I heard about Fireproof Ministries from my brother a little over a month ago and I was completely blown away by the amount of love and help I have received from them. I was thinking I was just going to write a quick email, get a quick response and that would be the end of that but it was not. I sent an email and within minutes received a response wanting to set up a phone call to make it more personal. I have weekly contact with FM and it is amazing. It is def a sincere, genuine desire of theirs to reach out an help other who are where they may have been. Its so nice to know that when I am down about life or struggling with situations, I always have FM to turn to for support, advise, prayer or whatever I may need at the moment. They have truly been a blessing to me and have helped me start to get my life back...it will be a long road but I know that they will be there to help me each step of the way, i couldnt ask for more!
For as long as I remember I felt I was different from other males. I was reminded of myself as a baby; I was anemic and colloquy, I cried a lot and was a bother. I don’t recall ever being told that I was a blessing. I remember my Mom once commenting that “Satan uses children” in their parents lives. Also that words can hurt more than any physical act of aggression. My dad was an engineer and he worked a lot, got home, had dinner and that was that. I don’t recall that he never really expressed any words of encouragement although I am sure he must have. We went to church because it was what we were supposed to do. We were workers. We had no family devotions. both my mom and dad were extremely well read and I can recall my dad reading a lot. He knew his doctrine. There was a kind of fatalistic approach to things: God would do what He would do. He would save whom He would save. End of story. It was our job to obey Him and trust Him with the results.
I went to grade school just up the road form our house and my brother and I walked to school each day. School was rather joyless. Also I found out, later, that I was dyslexic and in the 50’s it was not fully understood. I was regarded as “retarded” by some of the teachers which my parents HIGHLY objected to as they felt I was smart just not applying myself. I became a class clown but I had no real friends. I wanted a boy to be my friend so when I met Paul it was really like a dream come true. Paul was a good athlete, he was rugged and handsome and he was my friend. At least I thought so. It was Paul that taught me about sexual sin. I did not discourage this as Paul was my friend and it was exciting and forbidden. I think I would have done anything to keep him as my friend.
These events started me on a life course that would not end until I was sixty years old! Years of "working" at my relationship with the Lord, trying to please Him by doing the right thing, then periods of rebellion and embracing my sin, ended when I got involved with Fireproof ministries and the XXX Church study. These paved the way for me to hear God say, "I love you and I will never leave you." When I accepted God as He is NOT as I understood Him, when I came to know that He did love me I was able to accept Him and He touched my life. That happened over five months ago and God is faithful! I finally have come to know that I didn't need victory over my sin I needed deliverance. God did that and He used FM, XXX Church and real caring Christians around me to do it. Mostly He just spoke to me and I finally heard Him. I now am not worried about being accepted by other men because I am accepted by God; I no longer worry over it. God made me the way I am and He has transformed me as well. Many of my attributes that I felt excluded me from the "Man Club" are true across the board for many men. God has allowed me to witness to some of them and that is the greatest of blessings! I have told many that "I am vacation from myself!" And that is a truth that only tears and laughter can really express.
Thank you so very much. When I first contacted you I was without hope. Today, I feel in love with my husband and hopeful. I must remember God has a plan. My husband is such a great guy in so many areas. I knows he has a battle that should be fought, but he isn't ready yet. But that doesn't mean I have to lose myself and wallow in the despair I was feeling. I have found that by sharing and receiving advise from those that have lived through the very same battles, I can be victorious. Instead of retreating, I have joined a study group at my church. I read and share what I have read with my husband. He has accepted me as I am, a Christian Wife. He treats me with the understanding that I do not tolerate some of his behavior and obsessions. I believe this has opened the door for Gods hand to work in his heart. Because he is the love of my life and I want this to be a successful marriage as does he. I am so thankful that I found this site and for those that shared with me as I cried on this end of the emails, they were praying on the other. I could feel it and was strengthened. Thank you.