From the first day that problems started with my my partner I started to think about parting with him, but I had many fears because we have three children togehter. He would tell me ugly things and then ask for my forgiveness and would tell me to forgive myself. I spent eight years of him being bad toward me. We would have a good day and then another bad day, and I realsized that would never change.
Despite my fears in the end I left the house. It was very difficult but thanks to God and the Refuge I got out. I felt safe at the Refuge and got help for my depression. Now I think I know a lot of the programs in this area that can help me.
Tomorrow I go home with my Children (I have an OFP in place) I am happy to go home and do not feel as afraid to be alone. I believe that anything is possible. Thank God for everyone here at the Refuge because they have supported us a lot, we have all supported eachother.
Now I realize that he never loved me, because if you love someone you do not harm them. In court I tried to protect him so he would not get into trouble, but then he started telling lies and the same drama as always and I was reminded that he will never change. I knew in court he was putting on an act. He was telling evil lies about me. He always wants to put me down whenever he pleases and that is no longer going to happen I think I am better off alone than in bad company.
Most of my life I was abused but I didn't know it until I was physically abused. The abuse and control I was feeling in my one year relationship was getting worse every month. I couldn't take the stress of it so I started seeing a therapist. She is the one who pointed out to me that I was in an abusive relationship.
I was nervous and afraid to do something about it. I wondered, would he try to stop me, would he find me? Also, what kind of price would I have to pay if he did?
Afte a few phone calls I talked to an advocate at The Refuge. She took infomation about me and offered me a room at the Refuge. She assured me that it was a confidential address. I was scared. She was very reassuring and gave me advice on how to safely leave. I knew it was what I needed to do. She told me to call when I was out and safe and on my way. I didn't feel scared and alone anymore.
Some women have children they have to consider in the middle of all of this. I didn't, but I have two cats. Which to me are my children. Before I could leave him I had to find them a place to stay. I had one friend who took them for two nights and changed her mind. So I felt I had to go back to him in order to keep my cats. I didn't tell him thats why I was coming back. But once I found a permanent place for them I left again.
He said he would do counseling, but of course he was lying. So I am back at the Refuge. I have been here almost six months. Being here I have learned a lot and have gotten so much support and advice. All of the staff, no matter what shift are always here to talk, give advice or just listen.
We each have an advocate we meet with weekly to go over our goals. I think it is very helpful and helps you keep everything in perspective. We have support groups once a week.
Here I have learned so much about the abuse I have gone through and the abuse I was going through that I didn't even realize. They have given us tools to use to help us in the future. Because not every relationship is an unhealthy and abusive one.
To me and many other women I have seen come and go, the Refuge has been a supportive, safe and healthy place to be. It is a very difficult and scarey decision to leave any abusive realionship, but here you know you are not alone.