliance of Hope Site has been the only place I have felt safe and understood since losing my family to suicide. I can go there at any time: day, night, holiday and find respite from the undescribable sense of loneliness I feel as a survivor. Despite the tragic reason for the site's existence and the anguish, anger and pain of those who post, the moderators somehow find a way to maintain a sense of gentleness, peace and hope.
I lost my youngest son to suicide in December 2012. Some nine months later I found the Alliance of Hope forum. Not only had I found a place where I was understood, where I was not alone but where there was a message of hope. Hope that I could go beyond merely surviving and feel happiness again. Hope that I could again contribute in a positive way in this world.
I live in regional Australia the availability of services in my area experienced in this type of traumatic loss was zero. The Alliance of Hope fast became my lifeline. The support I received from this community is the reason I am where I'm at today.
Now nearly three years later I serve as a moderator on this forum keeping it the same safe, nonjudgmental place and offering support to the many members of this unique, though hurting community.
Alliance of Hope has been the single most helpful resource after the loss of my 21 year old son to suicide in March 2014. It is a place of compassion and understanding--everyone "gets" the unique grief brought by this kind of loss. It is a lifeline and, indeed, a place of hope.
A little over a year ago, I lost the love of my life and my best friend to suicide. We'd been together for two and a half years, and he was my everything. It was incredibly out of the blue, made/still makes no sense, and has changed literally every aspect of my life. He was only twenty-three.
Not sure how I was going to go on without him, I went searching for resources. I found Alliance of Hope almost right away. After a month or so of lingering without joining, I finally became a member of the forums. Since then, I can say that the people on the site have been one of my greatest support systems. I don't know where I would be without the forum, but I can guarantee it is nowhere good.
No one wants to be a member of this kind of club. No one deserves it either. Regardless of the tragedy we've been dealt, everyone on this forum (from the moderators/creator to the new guests) is incredibly supportive and understanding. We are able to cheer each other on in times of good and also understand, with literally zero judgment, when others are having a day so bad that we almost want to follow our loved ones. It is a welcoming, loving, safe environment for people in all situations and from all walks of life. This non-profit is literally a lifesaver and a complete asset. I'd recommend it to anyone who has experienced the crater that suicide leaves behind.
I lost my father to suicide in August 2013. This experience has been intense and painful. The support given by Alliance of Hope each and every day is powerful. It saves lives. It provides a safe space for families and friends of loved ones who've completed suicide to process and heal these devastating losses. I will be forever grateful for Alliance of Hope and the role this organization has played in the aftermath of my father's suicide.
This forum is one of the biggest miracles and experiences of unconditional love and understanding that I have ever experienced. What a gift!
In November 2014, I lost the love of my life of 28 years to suicide. The impact on my life was beyond anything I could possibly have imagined. I tried for many months to cope on my own and get back to some semblance of work. I believed I was perfectly capable of healing myself. After 8 months, I finally realized it would take more...a lot more.
I live and work in a small city in northern British Columbia. I did not feel comfortable seeking out counselors I knew personally or through my work. And, I could not find anyone that had experience with survivors of suicide loss. A few months earlier, I had found the Alliance of Hope and occasionally watched and read the forums and Facebook posts. I went back there and signed up for a set of counselling sessions. It was the best gift I ever gave myself.
Almost a year later, my sessions with Ronnie Walker continue albeit not as frequently now. Ronnie has gently guided me through the gut-wrenching maze of despair and has helped me begin to put the pieces of "me" back together again. She has encouraged me to write - something my husband always believed I could do. She supported me as I navigated through the bureaucracy of filing disability claims and let me vent when it seemed the odds were stacked up against me.
Most importantly, Ronnie and the Alliance of Hope gave me my life back. Is it different? Yes. Is there still a long way to go? Absolutely. But...through the unconditional acceptance of everyone who is involved in and contributes to this organization, I have hope again. For that, I will be forever grateful.
My role as a user of Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors is no doubt different from the norm and I would like to briefly explain. After 2 losses in my wife's family to this unforgiving disease, we sought any and every means available to help us heal. I had good prospects to recover but my wife because of very complicated reasons, was in danger of being eternally damned by the fallout. Years and years went by. We had no resource like the Alliance (AOH). Our strongest weapon was to participate and then help facilitate a local support group. After the local group dissipated from lack of promotion, we started building a new group that would stand the test of time. Researching this startup is what brought up the site of AOH. I was actually looking for alternative resources for members of our live group when there was no immediate meeting. I am sorry for the lengthy opening but I felt that this type of intro was necessary to put my impressions of AOH into perspective.
I have never been a fan of online forums for support. They just fall short of the goal for various reasons. I came to AOH site with very low expectations. When I arrived I was impressed. The first thing that was blatantly obvious was the respect and sincerity between members. The issues of suicide in our families is not a light topic. All of us survivors have special requirements and the first posts and blogs I read on the site actually fulfilled those needs. What was just as blatantly obvious was the absence of the typical drama and questionable material in the posts from the members. Those things are all too prevalent and have soured my experiences in lending help in online forums. This caught my attention so vividly that I was intrigued to dig deeper into the site. I signed up and started participating in the posts. It was at times too emotional, especially when reading and responding in the introductions forum, where the raw grief and despair of new members left me with feelings as deep as I had experienced years ago. I had to pace myself in that particular forum but moved to others where I participated, sharing personal experiences and validating other people's experiences. All this time, the AOH site left me with a strange feeling… one that I cannot explain. I was talking to people on an online site but I had the feeling from somewhere deep inside like I was participating in a live group. That to me is a powerful feat.
Things I found that made me admire the way AOH was built include, most importantly, the presence of a large number of moderators. Not just moderators in name but moderators who actively work the forums. Whenever someone posted, the post was addressed very quickly. If no members were online to respond, a moderator appeared to soothe the painful feelings of the member. I cannot stress how important that is in a support group of any type, let alone one that is there to fill the needs of those in excruciating pain.
Another priceless trait of the site is that religious faith is not promoted but it is welcomed with open arms. I myself believe and love reading members offer prayers and condolences based on faith, but at the same time, the ones who do not believe, exist here perfectly content without being preached to.
Those are just some of my observations about the Alliance of Hope. Being the engineer and scientist that I am, I cannot help analyzing things I don't understand. I can define some of the things that make AOH successful but it still leaves a big question unanswered... What is it about this site? I cannot honestly answer that question but I am overwhelmed by how well it fills the needs of people who need an extreme amount of help, caring, understanding and compassion. For this, I applaud the organization.
I lost my mom two years ago today. There is a huge hole in my life, I am anchorless, she was my rock, my safe place, I knew I was loved unconditionally and that is gone. The Alliance of Hope really helped me, I have friends but they don't really want to hear it, me and my feelings, at least not for long. The community on this forum has always been willing to listen, the responses always caring and concerned and thoughtful. It is so helpful just to vent and everyone just gets it, they understand the need to vent, it is so hard, right? I just talked to my brother, today, on the anniversary of her death, and not a word about her. This is why forums like this are so helpful. I need to talk about her. If my family doesn't or can't, this forum lets me talk and I feel like someone is listening and caring. And this community does that. It helped a lot and still does.
Hello, my name is Ariunaa J. and i'm not allowed to enter my last name. See that's the thing, i'm a minor, 12 years of age. I lost my father to suicide when I was 8, while my mother was in a different country and barely even talked to her. My father was the only one who actually understood me, at the time I had an IQ of 121. Guess you're here thinking "Haha this kid is just here to brag about her IQ!" No. No other day I was diagnosed with depression, and found out my dad had a bipolar disorder.
I'm 12, I can't write long and detailed texts. I'm 12, don't understand the world. I'm 12, but I know that suicide is a horrible, horrible thing. To be honest I have attempted suicide multiple times. Too many people have told me "I understand" or "You have to move on". Tell me, did your father commit suicide when you where 8? Researched 5 long years for someone who could help you? Everyone telling you to just move on? You might think a 12 year old shouldn't be here. 12 year olds are children, meant to be looked down upon. They are stupid, young. Oh how I wish I could be as oblivious as my classmates, as innocent and pure as them. My father was my hero, like superman. He was my role model, I wanted to be him. He was more than just a dad. My first word? Dada. What was I? A Papa's girl. After his suicide I had not said a word for more than 2 weeks, I tried not to talk to anyone. It's not like I did normally anyway, I was the nerd in class. Dad and I were so alike, we had the same birthday. One month passes and it's our birthday, just a quiet dinner, with the family. Even my mom was there. I can't remember that there were presents, I wouldn't have wanted any.
Imagine, being a child. Your birthday should be the happiest day of the year, and you get to share it with your favorite person. Now hold onto that feeling, and crush it by the sudden realization that they will never be there again, and multiply that by 10. That's my depression. My depression has gotten so bad, my grades have dropped to that of mainly Fs and if i'm lucky Ds. I try, honestly. It's just that... I can't. I need help.
Just today, I was going to take my life. Then I found this, and thought i'd give myself some more time.
For now, i'm stable. Does anyone know how I can maintain that way? Sorry my English, grammar and spelling is horrible. The last time I was in America was when I was 8.
Five months ago I lost my husband of 15 years, the father of my two children to suicide. I was completely shocked and devastated, convinced I could not survive this terrible blow. My family was there to support me through the funeral but then everyone quickly resumed their "normal" lives. I was drowning in a pool of grief so complicated I couldn't begin to make sense of what I was feeling or how to deal with it. And I had two children who needed their mother more than ever. That's when I began searching the web for some much needed support. I found it on the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors. I couldn't believe it. Sadly, there were many others who knew just what I was going through. This community of survivors has held me up when I needed it most. I will be forever grateful to AOH for helping me when others simply did not know how. AOH helped give my kids their mom back. I keep coming back to AOH to gain the strength I need and to support others on this journey of the suicide loss survivor.
I am a suicide survivor. I never thought I would have to say those words in my lifetime. When the youngest of my three sons took his life Septmber 9, 2013 at the age of 22 I was blind sided. None of us saw it coming. We had no warning. I found him. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder in addition to unbearable grief. I found the Alliance of Hope by chance. It has been my saving grace and lifeline.
The Alliance of Hope is a club no one wanted to join. But the members share a strong bond of love and hope. There are people who care about you, will listen to you, will cry with you, and who will try to smile with you again one day. Pain is shared but so are memories and inspiration and suggestions.
I sometimes feel like I am the weakness person I know and other days I feel I am the strongest person I know. I reach out to family and friends and my counsellor for strength. And everey day I go to Allaince of Hope for my daily inspiration, a kind word, and strength from others who know my pain and can help me deal with it.
In August of 2014, our youngest daughter died by suicide. We were totally blind-sided by her suicide and never dreamed in a million years that would be something she would consider. In the aftermath, we were scrounging for someone or something to understand the pain we felt and to make sense of our own pain. We live in a very rural area so the resources were just not available. We finally did find a telephone counselor but she had never dealt with suicide and was kind of out of her element. After four long months, I finally discovered the Alliance of Hope Forum. It probably saved my life. It was somewhere to go in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. It was full of kind and compassionate people who had walked that same path. It has brought me healing and hope.
Our only daughter suffered from sever fibromyalgia, migraines and IBS for a couple years. Depression followed along with side effects of the medications she took. She overdosed this past April. and left us. In a millions years I would never be able to describe the sense of loss, isolation and devastation I felt. It was difficult to breathe, then the dawning that many around me had no idea what to say so they said nothing. Even my husband and I had trouble speaking about it. I started to search for some help and found this site. It has truly been a lifesaver. The survivors in this group know intimately how I feel, they say what I am thinking, they feel the same sense of isolation and they give from their hearts. There is so much empathy, love and caring, when I sign on, I feel a connection that I desperately needed. I honestly don't know where I would be without the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors and thank them all form the bottom of my heart each and every day.
Losing a loved one to suicide is devastating. I lost my husband, the love of my life, 9 months ago. My heart had been ripped from me and I didn't think I could go on living w/o him. But I have. I can honestly say, AOH has been a life saver. I have had guidance and love and truly caring people helping me get thru this tragedy. Other survivors KNOW...they know how you feel and what you are going thru, they know the devastation, they know how to comfort and to listen. AOH has made this life changing journey feel not so lonely. I have been given HOPE that I can live again....and learned a great deal about suicide, to really understand. I am so grateful to all the survivors...they are family and will forever be a part of my life.
This journey has been so difficult. Everyone on here understands and has been so helpful in my healing. Anything that I am feeling - they understand. They have been my lifeline for the past 9 1/2 months. I don't know how I would have survived to this point without them. I tried an in-person suicide survivors support group but it just left me feeling sad and lonely. No one there lost a husband and they didn't know what it was like to be totally alone - no family nearby. But at the Alliance of Hope - they know. And I don't feel so alone. Any questions or concerns that I have, someone else has been there and knows how I feel. The Alliance of Hope has been the biggest and best part of my healing.
When I first lost my boyfriend to gunshot wound to the head in October of 2014, I was feeling so much shock and trauma that I couldn-t function. I knew people loved me and cared about me in my personal life, but they simply didn-t know how to deal with someone in trauma. As the early days wore on, I finally found this site and would rise out of bed, if only to read and write on this forum. It helped me get out of bed and eventually, to work. I didn-t feel nearly so alone. I learned about ways to cope from other survivors further along. I learned to accept my experience and emotions as they occurred, which served to lessen my pain exponentially, at a time when I didn-t think I could take 1 oz. more of emotional pain without completely buckling under the pain and taking my own life.
So, yes, I will be forever and ever indebted to the support I have received here. True unconditional acceptance is something that isn-t always so easy to encounter or to show to others, but I have found both at AOH.
Since losing my son, Daniel, age 28, to suicide on March 9, 2015, I have been really struggling with coping with all parts of life. In the very early days I considered committing suicide myself, the grief and pain is very real and very hard to cope with. Living in a small town in Nevada it is hard to find a group to connect with where the members have been through a similar experience and are able to understand your feelings and struggles. At Alliance of Hope I have found others who have been through this trial and they are able to give me suggestions as to things that will help me to find a new normal in my life. At only 5 1/2 months since my son left I am still in the very early stages of healing and so many days are still extremely hard. Alliance of Hope is there for me at anytime of the day or night. It has truly been a life line for me. There is great comfort in having the support and guidance of those who truly understand. Bubbie
Losing a loved one to suicide is the hardest thing you will ever experience, I know, I lost my beloved 24 year old son last November to this tragedy. When this first happened I was desperate, how does one deal with the immense pain and guilt , the shame , and sorrow? I found help in the Alliance of Hope forum. They are a group of loving and compassionate people who get my pain . By reading and posting , I have a semblance of healing take place. I feel so supported , and comforted. I know my son was ill , he didn't do this to hurt me, and nothing I did or didn't do caused this. If you find yourself on this road of loss , I would highly recommend giving this online forum a chance . With them, you are not alone. They will walk this road with you.
I'm just feeling immensely thankful for and IN AWE of this whole forum...the holy outpouring of pure love and wisdom and understanding....
On this site we can connect with other survivors at any time of day or night. This has been invaluable to me as a way to connect on a regular basis with other survivors and to tap into the much needed understanding and support during my own moments of hopelessness.
I'm feeling blessed and touched that I can witness this richness...
I have been a part of support groups for other issues and found that connection with those who truly understand is the path toward healing. The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors Forum offers compassion and insights and makes me feel not alone when the rest of the world has gone on around me.
My husband, a tremendous support and individual, summed my experience with this forum using Eric Clapton lyrics: Who alone will comfort you? Only the brokenhearted. (From his album Pilgrim, written after his son passed)
Thank you for helping to create this sacred space.
We found the Alliance of Hope website recently following the unexpected suicide of a young, beautiful and loving member of our family. It's impossible to explain the devastating impact a death by suicide has on a family, but it's true to say that it is devastating and catastrophic. There is a very great need at such a time, and in the months and years that follow, to seek guidance and support, especially from people who very sadly understand exactly what you are experiencing. They show you how to move forward when you think you may not be able to. The Alliance of Hope website offers a lifeline and the work it does is extremely important. A huge thank you to all those volunteers and other survivors of suicide for the work that they do in making a lonely and desperate experience less so. I and my family have found strength in the warmth and kindness of others. The work you are doing is phenomenal. Thank you.
Not worth bothering with, staff are all fake, they are disrespectful to some members
I lost my only son to suicide Jan 17th 2013, almost 2 yrs ago now, its been a long lonely road, I am still on antidepressent's which has helped. My friend's have been very supportive too, but don't really understand, so I have joined a support group for this kind of loss, it take's me an hour to get there, once a month, I don't feel quite so isolated being there. I kiss his photo & talk to him every day, I find that help's
My son ran in front of a train, I still can't bring myself to travel on one . i still get nightmare's, but put that down to stopping my anti depressants.
I can't say I look forward to xmas anymore, he alway's helped me decorate the tree, I can't do this now. I wonder how other people cope ? A lovely long term friend has invited me to her house this Christmas. I don't have any family apart from my brother who lives 4 hrs drive away, though we do ring each other every week.
This is a partically hard time of year for all of us without our loved one's.
I lost my sister September 14, 2014 to suicide. She poured gas in her van and got in and lit it on fire.She was the one that took care of everyone else. A year before we spent the last 4 months daily of my other sisters life together until she took her last breath. We formed a special bond. I called her sister mom because she was such a caregiver.She had it together and a classy lady is what we all thought. The day I got the phone call I was in total disbelief. Not Nancy,imposible..wrong person. Was like getting hit with a shot gun . I didn't know how to react. I threw chairs and took 3 people to hold me down .I was so angry ,confused, my body didn't know how to react. I passed out. My husband and son got hold of my pastor and she sat with me for hours and just let me talk crazy. I wake up crying out of my sleep almost everynight. I counsel with my pastor which thinks im like a rock and doing great. But I feel at times like im dying inside. I don't know how to do this. I have days when I just go with the moment and other days I feel like I took 10 steps backwards. I sometimes forget she isn't here. She made everything look so normal .She spent the night at my house the week end before and we planned a sister trip with my other sister. She seemed so excited about it. I look back and things now make sense. Why didn't I see it then I ask? But then why would I suspect when she seemed so normal . She did a lot of visiting the month prior to doing this. She was married and had her daughter and 4 grandchildren living with her.She also had a son and two other grandchildren. She so seemed to love life. Will I ever understand this horrible tradgedy? I love and miss her so much .Im just trying to process this. I spoke at her funeral and never shed a tear for the Lord helped me.It was a celebration of her life. I wrote remember me with a smile..oh her laughter was so contagious and her smile lit up the room...please help I don't know how to do this one and I have lost a lot of loved ones.
We are confused by this review as this person is not a "volunteer" for the Alliance of Hope - and her review says nothing about any interactions with our organization. Winny55, we are very sorry for the loss of your sister.-- Ronnie Walker, Executive Director
Suicide. One of the hardest words to say and understand. No one wants to ever think that this could happen to you. Ever. But it does. Suicide doesn't discriminate. But if you are on this site, you are grieving over the loss of someone you loved. I've been there. I know exactly what is going through your head. Its the most gut wrenching, heart breaking pain to endure. You feel as if the world around you is caving in and you think you yourself will be unable to survive. But you will. I promise!! Its not easy by any means, but let me tell, without this community of strong compassionate people, I wouldn't be here right now telling you that you can and you will make it through this. Its a long tough journey of tears and pain and a whole slew of other feelings that you didn't even know you had or could possibly feel. But again, you will make it through this. You are stronger than you think. All of us are. There are soooo many wonderful people on this site. People to listen. No judgement. People to help you take those very tiny baby steps to feel alive again. Every hour, every day if you need it for as long as you need it. There is no pressure. No harsh words. Only love and support here. And I promise you will get it.
I lost my fiance to suicide. I couldn't save him. He died in my arms. And at that very moment, I'm pretty sure I died too. I was a wreck. For weeks I searched for answers. I couldn't find them. I felt alone and the emotional rollercoaster of pain enveloped me daily. The help we have where I live was miniscule. There wasn't anyone I could call at 2am when I was crying so hard I thought I would just collapse. My friends were there but not in the way I needed them to be. I heard alot of " I know how you feel" crap when I know for fact, they had no idea. I heard alot of "time to move on Michelle and get over it". I heard alot of "hes in a better place now" or "he was a selfish *******". I heard other words that were not very nice. It was a constant struggle. My family was there but again, they didn't know how to help me. I went to counseling but that didn't help either. At least not for me. It made it worse. I literally scoured the internet for more help, More people like me that would understand what I was feeling and going through. Then I found this site. And since then, I was able to take those baby steps in the right direction.
Read the stories. You will cry, smile, laugh, scream, and cry some more. But the people here will help you heal. I promise. You will feel joy and happiness once again but still keep your loved ones in your heart for all time. Remember, they never really leave you. They are always watching over you no matter what your beliefs are. My fiance's name was Scott.
So welcome. There are many people here to help you on your journey. Including me. My door is always open to listen or to help out any way I can. There are forums, posts, stories, videos, other links, etc. Always remember though........that no matter how hard it gets, you will persevere. You are strong, and you are a survivor. You are strong and more so now that you were before. And together as a community, we are even stronger yet. God bless you all.
I lost my husband just over 3 years ago. I found the alliance of hope about a week or so following my loss. Loss to suicide is devastating. I didn't know where to turn. I couldn't find a support group in my area and desperately needed to talk with those that could relate.
Having a support group that are available 24/7 was exactly what I needed. I can come here day or night and know that someone is listening and reaching out.
I was helped and comforted by so many people. They gave me the strength to keep on keeping on. Pulled me up when I could barely stand.
I now serve as a volunteer on the forum in the hopes I can give back a little of what I have, and continue to receive. Thanks to the Alliance I have learned we CAN and DO go beyond just surviving:)
My husband took his life less than 2 weeks ago. The alliance of hope has been a Godsend to me. To share what you are going through with others going through the same horrendous experience lets you know you are not alone. Within a couple of hours of my initial post I had responses of encouragement and knew I had found an invaluable support system. My world is torn apart right now, visiting this sight helps me put one foot in front of the other...baby steps.Through the alliance I have found someone going through a very similar situation to mine and we e-mail each other day. I feel I am free to say anything, uncensored to her as she "gets it" We are unfortunately, kindred spirits, we share our pain, talk about our kids, encourage when we can. The Alliance of hope is my life line.
After the loss of husband to suicide I was frantically trying to find more information and support on the internet, it was then when I came across the Alliance of Hope and I'm so glad I did. It helps to share the excruciating pain and confusion with other survivors who have been through this before. It is a truly healing place, especially for those who may not have many support systems nearby or are not ready yet to access them.
I found the forum a few weeks after the death of my partner. Words can not express the pain and sorrow that I felt. To read about others losses and what they felt was a great comfort in the sense that I was feeling similar emotions. A survivor can feel many things and sometimes all at once. Guilt seems to be an emotion common to most and one of the most difficult. Through the forum, I understood that it was a part of the journey, not particular to me. This freed me to let go of it and open the path to healing. Another important aspect of the forum is reading how others heal. The Alliance has a healing compassionate space where we all truly can understand the depths of each others pain and encourage each other to heal. I have been coming to the forum for three years and engage weekly on the forum. I volunteer my time because of how much other volunteers helped me through the very difficult beginning days and weeks. Only survivors really know and understand the many issues associated with losing someone they love by suicide.
This site has helped me to feel like there are others out there who have been through this horrific experience and understand what I have gone thought. It has helped me to know that others have felt the same things that I have felt.
I lost my son to suicide about 5 months ago. I found out about the Alliance of Hope after attending a workshop help by the founder, Ronnie Walker. While I'm also seeing a therapist, this forum, the connections, the information has helped me more than anything else. It's a safe, loving place for those of us grieving such a complicated loss. We all wish there would be no need for such a thing but it's become an invaluable part of my day-to-day life.
I lost my sister to suicide June 23 2014 I was needing to be able to grieve without feeling judged by my family and have found that her the forum has been very helpful.This forum needs to be funded to keep helping more people.There are new people on here everyday looking to talk.People know what I'm going through.
I lost my wife to suicide 12 weeks ago. I can honestly say I probably wouldn't be here writing this review if this website and forum was not here. God bless the people who keep this going- it is a tremendous help to people who need it.
I came upon this forum 7 weeks after losing my son to suicide. Here I found others who not only cared about what I was experiencing, but understood.
At this point, it's been almost 4 years since losing my son. I continue to visit the forum nearly everyday. The forum community has stood by me and supported me while I walked my healing journey, welcoming joy and purpose into my life again.
Life is once again very good for me, and I credit this forum, the powerful community that participates with that healing.
This is an organization of compassionate people who have all lost loved ones to suicide. The support I received there after losing my husband was the most valuable part of my healing journey. I continue to volunteer my time because so many people have said that the Alliance of Hope forum is their "lifeline" during the most difficult time of their life. Three years after my loss, and I still receive encouragement to continue healing as well.
not what I expected, a waste of time. took too long for responses then everyone says the same things like they are programed to only say certain things
I lost my partner to suicide on Dec 14, 2012. I live in South Africa and THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I could find to turn to. I thank the UNIVERSE every single day for this forum. The people here are LOVING. I had friends etc but it was here that I found and find my solace and a place where everybody UNDERSTANDS AND EMPATHISES.
I am crying as I write this because this Forum truly saved me from suicide. Even today 21 months later, I still go there almost everyday. Sometimes I share and sometimes I just be there BUT EVERYTIME I LEARN AND HEAL AND GROW.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. TO THE FOUNDERS AND FORUM MEMBERS AND EVERY ONE OF US THERE... YOU PROVE THAT ANGELS DO EXIST.
When my sister committed suicide in April 2004, I had a minimal support group and have been encouraged not to mention her or her death, scolded when caught crying, or even when my eyes were red from an earlier cry. By the two month mark, I was at the pinnacle of grief and having self-destructive thoughts. With only my computer to talk to, I found this site and introduced myself. Within minutes, I was being greeted by one, and shortly after, several members. It felt like I was lost in a storm and wandered into a strangers house, finding beautiful strangers all with towels in hand helping to dry me off and make me warm. They rinsed me with the weight of their own tears and wrapped me in a gown of warm compassion. They let me in, and they let me stay. I am no longer in danger from self-destructive thoughts. I am now able to put aside my grief for a moment when I see the next stranger come in from the rain, towel them off, rinse them with my tears, and embrace them in a warm, compassionate garment.This is the most amazing group. We go there to grieve, and we grieve together, but then we go there to heal,, and we heal together. It has helped so much not to be alone. It has helped so much that I am not the only one who has had to suffer this kind of loss, the kind of loss that makes you want to lay down and die. I am forever thankful that I found this place where I can be truthful, open, and candid about the kind of loss that people don't like to talk about. In this house, we all know the language of suicide loss, and we are not alone, and we are not lost, we are not stigmatized, we are not rushed. Here, we are saved.
I lost my son to suicide 14 years ago. I lost again 5 years ago my remaining son to accident. I felt as though I was alone in all my thoughts. I felt so lost and broken beyond repair. I could not talk about all the things I thought about, I didn't know what to say. I hid away in my room on mother's day reading an old treasured card over and over and over again. I had no idea what I would find when I typed the word suicide into the search engine. This forum has saved my life. This forum has given me my life. I have found hope.
The Alliance of Hope has been a life saver to many that have tragically been brought together from a loved one committing suicide. I doubt any of our paths would have crossed if not for this horrible life changing event. We have been given a safe place to air our emotions, thoughts, and experiences thanks to the unselfish, kindness of Ronnie Walker. We learn, and pull energy, from each other to make it through another day. Funny, "another day" sometimes that's all we have to look forward to is making through this day, to see "another day". I don't think most people understand how fragile a suicide survivor is, and they need to be educated on this so that they can give the appropriate and loving support that we so need. The Alliance if Hope has a collection of very knowledgeable , compassionate, caring people who have been there as a guiding light, to many, through this dark, ugly storm we are traveling through. I have heard some say they would never have made it without this forum, that's a pretty awesome compliment. I hope no one ever loses a loved one to suicide, but if they do I hope this forum will still be around to facilitate theirs needs as I has ours.
Unexpectedly finding your father dead with a gunshot to his head has been one of the most devastating things that's ever happened to me. A part of my very soul died that day. If not for the members of the forum I'm not sure where I would be right now. I was totally exhausted from looking for answers and support and this was the only forum that would openly let you talk about what happened without censoring your post. We need to address suicide on all levels with all people. It's real, it's here, happening a lot more than it should. Please continue to support this effort in touching the lives of people who so needing this type social connection.
It's so easy when facing the aftershocks of a suicide to believe that no one can relate or know what you are going through. It's easy to fall into being a victim or to decide not to continue to be actively engaged in life. Alliance of Hope provided camaraderie and support in a club to which no one chooses to belong. The website provided other stories of hope, encouragement from people who knew exactly what I was going through and solace 24 hours a day. When sleep would escape me Alliance of Hope was my friend when others couldn't be available or I felt no one could relate. Now that I am two years from the loss of my husband, I can go back and provide that same support to others. Alliance of Hope was key in my recovery from this tragedy and helped me to embrace life once again.
When my twin brother committed suicide, I was faced with one of the most difficult challenges of my life. The emotional reprecussions of the act resonated through my life and the lives of my family and threatened to shake us apart. No one can understand the confusion, pain, anger, grief, fear and hopelessness that an event like this causes unless they have experienced it. Alliance of hope is professionally moderated by a team that is truly exceptional. They keep the site honest, open and most of all, helpful. I hate to think how I would have coped without this group. Their work is a blessing and a neccessity. I recommend the site for anyone that has had to cope with this tragedy.
my story is double tragedy, I lost my son to suicide five years ago and he was twenty one. three years later my twenty six year old daughter killed herself. I cant believe this has happened still to this day/ The forum is a great release of my feelings knowing people like me have that go through this everyday. It is a lifetime journey of rollercoaster emotions and hardest is missing them and feeling helpless. This forum knows and understands it helps, Out in the world no one understands they try if they care about you. I personally am glad they dont but us survivors we know all to bad how it is.
The Alliance of Hope is truly that....a place where people come together to find hope after the loss of a loved one to suicide. I have been on the site everyday since I found the AOH. I received counseling from the founder, Ronnie Walker. Ronnie helped me understand the tools I would need to survive the trauma and heal. She and the moderators on the site understand the complicated traumatic nature of the grief and are suicide survivors themselves. It is a community of understanding and compassion... an amazing non-profit organization, deserving of the highest rating.
Losing my husband to suicide has been devastating and traumatic causing so much pain, suffering and fallout. Healing, surviving, thriving seem impossible in the first days and months. But the grieving will ease and healing is possible. The alliance of Hope is a safe place where we survivors can tell our story. We need someone to listen, to be present with us and to offer support. Sadly, these vital needs are not always met by who you expect. But other survivors understand like no one else can. Although, I was three years out when I found the AOH I discovered and continue to discover facets of my healing journey. I have been comforted by acceptance and assurance that healing takes as long as it takes. When I joined the AOH I had a veiled vision for my healing self as someone who might help others. Interacting with other survivors experiencing similar feelings and challenges has enriched by life and strengthened my vision. I feel braver because someone on the AOH will "get me" and respond with warmth and sincerity. Everyday that I visit the AOH I can read a post or a blog that gives me insight, hope or a sense of belonging.
It is healing when someone else expresses gratitude for something I have written. Knowing that I have shared even a tiny bit of comfort is comforting to me too. Lifting others up. Listening to their story. Being present for another survivor is meaningful. Sharing a bit of humor or something ordinary also contributes to a sense of belonging. Being cared about.
I have to say a word about the Moderators. They are trained, gifted - each in their own way. And "they know" because they are themselves surviving.
I am grateful for the AOH. I think it is a world changing organization.
Alliance of Hope has helped me understand what is suicide and that I am not alone dealing with the lose. They are very welcoming, compassionate without any judgements. In the early days since the death of my daughter I felt all alone in this world. I felt no one understood what I was going through, but alliance of hope moderators and members were there to share with me their experiences and they were forgiving. This website was a godsend. I hope they would be able to continue helping others who are experiencing what I aam experiencing. Great job and mahalo from the bottom of my heart.
The Alliance of Hope is so aptly named because that is exactly what it is. It is a group of people who share a common bond through the worst personal tragedy anyone can imagine. We share our stories and offer hope to each other. As a new survivor and a new member, it is a place to draw strength and hope and encouragement. By reading the stories of the survivors who have traveled further along and are making progress and actually healing, it helps the new survivor to believe that their is truly hope for them also. I am almost one year into my journey and I still struggle every day but I know that I am healing becuase I remember how awful I felt in the beginning. I remember reading the stories of those who have been able to move on with their lives and I never believed it would happen to me but I kept returning and I hoping and I now believe that I will heal one day. Although I still have a long way to go, I know that I have already come a long way because I read the stories of the new members and I can see the progress that I've made along the way. I have also made some special friends through the forum who I keep in touch with frequently. There's nothing more healing than having people in your life who know EXACTLY how you feel. It's so rewarding and tragic at the same time. I often feel sad that there are so many of us out there but I am glad that we are not alone. I am glad that we have been able to find each other through this amazing forum. I am thankful to all who run this group and also all who visit and share their stories. I would recommend this forum to anyone who was in this situation. I just pray I never need to. Thank you.
Alliance of Hope is an unbelievable organization that has helped me go from feeling lonely and wondering how I will ever survive to opening my heart to the possibility of thriving after losing a loved one to suicide. I felt so alone, as I had never talked to anyone who had found someone after they've taken their life, but I found an understanding, supportive community through the Alliance of Hope. I am forever grateful! Without this organization I truly don't know where I'd be.
This forum has been very helpful. No one understands what we go through as survivors. Iy is nice to log on and find others going through the same circumstances. Very helpful when your all alone and late at night.
My big brother was either murdered or shot by his own hand?. We will never know which. All I do
know is he was killed suddenly and tragically on July 13th 2013. The coroner ruled it a suicide. there is a lot of mystery and confusion and unanswered questions surrounding his death and all I know is my
life is divided into two parts: before and after he died. When he died I knew nothing would ever be ok again. I had to adjust to a new ok and most people don't understand how difficult it is to accept the
unacceptable. This site is always here and helps. It helps to write and know someone understands. It
helps to hopefully be there for others. There is no way to describe the pain of losing someone like
this. Alliance of Hope really helped me and still does especially at 3am when there is nobody to call. My brother was always there for me. He always understood. We have to fight suicide. I don't know of
anything more shattering.
in 2011, I found my fiancé in the bathroom of his home, deceased via self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. In a matter of minutes, life as I knew it changed. You see he was a police officer and had recently taken the antismoking drug, Chantix to help him kick the smoking habit. Dealing with his death, the red tape of police and drama by his department, left me drained everyday. I found this site and I will attribute my sanity today because of the healing words and nurturing environment Alliance of Hope offers its readers. Not only did I spent countless hours on line, reading and posting, but also venting and not feeling alone during my most bleak time of my life. I owe this site a tremendous THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO. I work for a non-profit agency that deals with children and at times, suicidal children. I tell my parents about this site anytime they require assistance with dealing with suicide. Again, thank you , and God bless all of you on this site, who post and tell very private and touching stories to help others heal. I was helped beyond words.
I am a Suicide Widow. Those words will never ever lose their gravity or shock value. BUT, because of the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors forum, I know I'm not alone. Even though I have huge support from friends and family, there are times when there is noone who will understand except those who have gone through and are going through the same thing.
I had not experience a close bereavement before and we in the Western world are so utterly unprepared for it. This type of death is even harder to deal with because of the stigma, people expect you to be able to tell them why. Why did he do it?
In the forum you are helped to understand, accept and come to terms with the fact that, it was because he was desperately sick.
I could not have come through this in any sort of positive state without this forum. It's expertly moderated and I feel safe and understood.
I came home on January 3rd, 2014 to find my husband of almost 24 years had hung himself. The shock of what I saw was beyond mind numbing, no one should ever see a loved one like that. We had just moved to this area and did not know a lot of people as I had just taken a new position. It was a cold windy night and I was alone in my apartment with the sounds as I explored the shock, the guilt and the despair. As I sat there I grabbed my computer and searched and found the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors at about 3:30 in the morning. To this day I can go back to my words I wrote and realized how lost I was. I read posts and realized I was not alone that this happens and someone out there understands. The site educated me as I went through so many feelings, actually I still am but then I suffered real anger, the response the moderator gave me made me look at it differently and see how confused my husband was with his demons. While I am so new still with grief and have good days with bad days it was through this site I located a grief counseling group for suicide survivors and meeting others that know how you feel has been so helpful just like posting to comments and hoping I can help someone else. The pain is truly unbelievable and is the very hardest way to lose a loved one. This site is so important to me even now. It is so sad that those of us who are survivors have so few places to turn so we must keep this site alive and well as it is vital for me and unfortunately for those survivors yet to come.