Alive… For Real this Time: www.bluemorphofoundation.org
We all have those moments in life where we feel like everything is ok in the world. Some may call these moments happiness. Other times, moments bring you face to face with fear and for some of us that means death. Those who experience a traumatic experience have a hard time detaching the emotion from a memory such as this. From the moment a traumatic incident happens, a haunting voice tells you ”you shouldn't have survived”. The memories constantly bring up feelings of terror, fear, anger and sadness. You are tied to the constructs of the mind, and if you are constantly in a state of fear or anger or sadness, you never let those emotions subside. A black cloud hovers over you waiting to take your life, if you don't make the decision first. When forced to face death, a new perspective on life is born.
At 17 years of age, I was involved in a traumatic car accident. Six hours after the time of the accident, I finally received medical help. I was rushed to the nearest trauma center and quickly accessed for injuries. After x-rays and recovering my temperature from hypothermic levels, the doctor announced I needed emergency surgery. The nurses brought my loved ones into the room, and told them to say their goodbyes, they were not sure if I would survive the procedure. In this moment, I looked death straight in the face and went under anesthesia not knowing if I would wake up.
Coming into adulthood with a traumatic experience like this, lead me spiraling downward, doubting my existence. “Why did I survive?!”, I would constantly question. I truly did not believe I deserved the second chance I was afforded. Psychologists put me on antidepressants, which took a year of my life. The chemical shift in my brain chemistry made me numb, numb to one of the most basic human experiences, emotion. This numbness perpetuated into everything I did.
It was time to find a new medicine, so I left the pharmaceuticals behind and began to explore my consciousness.
With the help of Blue Morpho, I was able to take this experience and let it ignite my passion for life rather than perpetuate my fear of living. I was able to see clearly the simple shift in conscious awareness of the emotions I experienced, separating my memory from the reality of the present moment. Instead of wondering why I survived, doubting my second chance, I now see my place in the world as a vital part of this existence. I can see the moment I almost left the world, as a significant impact on the loved ones around me. All the apparent tragedy in that hospital room was actually filled with copious amounts of love.
Hamilton Souther and Blue Morpho Foundation opened up the hood of my brain and tinkered with the igniter and the starter and reprogrammed them so I realize, I am the one actually doing the tuning up. Humans were blessed with so much power: choice, free will, conscious awareness, mindful knowledge and emotional intelligence, so why not utilize these tools in balance with one another to navigate through this reality. With a simple change in perspective, a technique I learned through my work with Blue Morpho, I finally understood, that I had a choice. A choice to let my emotions overwhelm me, or to take control back and use the other tools I have in my back pocket.
Now, I love myself fully, no one can ever take that from me, and my relationship with myself is the most important relationship to foster and care for. When you love yourself, the memories, the shame and all the judgments melt away. Stillness and peace infiltrate the mind, body and soul. Without Blue Morpho, I would not be following my passions in life. I would have been sucked in the dark whole of mental illness that American society is so quick to compartmentalize trauma sufferers into.
That is why I give – because I found a nonprofit that truly changes lives. Please help them help others: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/cure-ptsd-now#/
Review from #MyGivingStory